Harmony of Dissonance (Goto/Uchi)
Dec. 4th, 2012 05:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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yume_to_ameTitle: Harmony of dissonance
Pairing: Goto/Uchi, guest-appearances by everyone else from current Question?
Rating: PG-13
Beta: ryo_pyon
Genre: romance, friendship, bit humour, bit angst.
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: For Goto it’s always been clear what he wants or rather: who he wants, just… how should he go and get it? Everyone else tries to help him in their own way, but unfortunately it’s not making things simpler… Some pink handcuffs, good advices and backfiring plans later, Goto and Uchi are a mess.
Note: This was originally written for crazy-otaku911.
Uchi sings like an angel.
Fact.
And it doesn’t matter to Goto that Daisuke rolls his eyes whenever he says that. Or that Akun lets off a slightly snarky remark.
Uchi sings like an angel.
***
“You remember when I joined the group?”
“I will never forget it,” Goto grins when he says it, so that he doesn’t sound too cheesy. “When I first saw you I thought: Dude, this guy is really tall.”
Uchi chuckles. “I was the whiny kid, right?”
“Was?” Goto mocks him, laughing when Uchi pouts.
“Very funny,” Uchi grumbles, but then he has to laugh too. Maybe, he still is a crybaby sometimes. “Isn’t it part of my charm?”
Goto blinks in surprise. The question comes unexpected and it sounds so innocent, but Goto can’t help a slight blush crawling over his cheeks. Isn’t it part of my charm? He closes his eyes for a moment. Yes, it is part of Uchi’s charm. Besides his slightly curly hair. Soft. His beautiful plump lips. And… Goto swallows, realizing that his thoughts are going into a dangerous direction. He shoves them aside immediately. “So, tell me, who is the new guy you are interested in?”
“Is it really okay to tell you about this?” Uchi wants to know. “I don’t want to bother you.”
“Of course it’s fine.” Goto tries to smile as bright as he can. “That’s what friends are here for, aren’t they? To help with solving love problems.”
He believes in what he has just told Uchi, but one part of him is feeling nervous all of a sudden, something inside him tugging and pulling at him.
***
“Isn’t it fun,” Uchi muses all of a sudden, pointing at Goto. “Your name is Hiromi, right?”
“Yes,” Goto eyes Uchi warily, not sure what this here is about.
“I’m Hiroki,” Uchi chuckles. “This makes the both of us the two Hiros. Like Hero.”
“Wow,” Akun looks at Uchi in mild surprise. “sometimes I really wonder how exactly your brain works.” He blinks in surprise when Goto shoots him a glare, shrugging a bit. He waits for Uchi to stand up and get them some drinks before he faces Goto again. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Oh please,” the other rolls his eyes. “You looked like you wanted to kill me.”
“Please,” Goto looks at his friend earnestly. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Fine,” Akun grins. “So, you didn’t want to kill me, but what was that warning glance for?”
Goto shrugs. “Uchi-kun is not stupid.”
The other one is visibly surprised. “When did I say he was stupid?”
“You hinted it.”
“Oh please,” Akun sighs. “I didn’t hint anything. I just said: sometimes I really wonder how exactly your brain works. And I meant exactly that. Nothing less, nothing more.” He grins out of a sudden. “Makes me wonder why you are so upset about this.”
Goto shakes his head earnestly. “I’m not upset.”
“Apparently you are also very interested in Uchi,” Akun muses, ignoring his friend. “And in his beautiful lips and pretty face, and…”
“Stop it!” Goto huffs, sounding annoyed, while at the same time a slight blush crawls over his cheeks. Somewhere next to him Fujie and Yodogawa start to giggle like madly, making him feel even more embarrassed.
Great. Just because of Akun’s stupid assumptions. As if he has a crush on Uchi.
Beautiful, sweet Uchi…
***
“So, what are we looking for?” Fujie wants to know, his eyes scanning through the shop.
“Something original.”
The other one chuckles. “Anything more precise?”
“I don’t know,” Goto sighs. “I just don’t want to buy something that’s totally boring. Uchi-kun should like it.”
“Yes,” Fujie smiles. “Uchi-kun should like it.”
“Don’t make fun of me,” Goto can’t help an annoyed tune in his voice and Fujie feels guilty almost immediately.
“I’m not making fun of you,” he reassures the other. “I’m just happy that you and Uchi are getting along so well. It’s important to have such a good friend. And…”
“And what?” Goto wants to know, when Fujie stops.
“You like him.”
“Oh no,” the other sighs. “Not you too. Akun really didn’t do me any favour with his suggestions and assumptions.”
“Where they?” Fujie wants to know. “Only assumptions? Or do you really like him?”
For a moment Goto is silent, not sure what to say, but then he shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should think about it?” his friend suggests.
“Why?”
“Because of the way you look at him. You don’t look at anyone else with these eyes,” Fuji turns around before the other could argue or intervene. He grins when he angles for a little item in one of the cupboards. “How about that?”
Goto blinks in surprise. “These are handcuffs!”
“They are pink,” Fujie smirks. “He likes pink. And it’s an original present.”
“And what exactly should he do with it?”
Fujie smirks teasingly. “Why don’t you find out together?”
“Oh damn,” Goto curses, anger in his voice now. He turns around to leave the shop. “I’ll wait for you outside. Hopefully you are normal again then.”
Fujie tilts his head when Goto leaves. Then he chuckles. He grabs the pink handcuffs and walks to the checkout to pay for them. Goto doesn’t need to know that he is going to buy them… and the plans he has with them.
***
“I brought along some movies,” Uchi grabs the package in his hand, frowning when he looks through them. “Oh no.”
“What?” Goto approaches Uchi curiously, taking a look at the movies too. He laughs when he sees the titles. “Nishikido-kun loves art movies and complicated foreign movies, right?”
“I totally forgot that,” Uchi grumbles. “I told him to give me some movies that are perfect for a relaxed video night.” He frowns, checking on the titles. The Fountain (they didn’t even understand the summary on the cover). Vicky Cristina Barcelona (well, at least the cast was hot). Some French titles (None of them knew French, hence they had no idea what the title was about)
Goto has to smile. They chose 5x2 to watch, because it’s the only movie in the bunch that at least sounds like it has a plot. Unfortunately, though it has a plot, it’s a very dramatic one and soon he and Uchi are looking gloomily at the screen, at the verge of tears. He doesn’t understand half of the movie. And it’s horribly sad. But it doesn’t matter that he spends the evening with a complicated, sad Ozon movie, because he also spends it with Uchi.
***
“We should talk about our next concert,” Goto hands some sheets of papers with song titles to Uchi. “I think we should really sing this new song you wrote, Uchi-kun. It’s fabulous.” Goto smiles slightly, he really thinks it’s fabulous. Uchi is so good at this. Making music with him is beautiful.
But to his surprise Uchi is unusually quiet throughout their meeting. Normally he will discuss everything and throw in suggestions, be hyper and in a good mood, but this time he isn’t. It’s almost like he his angry.
After an hour Goto can’t hold back anymore. He looks up from his coffee cup, eyeing Uchi directly now. “Is there a problem, Uchi-kun? You are so quiet.”
For a moment Uchi eyes him warily, then he shakes his head. “I don’t get,” he finally mutters. “Why the hell are you still calling me Uchi-kun?”
“Eh?” Goto stares at the other in disbelief, seriously taken aback by this question. “But…”
“Everyone else just calls me Uchi. Or Hiroki-kun. Or Hiro. Whatever pleases them. Just you are sticking with an honorific.”
Goto can hear it in his friend’s voice how he is clearly affected by it, almost hurt, but he can’t bring himself to say something. He doesn’t know what to say. He fears that when he calls Uchi Hiroki his voice will give it away: Too much affection, too much feelings. He is sure his voice will break when he calls Uchi by his first name and that he won’t be able to fight it back, this feeling inside him whenever he is meeting with Uchi.
“Okay, whatever,” Uchi glares and looks away from the other one. “Let’s just continue with the meeting.”
***
“Did you hear that Uchi and his boyfriend broke up?”
The announcement comes as a surprise for Goto and he looks at Akun curiously. “What? Really?”
The other smirks teasingly. “I knew you would be interested.”
Goto coughs, trying to hide the joy he is feeling. He feels honestly bad for feeling happy, especially since Uchi has to be pretty down now, but one part of him is just… glad. Uchi is available.
“You know,” Akun laughs. “You could try a bit harder to hide your happiness.”
“Is it so obvious?” Goto wants to know.
“Well,” Akun muses. “You could as well stick a post-it to your forehead, saying: FINALLY!”
“That’s mean,” Goto sighs. “I don’t want to be the mean guy.”
Akun shrugs. “I think it’s okay,” he pats his friend’s shoulder, before he grabs a bottle of beer, dropping down on the sofa. “He was a jerk anyway.”
“He was?”
The other shakes his head. “Listen, I know it’s none of my business, but you are meeting Uchi so often. Don’t you talk to him about private things then?”
Goto angles for the second bottle of beer, sitting down next to his friend. “I don’t know. Guess I’m a bit scared.”
“Scared of what?” Akun wants to know. “Uchi?”
“Not exactly,” The other smiles warily. “More like: of losing a friend. I feel like I’m giving too much away of myself when I ask him about his relationship.”
“You mean, you are afraid that he might realize it then, how you feel about him?” Akun tries to set clear, then he shrugs. “So what? What if he knows? What if it’s a good thing when he realizes it?”
“What if he doesn’t like me? He just was in a relationship. And on top of that in a pretty frustrating one. So, what if he doesn’t see me that way? What if I ruin our friendship?”
The other just smiles. “What if you don’t do anything and instead of getting closer to him you are getting farther away? What if not doing anything will always be the thing standing between you.”
Goto chuckles at that. “I’m not the big-feeling type of guy. You know that.”
“Well, you don’t need to confess,” Akun smirks. “I can see how that could be embarrassing when he doesn’t like you back. But at least try to make a move. Try to make him realize that you are there.”
That you are there.
Make a move.
Goto frowns when he locks the door of his apartment behind him. Maybe Akun is right, maybe he should show Uchi that he is there. Give him some signs. He can’t expect him to see him without even showing him that he might like him. How else should Uchi realize?
***
Two weeks later Goto wonders if maybe he should consider Akun’s first advice and switch to wearing a huge sign on his head: Uchi Hiroki, I want you!
Because no matter what he does, Uchi doesn’t see it.
***
“We need to do something about these idiots,” Akun states bluntly.
Fujie smiles. “Figured.”
Akun frowns. He checks his friends properly, pictures of the past suddenly coming to him, when Fujie was meddling with his and Daisuke’s love life. “Wait a moment, what did you do?”
“Well,” Fujie shrugs, twinkling innocently. “Let’s say Yodo-chan and I took care of it.”
“Oh great,” the other breathes out. “The last time you two took care of something Daisuke wasn’t talking to me for two weeks.”
“That’s the past,” Fujie smiles winningly. “Believe me, we grew up now and we found way better ways to help our friends.”
“I don’t doubt that your intensions are sincere,” Akun reassures him. “But I doubt that they will be successful. Meddling with someone else’s love life always backfires.”
“Not necessarily,” Fujie argues. “Yodo-chan and I took care of it. We chose a very mature way of approach. We decided to call out to their natural and wild instincts.”
“Mature and wild instincts?” Akun asks in surprise. “What the hell is that?” He doesn’t get an answer from Fujie and somehow he is glad he doesn’t. He is sure that if he knows he will for sure get furious about it. So, now that he doesn’t know any details, there is no need to be mad at Fujie and Yodogawa…. Though he is sure that he will find out soon and then will feel annoyed. But who knows? Maybe Fujie’s plan isn’t all that bad? Maybe it will work?
***
Uchi stares at the item in disbelief. It arrived with the post today: Pink handcuffs. He checks the card properly and it’s still the same: From Hiromi, let’s play!
Several emotions are flooding him. He feels annoyed by it, because it’s just so out of place. If it was his birthday party now and Goto would give it to him as a joke… that would be fun. But not after he broke up with his boyfriend several weeks ago and basically didn’t have an existent sex life anymore. That’s frustrating! And not really sensitive. Besides that Uchi hates it when people are making fun of him. Especially when it’s Goto.
“Are you nuts!” Uchi huffs in anger.
Goto looks at him in surprise. It’s 2 AM and he is wearing his pyjamas. Until Uchi knocked at his door he was sound asleep. “What… Uchi-kun?”
Uchi glares at him. “Do you think this is really an appropriate gift for me after I just broke up with my boyfriend and have zero sex now!? Seriously, I thought you were more sensitive!”
“Eh?”
“And by the way,” Uchi takes a deep breath. “It’s Uchi, NOT Uchi-kun!”
***
Akun yawns tiredly when he walks into Uchi’s apartment. He is glad that the other doesn’t ask him why he is here. Every explanation will sound weird and unbelievable. Truth is that Goto called him and begged him to help.
“What’s that?” He eyes the package on the kitchen table, sighing when the realization dawns on him. So that’s what Fujie meant with natural and wild instincts. “Okay, time for Uncle Igo to take over.”
“Eh?” Uchi blinks in confusion, sitting down with a cup of tea.
“So,” Akun starts. “You are upset?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” the other wants to know.
Uchi blinks in surprise and slight annoyance, then he points at the package. But Akun merely shrugs. “So what?” he wants to know. “It’s just a stupid joke.”
“Exactly,” Uchi grumbles.
“So what exactly is annoying you?” Akun asks bluntly. “That someone sent you ugly pink handcuffs and other interesting stuff (he is actually quite surprised that Fujie was so creative) or that you think that the present is just a joke, not showing any real intentions?”
“Real intentions?” For a moment Uchi looks at Akun in confusion, then he blushes. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Yeah, right,” Akun chuckles. “You are majorly pissed but you don’t know why, exactly?”
“Yes, kind of,” Uchi answers warily.
“So what would you say if you knew that Goto actually wants to use these items earnestly?”
For a moment Uchi is silent, then a blush crawls over his cheeks. “What are you talking about? That’s ridiculous.”
“Oh believe me,” Akun makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. “We are already beyond ridiculous here.” He pauses. “So you and your past relationship…”
“Oh please,” Uchi shakes his head. “It was more like a casual affair, not really a relationship. We just met a couple of times.”
“Really?” Akun wants to know, highly interested. “So, the reason you are upset is not because someone was insensitive towards you?” When Uchi stays quiet, he smiles. “It wasn’t Hiro who sent you this package.”
“Eh?” The other one looks at him in surprise, eyes twitching slightly.
“Now you are disappointed again,” Akun smiles. “Are you not wondering why?”
“I think I am,” Uchi answers warily. “But you are right, I don’t know why. I don’t get it.”
“Well, maybe you should think about exactly that?” Akun advices him. “Why you are actually reacting the way you are.
“But,” Uchi frowns. “Won’t you give me a hint?”
Akun rolls his eyes. “You can’t be serious! I wonder if Goto really knows what he is getting into here.” He grins. “That’s my hint.”
***
I wonder if Goto really knows what he is getting into here.
What kind of hint is that? What’s it supposed to mean? Uchi leans back in his sofa, staring at the wall in highest concentration. What is actually going on here? Somehow he has lost track and he doesn’t know when and how.
“Now you are disappointed again. Are you not wondering why?”
Uchi huffs in annoyance when he remembers these words. Akun, if I knew, I wouldn’t ask you. Idiot.
***
Uchi decides that he should definitely go and apologize to Goto. After all he has blamed him for everything and yelled at him in the middle of the night.
It’s a Sunday and the agency is close to empty. Just a few people are around here, mostly from groups who are having a concert or single release soon and need to practise almost every day, also Sunday.
He tried to call Goto but wasn’t able to reach him. Apparently he has his phone switched off. He sighs slightly, there are tons of rehearsing rooms here and he doesn’t even have one clue where his friend is.
“Searching something?” Daisuke’s voice suddenly interrupts him out from nowhere. He smiles mildly. “Or maybe someone?”
“No.” Uchi is surprised by his own answer, because actually he is searching for someone after all. Why would he lie to Daisuke? He doesn’t know it anymore, it seems like he has totally lost his track. What the heck is going on?
Daisuke merely smiles. “Well then, I thought you were searching Goto-kun. My fault, I guess.” He shrugs. “He was practising right now, in the small rehearsal room in the 3rd floor.”
Uchi is already rushing to the elevator. He doesn’t hear the slight chuckle behind him when Daisuke turns around and walks into the other direction. He has actually planned to join Goto with his rehearsal, but now that Uchi is on his way to him he decides it’s better for them to be alone.
Uchi already hears it when he steps out of the elevator. The soft sound of a violin filling the corridor. He knows this sound better than anything else. It feels like the dream of a summer breeze during cold winter. Like the wish for snow on a hot and humid summer day. It feels like all the things he wants, but can’t express, because he doesn’t know what exactly he wants.
When he opens the door to the rehearsing room he can see Goto immediately. The window is open, it’s an unusually warm day, and the breeze that enters the room brushes through Goto’s hair, tugs a little at the music sheets, before it passes Uchi, pulling along a sweet scent.
Uchi wonders if Goto has always smelled like that. So good.
If he has always looked like that. So beautiful.
If his violin play has always been like that. So stunning.
He doesn’t even realize it when Goto turns around, apparently feeling his presence, and smiles warily. He doesn’t hear him when he calls his name. All he sees are these warm beautiful eyes, the long slender fingers holding the violin stick after they have just produced such a wonderful music, lips slightly parted – like when he plays the violin – hair a bit messy from the wind.
He doesn’t realize it how he walks up to Goto, not saying anything, not answering his question. He only reaches out his hand, touching the other’s cheek softly. Goto is smaller than he is, but that’s nothing new for Uchi. He is tall after all, almost everyone is smaller than him. His thumb strokes over Goto’s cheek, the other hand brushes over his arm, fingers trailing down to his friend’s hand, until they touch the warm surface of the violin. Then he bends forward, kissing Goto’s beautiful lips.
The kiss is soft and careful, like it’s their first kiss. They both know it isn’t, but it feels like it, and this feeling makes butterflies flutter through their stomachs. Uchi can feel Goto’s hand touching his face softly, stroking his curly hair. His lips kissing him back.
That’s when Uchi wakes up again. And realizes what’s happening. He draws back carefully, nervousness in his eyes.
It’s silent between them, then Goto looks up at Uchi suddenly. “Why did you do this?” he wants to know, his eyes almost unreadable. “Why did you kiss me?”
“I don’t know,” Uchi stutters, panic clearly in his voice. What has he done? “I felt like doing it.”
***
When Uchi knocks at Akun’s door his eyes shift to a small paper sticking to it.
Therapy office Igo Akun, closed today.
Solve your problems yourself and talk to Goto.
He is waiting for you, you know?
You don’t run away like that when you kiss someone.
“But,” Uchi stutters, obviously overstrained with the situation.
“Listen,” Akun sighs when he opens the door, much to Uchi’s surprise.
“I thought you aren’t here,” he rasps out.
“I am, but I don’t want you to make things more complicated than they are,” Akun explains.
“Please,” Uchi begs. “Help me. I have no idea what’s going on with me and my feelings anymore. Everything is so confusing.”
Akun sighs slightly, then he nods his head. “Alright, I’ll help you. Just answer to these questions: When you are sad, who do you call? When you are happy, who do you want to share the news with? Who was the reason you broke up with your boyfriend? When you are frustrated with your sexlife who were you thinking of?”
Uchi stays silent at that. He doesn’t even realize how Akun closes the door again, smiling slightly.
He just stands there, totally caught into his own world. Then he breathes in sharply. “It’s Hiromi.”
When he says that, he is pretty sure that someone inside of Akun’s apartment breaths out a ‘Finally’
***
Uchi can’t believe that he is searching for Goto again. The only difference to yesterday is that things got even more complicated because he kissed Goto.
Just like that. And when Goto asked him about his reasons, he ran away.
He can’t believe he just left him. Akun is right, only a douche would do that.
When Uchi steps out of the elevator, same floor as yesterday, he hears it again. The sound of a violin. It feels somehow like yesterday, but still different. It’s not that calming and soothing. It almost sounds confused.
The summer breeze turned into a clouded sky, right before a thunderstorm will come. Uchi gulps slightly, he decides that he can’t wait any longer.
This time he realizes everything around him, though he is still caught by Goto’s sight in front of him, also this time the windows are open, and the wind is brushing through his hair. He still looks pretty. Uchi wonders why he has never realized it till now.
“Hi,” he mumbles shyly.
For a moment Goto is silent, then he smiles. “Hello, Hiroki.”
Uchi’s eyes widen in surprise. Hiroki. It’s the first time Goto calls him like that. He lets it sink in for a moment, enjoying it. It feels so comfortable, so natural, and he wonders why he hasn’t tried harder before to reach out to Goto. He still isn’t sure what they should do now and how they should handle this here between them, and he knows that they won’t find the answers immediately. But he wants to try. It’s not only because he wants to kiss Goto or because he wants to hold him in his arms. There is more to it, because being with Goto feels like being home, like arriving after a long and exhausting ride with the train.
“Why don’t you sing while I play?”
“Eh?” Uchi looks up in surprise. He hasn’t realized how he dozed off.
Goto chuckles. “We haven’t done that in a while. I mean, music.”
“That’s true.” A warm smile curls around Uchi’s lips and he nods his head. “Alright then.”
Goto tightens his grip on his violin, starting from the beginning of the song. It’s a new one. Uchi has written the lyrics for it a while ago and Goto and Daisuke have helped him with the music. But this version they play now is special. It will never be heard by anyone else but them.
Uchi’s beautiful voice mixes with Goto’s soft violin play. He sings like an angel, Goto thinks, although Uchi misses a note and it’s not all that perfect yet, because the song needs more practice. But for Goto it is. Perfection.
Pairing: Goto/Uchi, guest-appearances by everyone else from current Question?
Rating: PG-13
Beta: ryo_pyon
Genre: romance, friendship, bit humour, bit angst.
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: For Goto it’s always been clear what he wants or rather: who he wants, just… how should he go and get it? Everyone else tries to help him in their own way, but unfortunately it’s not making things simpler… Some pink handcuffs, good advices and backfiring plans later, Goto and Uchi are a mess.
Note: This was originally written for crazy-otaku911.
Uchi sings like an angel.
Fact.
And it doesn’t matter to Goto that Daisuke rolls his eyes whenever he says that. Or that Akun lets off a slightly snarky remark.
Uchi sings like an angel.
***
“You remember when I joined the group?”
“I will never forget it,” Goto grins when he says it, so that he doesn’t sound too cheesy. “When I first saw you I thought: Dude, this guy is really tall.”
Uchi chuckles. “I was the whiny kid, right?”
“Was?” Goto mocks him, laughing when Uchi pouts.
“Very funny,” Uchi grumbles, but then he has to laugh too. Maybe, he still is a crybaby sometimes. “Isn’t it part of my charm?”
Goto blinks in surprise. The question comes unexpected and it sounds so innocent, but Goto can’t help a slight blush crawling over his cheeks. Isn’t it part of my charm? He closes his eyes for a moment. Yes, it is part of Uchi’s charm. Besides his slightly curly hair. Soft. His beautiful plump lips. And… Goto swallows, realizing that his thoughts are going into a dangerous direction. He shoves them aside immediately. “So, tell me, who is the new guy you are interested in?”
“Is it really okay to tell you about this?” Uchi wants to know. “I don’t want to bother you.”
“Of course it’s fine.” Goto tries to smile as bright as he can. “That’s what friends are here for, aren’t they? To help with solving love problems.”
He believes in what he has just told Uchi, but one part of him is feeling nervous all of a sudden, something inside him tugging and pulling at him.
***
“Isn’t it fun,” Uchi muses all of a sudden, pointing at Goto. “Your name is Hiromi, right?”
“Yes,” Goto eyes Uchi warily, not sure what this here is about.
“I’m Hiroki,” Uchi chuckles. “This makes the both of us the two Hiros. Like Hero.”
“Wow,” Akun looks at Uchi in mild surprise. “sometimes I really wonder how exactly your brain works.” He blinks in surprise when Goto shoots him a glare, shrugging a bit. He waits for Uchi to stand up and get them some drinks before he faces Goto again. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Oh please,” the other rolls his eyes. “You looked like you wanted to kill me.”
“Please,” Goto looks at his friend earnestly. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Fine,” Akun grins. “So, you didn’t want to kill me, but what was that warning glance for?”
Goto shrugs. “Uchi-kun is not stupid.”
The other one is visibly surprised. “When did I say he was stupid?”
“You hinted it.”
“Oh please,” Akun sighs. “I didn’t hint anything. I just said: sometimes I really wonder how exactly your brain works. And I meant exactly that. Nothing less, nothing more.” He grins out of a sudden. “Makes me wonder why you are so upset about this.”
Goto shakes his head earnestly. “I’m not upset.”
“Apparently you are also very interested in Uchi,” Akun muses, ignoring his friend. “And in his beautiful lips and pretty face, and…”
“Stop it!” Goto huffs, sounding annoyed, while at the same time a slight blush crawls over his cheeks. Somewhere next to him Fujie and Yodogawa start to giggle like madly, making him feel even more embarrassed.
Great. Just because of Akun’s stupid assumptions. As if he has a crush on Uchi.
Beautiful, sweet Uchi…
***
“So, what are we looking for?” Fujie wants to know, his eyes scanning through the shop.
“Something original.”
The other one chuckles. “Anything more precise?”
“I don’t know,” Goto sighs. “I just don’t want to buy something that’s totally boring. Uchi-kun should like it.”
“Yes,” Fujie smiles. “Uchi-kun should like it.”
“Don’t make fun of me,” Goto can’t help an annoyed tune in his voice and Fujie feels guilty almost immediately.
“I’m not making fun of you,” he reassures the other. “I’m just happy that you and Uchi are getting along so well. It’s important to have such a good friend. And…”
“And what?” Goto wants to know, when Fujie stops.
“You like him.”
“Oh no,” the other sighs. “Not you too. Akun really didn’t do me any favour with his suggestions and assumptions.”
“Where they?” Fujie wants to know. “Only assumptions? Or do you really like him?”
For a moment Goto is silent, not sure what to say, but then he shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should think about it?” his friend suggests.
“Why?”
“Because of the way you look at him. You don’t look at anyone else with these eyes,” Fuji turns around before the other could argue or intervene. He grins when he angles for a little item in one of the cupboards. “How about that?”
Goto blinks in surprise. “These are handcuffs!”
“They are pink,” Fujie smirks. “He likes pink. And it’s an original present.”
“And what exactly should he do with it?”
Fujie smirks teasingly. “Why don’t you find out together?”
“Oh damn,” Goto curses, anger in his voice now. He turns around to leave the shop. “I’ll wait for you outside. Hopefully you are normal again then.”
Fujie tilts his head when Goto leaves. Then he chuckles. He grabs the pink handcuffs and walks to the checkout to pay for them. Goto doesn’t need to know that he is going to buy them… and the plans he has with them.
***
“I brought along some movies,” Uchi grabs the package in his hand, frowning when he looks through them. “Oh no.”
“What?” Goto approaches Uchi curiously, taking a look at the movies too. He laughs when he sees the titles. “Nishikido-kun loves art movies and complicated foreign movies, right?”
“I totally forgot that,” Uchi grumbles. “I told him to give me some movies that are perfect for a relaxed video night.” He frowns, checking on the titles. The Fountain (they didn’t even understand the summary on the cover). Vicky Cristina Barcelona (well, at least the cast was hot). Some French titles (None of them knew French, hence they had no idea what the title was about)
Goto has to smile. They chose 5x2 to watch, because it’s the only movie in the bunch that at least sounds like it has a plot. Unfortunately, though it has a plot, it’s a very dramatic one and soon he and Uchi are looking gloomily at the screen, at the verge of tears. He doesn’t understand half of the movie. And it’s horribly sad. But it doesn’t matter that he spends the evening with a complicated, sad Ozon movie, because he also spends it with Uchi.
***
“We should talk about our next concert,” Goto hands some sheets of papers with song titles to Uchi. “I think we should really sing this new song you wrote, Uchi-kun. It’s fabulous.” Goto smiles slightly, he really thinks it’s fabulous. Uchi is so good at this. Making music with him is beautiful.
But to his surprise Uchi is unusually quiet throughout their meeting. Normally he will discuss everything and throw in suggestions, be hyper and in a good mood, but this time he isn’t. It’s almost like he his angry.
After an hour Goto can’t hold back anymore. He looks up from his coffee cup, eyeing Uchi directly now. “Is there a problem, Uchi-kun? You are so quiet.”
For a moment Uchi eyes him warily, then he shakes his head. “I don’t get,” he finally mutters. “Why the hell are you still calling me Uchi-kun?”
“Eh?” Goto stares at the other in disbelief, seriously taken aback by this question. “But…”
“Everyone else just calls me Uchi. Or Hiroki-kun. Or Hiro. Whatever pleases them. Just you are sticking with an honorific.”
Goto can hear it in his friend’s voice how he is clearly affected by it, almost hurt, but he can’t bring himself to say something. He doesn’t know what to say. He fears that when he calls Uchi Hiroki his voice will give it away: Too much affection, too much feelings. He is sure his voice will break when he calls Uchi by his first name and that he won’t be able to fight it back, this feeling inside him whenever he is meeting with Uchi.
“Okay, whatever,” Uchi glares and looks away from the other one. “Let’s just continue with the meeting.”
***
“Did you hear that Uchi and his boyfriend broke up?”
The announcement comes as a surprise for Goto and he looks at Akun curiously. “What? Really?”
The other smirks teasingly. “I knew you would be interested.”
Goto coughs, trying to hide the joy he is feeling. He feels honestly bad for feeling happy, especially since Uchi has to be pretty down now, but one part of him is just… glad. Uchi is available.
“You know,” Akun laughs. “You could try a bit harder to hide your happiness.”
“Is it so obvious?” Goto wants to know.
“Well,” Akun muses. “You could as well stick a post-it to your forehead, saying: FINALLY!”
“That’s mean,” Goto sighs. “I don’t want to be the mean guy.”
Akun shrugs. “I think it’s okay,” he pats his friend’s shoulder, before he grabs a bottle of beer, dropping down on the sofa. “He was a jerk anyway.”
“He was?”
The other shakes his head. “Listen, I know it’s none of my business, but you are meeting Uchi so often. Don’t you talk to him about private things then?”
Goto angles for the second bottle of beer, sitting down next to his friend. “I don’t know. Guess I’m a bit scared.”
“Scared of what?” Akun wants to know. “Uchi?”
“Not exactly,” The other smiles warily. “More like: of losing a friend. I feel like I’m giving too much away of myself when I ask him about his relationship.”
“You mean, you are afraid that he might realize it then, how you feel about him?” Akun tries to set clear, then he shrugs. “So what? What if he knows? What if it’s a good thing when he realizes it?”
“What if he doesn’t like me? He just was in a relationship. And on top of that in a pretty frustrating one. So, what if he doesn’t see me that way? What if I ruin our friendship?”
The other just smiles. “What if you don’t do anything and instead of getting closer to him you are getting farther away? What if not doing anything will always be the thing standing between you.”
Goto chuckles at that. “I’m not the big-feeling type of guy. You know that.”
“Well, you don’t need to confess,” Akun smirks. “I can see how that could be embarrassing when he doesn’t like you back. But at least try to make a move. Try to make him realize that you are there.”
That you are there.
Make a move.
Goto frowns when he locks the door of his apartment behind him. Maybe Akun is right, maybe he should show Uchi that he is there. Give him some signs. He can’t expect him to see him without even showing him that he might like him. How else should Uchi realize?
***
Two weeks later Goto wonders if maybe he should consider Akun’s first advice and switch to wearing a huge sign on his head: Uchi Hiroki, I want you!
Because no matter what he does, Uchi doesn’t see it.
***
“We need to do something about these idiots,” Akun states bluntly.
Fujie smiles. “Figured.”
Akun frowns. He checks his friends properly, pictures of the past suddenly coming to him, when Fujie was meddling with his and Daisuke’s love life. “Wait a moment, what did you do?”
“Well,” Fujie shrugs, twinkling innocently. “Let’s say Yodo-chan and I took care of it.”
“Oh great,” the other breathes out. “The last time you two took care of something Daisuke wasn’t talking to me for two weeks.”
“That’s the past,” Fujie smiles winningly. “Believe me, we grew up now and we found way better ways to help our friends.”
“I don’t doubt that your intensions are sincere,” Akun reassures him. “But I doubt that they will be successful. Meddling with someone else’s love life always backfires.”
“Not necessarily,” Fujie argues. “Yodo-chan and I took care of it. We chose a very mature way of approach. We decided to call out to their natural and wild instincts.”
“Mature and wild instincts?” Akun asks in surprise. “What the hell is that?” He doesn’t get an answer from Fujie and somehow he is glad he doesn’t. He is sure that if he knows he will for sure get furious about it. So, now that he doesn’t know any details, there is no need to be mad at Fujie and Yodogawa…. Though he is sure that he will find out soon and then will feel annoyed. But who knows? Maybe Fujie’s plan isn’t all that bad? Maybe it will work?
***
Uchi stares at the item in disbelief. It arrived with the post today: Pink handcuffs. He checks the card properly and it’s still the same: From Hiromi, let’s play!
Several emotions are flooding him. He feels annoyed by it, because it’s just so out of place. If it was his birthday party now and Goto would give it to him as a joke… that would be fun. But not after he broke up with his boyfriend several weeks ago and basically didn’t have an existent sex life anymore. That’s frustrating! And not really sensitive. Besides that Uchi hates it when people are making fun of him. Especially when it’s Goto.
“Are you nuts!” Uchi huffs in anger.
Goto looks at him in surprise. It’s 2 AM and he is wearing his pyjamas. Until Uchi knocked at his door he was sound asleep. “What… Uchi-kun?”
Uchi glares at him. “Do you think this is really an appropriate gift for me after I just broke up with my boyfriend and have zero sex now!? Seriously, I thought you were more sensitive!”
“Eh?”
“And by the way,” Uchi takes a deep breath. “It’s Uchi, NOT Uchi-kun!”
***
Akun yawns tiredly when he walks into Uchi’s apartment. He is glad that the other doesn’t ask him why he is here. Every explanation will sound weird and unbelievable. Truth is that Goto called him and begged him to help.
“What’s that?” He eyes the package on the kitchen table, sighing when the realization dawns on him. So that’s what Fujie meant with natural and wild instincts. “Okay, time for Uncle Igo to take over.”
“Eh?” Uchi blinks in confusion, sitting down with a cup of tea.
“So,” Akun starts. “You are upset?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” the other wants to know.
Uchi blinks in surprise and slight annoyance, then he points at the package. But Akun merely shrugs. “So what?” he wants to know. “It’s just a stupid joke.”
“Exactly,” Uchi grumbles.
“So what exactly is annoying you?” Akun asks bluntly. “That someone sent you ugly pink handcuffs and other interesting stuff (he is actually quite surprised that Fujie was so creative) or that you think that the present is just a joke, not showing any real intentions?”
“Real intentions?” For a moment Uchi looks at Akun in confusion, then he blushes. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Yeah, right,” Akun chuckles. “You are majorly pissed but you don’t know why, exactly?”
“Yes, kind of,” Uchi answers warily.
“So what would you say if you knew that Goto actually wants to use these items earnestly?”
For a moment Uchi is silent, then a blush crawls over his cheeks. “What are you talking about? That’s ridiculous.”
“Oh believe me,” Akun makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. “We are already beyond ridiculous here.” He pauses. “So you and your past relationship…”
“Oh please,” Uchi shakes his head. “It was more like a casual affair, not really a relationship. We just met a couple of times.”
“Really?” Akun wants to know, highly interested. “So, the reason you are upset is not because someone was insensitive towards you?” When Uchi stays quiet, he smiles. “It wasn’t Hiro who sent you this package.”
“Eh?” The other one looks at him in surprise, eyes twitching slightly.
“Now you are disappointed again,” Akun smiles. “Are you not wondering why?”
“I think I am,” Uchi answers warily. “But you are right, I don’t know why. I don’t get it.”
“Well, maybe you should think about exactly that?” Akun advices him. “Why you are actually reacting the way you are.
“But,” Uchi frowns. “Won’t you give me a hint?”
Akun rolls his eyes. “You can’t be serious! I wonder if Goto really knows what he is getting into here.” He grins. “That’s my hint.”
***
I wonder if Goto really knows what he is getting into here.
What kind of hint is that? What’s it supposed to mean? Uchi leans back in his sofa, staring at the wall in highest concentration. What is actually going on here? Somehow he has lost track and he doesn’t know when and how.
“Now you are disappointed again. Are you not wondering why?”
Uchi huffs in annoyance when he remembers these words. Akun, if I knew, I wouldn’t ask you. Idiot.
***
Uchi decides that he should definitely go and apologize to Goto. After all he has blamed him for everything and yelled at him in the middle of the night.
It’s a Sunday and the agency is close to empty. Just a few people are around here, mostly from groups who are having a concert or single release soon and need to practise almost every day, also Sunday.
He tried to call Goto but wasn’t able to reach him. Apparently he has his phone switched off. He sighs slightly, there are tons of rehearsing rooms here and he doesn’t even have one clue where his friend is.
“Searching something?” Daisuke’s voice suddenly interrupts him out from nowhere. He smiles mildly. “Or maybe someone?”
“No.” Uchi is surprised by his own answer, because actually he is searching for someone after all. Why would he lie to Daisuke? He doesn’t know it anymore, it seems like he has totally lost his track. What the heck is going on?
Daisuke merely smiles. “Well then, I thought you were searching Goto-kun. My fault, I guess.” He shrugs. “He was practising right now, in the small rehearsal room in the 3rd floor.”
Uchi is already rushing to the elevator. He doesn’t hear the slight chuckle behind him when Daisuke turns around and walks into the other direction. He has actually planned to join Goto with his rehearsal, but now that Uchi is on his way to him he decides it’s better for them to be alone.
Uchi already hears it when he steps out of the elevator. The soft sound of a violin filling the corridor. He knows this sound better than anything else. It feels like the dream of a summer breeze during cold winter. Like the wish for snow on a hot and humid summer day. It feels like all the things he wants, but can’t express, because he doesn’t know what exactly he wants.
When he opens the door to the rehearsing room he can see Goto immediately. The window is open, it’s an unusually warm day, and the breeze that enters the room brushes through Goto’s hair, tugs a little at the music sheets, before it passes Uchi, pulling along a sweet scent.
Uchi wonders if Goto has always smelled like that. So good.
If he has always looked like that. So beautiful.
If his violin play has always been like that. So stunning.
He doesn’t even realize it when Goto turns around, apparently feeling his presence, and smiles warily. He doesn’t hear him when he calls his name. All he sees are these warm beautiful eyes, the long slender fingers holding the violin stick after they have just produced such a wonderful music, lips slightly parted – like when he plays the violin – hair a bit messy from the wind.
He doesn’t realize it how he walks up to Goto, not saying anything, not answering his question. He only reaches out his hand, touching the other’s cheek softly. Goto is smaller than he is, but that’s nothing new for Uchi. He is tall after all, almost everyone is smaller than him. His thumb strokes over Goto’s cheek, the other hand brushes over his arm, fingers trailing down to his friend’s hand, until they touch the warm surface of the violin. Then he bends forward, kissing Goto’s beautiful lips.
The kiss is soft and careful, like it’s their first kiss. They both know it isn’t, but it feels like it, and this feeling makes butterflies flutter through their stomachs. Uchi can feel Goto’s hand touching his face softly, stroking his curly hair. His lips kissing him back.
That’s when Uchi wakes up again. And realizes what’s happening. He draws back carefully, nervousness in his eyes.
It’s silent between them, then Goto looks up at Uchi suddenly. “Why did you do this?” he wants to know, his eyes almost unreadable. “Why did you kiss me?”
“I don’t know,” Uchi stutters, panic clearly in his voice. What has he done? “I felt like doing it.”
***
When Uchi knocks at Akun’s door his eyes shift to a small paper sticking to it.
Therapy office Igo Akun, closed today.
Solve your problems yourself and talk to Goto.
He is waiting for you, you know?
You don’t run away like that when you kiss someone.
“But,” Uchi stutters, obviously overstrained with the situation.
“Listen,” Akun sighs when he opens the door, much to Uchi’s surprise.
“I thought you aren’t here,” he rasps out.
“I am, but I don’t want you to make things more complicated than they are,” Akun explains.
“Please,” Uchi begs. “Help me. I have no idea what’s going on with me and my feelings anymore. Everything is so confusing.”
Akun sighs slightly, then he nods his head. “Alright, I’ll help you. Just answer to these questions: When you are sad, who do you call? When you are happy, who do you want to share the news with? Who was the reason you broke up with your boyfriend? When you are frustrated with your sexlife who were you thinking of?”
Uchi stays silent at that. He doesn’t even realize how Akun closes the door again, smiling slightly.
He just stands there, totally caught into his own world. Then he breathes in sharply. “It’s Hiromi.”
When he says that, he is pretty sure that someone inside of Akun’s apartment breaths out a ‘Finally’
***
Uchi can’t believe that he is searching for Goto again. The only difference to yesterday is that things got even more complicated because he kissed Goto.
Just like that. And when Goto asked him about his reasons, he ran away.
He can’t believe he just left him. Akun is right, only a douche would do that.
When Uchi steps out of the elevator, same floor as yesterday, he hears it again. The sound of a violin. It feels somehow like yesterday, but still different. It’s not that calming and soothing. It almost sounds confused.
The summer breeze turned into a clouded sky, right before a thunderstorm will come. Uchi gulps slightly, he decides that he can’t wait any longer.
This time he realizes everything around him, though he is still caught by Goto’s sight in front of him, also this time the windows are open, and the wind is brushing through his hair. He still looks pretty. Uchi wonders why he has never realized it till now.
“Hi,” he mumbles shyly.
For a moment Goto is silent, then he smiles. “Hello, Hiroki.”
Uchi’s eyes widen in surprise. Hiroki. It’s the first time Goto calls him like that. He lets it sink in for a moment, enjoying it. It feels so comfortable, so natural, and he wonders why he hasn’t tried harder before to reach out to Goto. He still isn’t sure what they should do now and how they should handle this here between them, and he knows that they won’t find the answers immediately. But he wants to try. It’s not only because he wants to kiss Goto or because he wants to hold him in his arms. There is more to it, because being with Goto feels like being home, like arriving after a long and exhausting ride with the train.
“Why don’t you sing while I play?”
“Eh?” Uchi looks up in surprise. He hasn’t realized how he dozed off.
Goto chuckles. “We haven’t done that in a while. I mean, music.”
“That’s true.” A warm smile curls around Uchi’s lips and he nods his head. “Alright then.”
Goto tightens his grip on his violin, starting from the beginning of the song. It’s a new one. Uchi has written the lyrics for it a while ago and Goto and Daisuke have helped him with the music. But this version they play now is special. It will never be heard by anyone else but them.
Uchi’s beautiful voice mixes with Goto’s soft violin play. He sings like an angel, Goto thinks, although Uchi misses a note and it’s not all that perfect yet, because the song needs more practice. But for Goto it is. Perfection.
******
Note: Dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support <3 To thank you I opened up a Request Post. If you feel like requesting a one-shot with a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE.
