Date: 2015-01-09 07:54 pm (UTC)
This was great! I loved that the reader was thrown right into the scene, and that while the whole time Sho and Jun are referencing events that the reader didn't witness, and yet we get a clear understanding of exactly what happened. I love the way you wrote the constantly shifting emotions, that without directly saying Jun is upset we know that he is. I thought it was wonderful that you illustrated how complicated Jun found his relationship with Sho to be, and if left me, the reader with an empathy for him, and their situation, because I think we've all had relationships like that. Even in such a short piece you gave your characters depth, and your setting detail--the peach juice was a really great touch. I found myself completely immersed right away, and nothing drew me out. This is really well written, and I'm glad I got to read it! I'd love to see more from you in the future.
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