Your voice, frozen in the wind... Chapter 11

[lilly0]

Title: Your voice, frozen in the wind, surrounds me like snow petals Chapter 11 (of 12)
Pairing: KameRyo, other guest appearances
Rating: PG-13 (for this chapter)
Genre: AU, romance, bit angst (like in every romance story), It might be the hurt&comfort type of fic
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: Being a privileged boy out of a rich family doesn’t mean you get more love. Kame knows that just too well. All day long he fights against this monster called loneliness, until a new boy joins his class. He is coming out of a different background and just as lonely as he is.
Kame fights against the feelings that are awakening inside him, not able to trust anyone around him. But then he starts to get strange anonymous messages, his heart warming up towards a person he doesn’t even know…and to this strange boy in his class.
Dedicated to: sweetspicyhot. As a belated birthday present! I really really hope you will like this, my friend!

Guess what? Boy-I-don’t know, I’ll tell you something about getting-your-heart-back. I DON’T WANT IT BACK! I gave it away on purpose, now it got kicked back to me again. I’m not strong…I’ve never really been… but I won’t accept this. Get a grip too and don’t let yourself down that easily!

***

Ryo was leaning against a tree on a small hill, close to the cemetery. His heart ached when he watched Kame and his father. Normally he would have attended the funeral too, just to be at Kame’s side, but things had changed. Still he couldn’t stay away, Kame was too important to leave him alone in such a situation, no matter what was going on in his stupid head.

He smiled a bit when Kame’s father hugged his son, because he remembered how Kame had told him once that his relationship to his parents wasn’t a really good one. The gladder he was that Kame and his father seemed to get along better.

He walked away a bit when he realized that the funeral was over and that the family walked home. Ryo decided to go for a little walk himself, to not accidentally bump into the family gathering. He had to think properly what to do now. It was still a warm day and he sat down on one of the rocks at the beach, looking at the ocean. Against his intention he remembered how he was meeting Kame at such a place, how Kame put his arm around his shoulders. It was such a calm moment, so sweet, but also so confusing. Ryo smiled sadly. This had been the day where he had let go of his doubts and fears. There was something about Kame that had made him believe again.

Ryo frowned, suddenly remembering Yoko words again. There was a reason behind a person’s action. Also behind Kame’s. Ryo’s eyes sparkled in a sudden determination. He decided not to let this go so easily. If Kame wanted to break up, he should do that… but not on the phone. He should tell it Ryo right into his face.

He angled with for his phone, dialling Yoko’s number. “Hey Kimi-kun!”

Yoko smiled. “Everything alright, Ryo-chan?”

“Yes…just…” Ryo paused. “I know I have to go to school tomorrow, but is it okay to stay out a bit longer today? I want to solve some things… I need to solve them.”

Yoko wavered a bit, then he chuckled. “It’s okay. I trust you.”

Ryo grinned at that. “Thanks Aniki,” he teased, knowing that Yoko would be totally hyper and happy about this. And actually Ryo felt the same. It was good to know where he belonged to. Maybe it wouldn’t be easy to adapt to this new situation, because from now on Yoko would be his guardian and it would be different, but he didn’t care for this kind of troubles. He was happily accepting them.

***

Kame blinked when the door to his room opened slightly and his father smiled at him. “Kazuya, you have a visitor.”

“Eh?” Kame blinked in surprise. Who would that be? Jin? “Really?”

“Yes, one of your friends.” His father smiled. “Such a nice boy to drop by in person to be there for you. Should I send him to your room?”

“Yes, please.” Kame nodded his head. He sat down on his sofa, waiting for the visitor to came to his room. He could hear his steps in the corridor, followed by a careful knock at his door. “Yes?” Kame looked at the door curiously, his eyes widening in surprise and shock, when he saw a head with messy hair, a fragile figure shoving its way into his room. “Ryo…”

Ryo said nothing first, he just closed the door, leaning against it, as far away from the other as possible. Kame winced a bit at the distance between them, but he couldn’t close it either.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Ryo suddenly broke the silence between them.

Kame nodded his head. “Thanks,” he mumbled, trying to sound as cold as possible.

“Why?” Ryo asked bluntly. “Why are you treating me like shit out of a sudden? First I thought the reason was me and who I am… but right now I think that the problem is rather you. At least have the guts to tell me personally…and honestly. I hate people lying at me! I’ve been lied to too often to forgive or accept that.”

Kame felt his heart aching at these words, a blush crawling over his cheeks, because he felt too embarrassed to even look at Ryo. “I’m sorry…” he mumbled. “But I can’t stay with you.”

“I already got that.” Ryo glared. “Tell me something new!”

Kame rubbed his temples. “Ryo…”

“No, honestly,” Ryo said fiercely. “Don’t treat me like an idiot here! A lot of people kept calling me that when I was still a child. I’m not an idiot and I’m not stupid. So tell me what’s going on! Treat me like someone who you at least respect a bit!”

Kame wrapped his arms around his own waist, suddenly feeling crushed like never before. He wanted Ryo to hug him, to hold him. He wanted this feeling of loneliness and grief and sorrow to go away. “Someone once told me something important…” he admitted. “When I said that I don’t have a good relationship with my mother, this person said: At least you have a mother.”

Ryo blinked, these words ringing in his ears. He frowned, trying to grasp where they came from. “And?” he asked, voice a bit softer now.

“You have no mother,” Kame answered silently. “And I don’t even feel too sad that I lost mine… I just feel angry that till the end she didn’t care. That she didn’t want me. I feel guilty for these feelings and I hate myself, because I have to tell them to you… and you will hate me for that reason and despise me.” He rubbed over his hair tiredly. “But I feel so empty right now, because I realized that there isn’t anything I can give her anymore. I never could, because she never really loved me. Or maybe she did and I wasn’t able to feel it. Now she killed herself, leaving me forever. All these times she left me, but this is the worst. I feel so angry and disappointed that I wasn’t even worth a letter of good-bye or a last phone-call. Not even that!” He paused. “That’s why I can’t be together with you. You lost both your parents and you are so strong, while I’m so selfish…” He wanted to say more, but to his surprise Ryo was suddenly standing in front of him. Kame was too surprised to react before Ryo's flat palm met his cheek painfully. Then two dark eyes were glaring at him. “You stubborn, stupid boy!” Ryo yelled. “You idiot!”

Kame looked at the other boy guiltily, his hand rubbing his cheek. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled almost silently, feeling like this was exactly what he had deserved.

“You better are!!” Ryo blurt out, before he sat down next to the other. Kame blinked in confusion when he suddenly felt two arms hugging him tight. “This is the most dumb-ass break-up reason I’ve ever heard.”

“What…”

“You think I would really judge you for these feelings? I love you, you idiot.”

Kame gasped in surprise, when he heard these words. For a moment he could feel how all the tension loosened inside him, how finally the tears he was holding were flowing and he could cry against Ryo’s chest. When he felt a bit calmer again, his breath going steadier, he decided to go for it and talk to Ryo. “Why do you think it was dumbass?”

“How can you even think that I would hate you out of such a reason?” Ryo scolded him. “Do you really think that I’m so weak? So stupid? So irrational? That I’m without any common sense or without any feelings? Is that the kind of person you see in me?”

“Of course not.” Kame answered silently, tears filling his eyes again. “I would never see you that way.”

Ryo knelt down on the bed, grabbing Kame’s face with both hands to look at him. “I had a good relationship with my parents. I felt warm and safe around them. When they were gone, both of them dying in an accident, I lost everything. But this doesn’t mean I can’t understand you. Your situation is completely different! You have every right on earth to have this kind of feelings. I guess I would feel the same.”

“You would?” Kame asked carefully. “You understand?”

“Of course.” Ryo said softly. “Our situations are so different…”

“But you suffered so much…” Kame argued guiltily. “You still suffer.”

Ryo bit his lips, wavering for a moment, then he sighed, deciding to be honest. “I suffered… and I still suffer of my memories, but mostly because of the situation I was in after my parents died. The orphanage I was living in was horrible. Hitting the children and corporal punishment was common there. I got hit quite often, with all different kind of things, canes, brushes, whatever they could reach. That’s why I suffered. My parents’ death made me suffer too, but it was a different kind of suffering. It made me sad and lonely, I missed them. But what crushed me was this orphanage.”

Kame kept quite for a moment, then he looked at Ryo in utter shock. “This is… I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT!! You were treated in such a way!”

Ryo leaned back a bit, looking away from Kame. “All kids were.” He told him. “I… never talk about it normally. Just Kimi-kun knows some details. He had to know it, because when I came to the new orphanage after they had closed the old one, he was there and took care of me. He was already one of the older boys there – and apparently the older ones got to know about what happened to us. I guess the director and the teachers told them so that they would understand some of our reactions and our fear and anger. Kimi-kun made me his little brother immediately. I think he had a similar experience in his past. Without him I would have been lost… That’s the truth. I still miss my parents like madly, I miss their warmth, everything about them, but my nightmares, my doubts and my fears are coming from somewhere else.” He paused. “I don’t really like talking about it…”

Kame rested his head against Ryo’s shoulder, his hand stroking the other’s back soothingly. “You don’t have to talk about it now.” He said softly. “But if some time passes and we get closer, please share it with me. I want to be able to help you too. I want to understand you. Just as much as you want to understand me.”

Ryo stayed quiet for a moment, then he smiled. “Okay. I still need some time, but I promise you to open up step by step. But you have to do the same.”

“Okay.” Kame smiled a bit. “I promise.”

Ryo nodded his head contently, then he frowned, looking at Kame firmly. “This doesn’t mean you are forgiven!”

Kame chuckled slightly. He had already expected such a reaction. “Okay.”

Though you don’t know it, you were right. I understand now. It’s selfish to hurt someone  just because we feel unsure about ourselves. From now on I’ll try my best to make those around me happy. Even if I’m not happy myself, making the ones I love happy, will give me some peace too.

******
Note: Dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support <3  To thank you I opened up a Request Post. If you feel like requesting a one-shot with a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE.

Comments

[lilly0]

SPOT for sweetspicyhot

[sweetspicyhot.livejournal.com]

Ah i can't believe there is only one more chapter to go, but quite alot happens in this one.

i think it was incredibly beautiful that Ryo went to the funeral even though he could not stand with Kame. They are really hard and it must have brought up feelings for Ryo about his own family.

I knew that Ryo would fight for Kame, and he does it on his own terms. I like the way you write this Ryo, because even if I think I am expecting a certain level of intensity from him, he always surprises me. i think it is because his emotions were so bottled up for so long (or they came out in tantrums directed at Yoko) that now because he has a desired goal (Kame) he has to channel them--use them more effectively.

Kame, I think is taken surprise by it as well. i think he is surprised that Ryo is holding him accountable for his actions, and i like that alot. Especially here: “This doesn’t mean you are forgiven!”
Kame is still on the hook, precisely because Ryo won't give up on him.

i really enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much<3

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your awesome comment, my friend! I'm really glad that you liked this!


I think they have both learned quite a lot and a lot of things changed for them now or rather: They changed and got more mature. I think they decided to trust each other from now on, and their friends and family.


Well, just one more chapter to go, right? ^^

[lilly0]

SPOT for mari02

[mari02.livejournal.com]

hi ! so it's been updated :)

i was honestly surprised with this chapter. after everything that has happened, i never thought it was in ryo's personality to make the first move. after all, kame's the one who pushed him away. i thought he was the one who'd make ryo forgive him. but i guess i understand why this happened. ryo had gone through the same thing, confusion due to loss. that's why he stepped up and talked to kame. after all, what kame did triggered ryo to stand up for himself- to get the answers he thinks he deserve. i believe that instead of the fight and make up scenes which we see a lot, what i found here was a development in ryo's melancholic character. omg i started writing this being frustrated that kame wasn't the one who initialized the talk but i get it now and i find it more amazing. i love it! it's such a pity though, about ryo's past. but yoko's there and kame's there so i guess everyhting will be alright. just a few more things ryo hasn't explained yet and this will all be done. can't wait!

thanks for this chapter and i'm sorry it took me forever to comment. :(

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting, dear!

You totally got it right: Actually this here was like a journey. Ryo was a closed, introverted character who didn't trust anyone, besides Yoko. But now he learned how to come out of his shell and actually change something by himself, instead of waiting for someone to come to him. He went to Kame and talked to him, because he realized he is strong enough himself and has learned to help others and help them overcome their problems.

Thanks so much for reading!! I'll try to update the last chapter soon ♥

[yukitsubute]

SPOT <3

[yukitsubute]

Kame and Ryo are such heroes...really. ><

I totally loved how Ryo makes the first step to talk with Kame. He doesn't give up, and that's totally cool. ^^

They are so cute together. They both need some more time to find together again, and it will take some time till they are able to really trust each other.
It's so sad how Ryo isn't able to talk with Kame about everything, but he will do sooner or later, I am sure about it. ^^

I really hope they manage it now, and I hope they are able to open up. ^^ And I hope they'll finally have hot sex *looool*

Thanks for this chapter. *hugs*

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
I'm really happy that you liked this!

Yes, Ryo learned how to approach a problem and try to step forward, instead of hiding somewhere and closing up from everyone. He and Kame really learned a lot, right? <3

[ecatheriina.livejournal.com]

Awwwwwwwww TuT <3
Thanks god, they're back!

And thanks to you for sharing <3
Waiting the last chap *0*

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your lovely comment!!
I'm really happy that you liked this chapter! ♥♥

[niini-xd.livejournal.com]

Yaaay!!! There back together!!!! <33333 Loved it!!!! xD I really love Ryo here <3333

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your lovely comment!! Finally these two made up, right? :D
I'm really happy that you liked it!! <3

[pinkynishi.livejournal.com]

YES.

THANK YOU.


*next*