Instruction Manual (TakaYama)
Feb. 27th, 2016 09:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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yume_to_ameTitle: Instruction Manual
Pairing: TakaYama
Rating: PG-15, maybe up to R
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ivenclaire
Genre: romance, more on the light and fun side
Summary: Yamada is not quite sure how and when it happened, but suddenly he thinks Yuya is hot. Hot enough for Yamada to drop a bomb… as in a confession, or something like that.
Notes: Written forh_itoshi for je-united exchange!
“I think I’m in love with you.” Yamada frowns, reconsidering his words. “Probably.”
Both Yuya and Hikaru spin around, eyeing him in surprise first before they exchange a little glance. Hikaru is the first to regather his composure, like he always does. He laughs, a little nervous though, like he is not sure if it’s really a joke. It. Is. Not! “Who?”
There is sweat dripping down from Hikaru’s face as he was the last to finish rehearsals – he dries it with a tiny towel now before he angles for a bigger one to wrap around his hips. Meanwhile, Yuya is in the middle of changing his clothes, his hands and head half stuck in his fresh shirt while he struggles to get it on completely. His hair is a mess and thanks to the process of switching clothes, the little hairs of his eyebrows are basically sticking out in all kinds of direction. He hops a bit on one leg while he tries to shove the shirt down. His whole face is red from the struggle when he finally manages to squeeze his head through his shirt.
“You could just open the first button, you know?” Hikaru grunts before he turns towards Yamada again. Apparently, he has come to the conclusion that it’s either a joke or something completely innocently meant, because he grins now. “Who do you love, Ryo-chan~?”
Yamada nods towards Yuya who is trying to get his messed up hair under control with a comb. “Him,” he says so earnestly that Hikaru blinks once. Twice. Thrice actually. And Yuya swirls around in a swift movement, hitting his arm against a cupboard. “Just wanted to get it out of my system, I guess. So,” he pretends not to see how Yuya’s mouth basically drops open. “See you next week for rehearsals.”
~~~
Yamada hides his face behind his hands. “Oh my… fuck…”
“Wow,” Yuto’s voice vibrates in open admiration. “What a confession! You are so cool to drop a bomb like that.”
“Oh my God,” Yamada takes a huge gulp from his self-made Pina Colada. “You are right! It was. A bomb. A huge one. What was I thinking!?”
“I wouldn’t call it a bomb,” Keito’s calm voice intervenes.
“It is a super-gigantomatic one,” Yamada argues. Another gulp. “I just couldn’t hold back. He was so cute today when he stumbled during rehearsals. And so cool when he danced. I was suddenly scared that someone would snatch him away.” He frowns.
“Why are you looking at me now?” Keito wants to know, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.
“You are tall and have a trained body,” Yamada points his chopsticks into Keito’s direction while he empties his cocktail in one sip. He refills it immediately again. “Guys like you are potential danger.”
Keito throws a glance towards Yuto. “Did he just really say that?”
Yuto nods. “He did.”
“Okay,” Keito coughs and angles for the bottle with Yamada’s perfectly self-made Pina Colada, which they prepared earlier that evening when Yamada announced that he had a godzilla-sized problem and would throw himself from the roof if they didn’t come to cheer him up. “I think you’ve had enough!”
“Like hell I have,” Yamada curses. “I’m going to drink myself into a hangover so I won’t remember this unfortunate day.”
“Maybe you should rather think about how to face him next week for rehearsals?” Keito suggests mercilessly. He eyes Yuto. “Shouldn’t he?”
Yuto nods. “I think he should.”
“What are you two?” Yamada frowns. “Part of the Muppet Show?”
“Hey, it’s not my fault that you confessed to Yuya-kun out of nowhere,” Yuto says, even pouting slightly.
Before Yamada can even retort something, Keito stops him by asking the obvious question, something Yamada has asked himself thousands of times. “Do you think he likes you too? Do you feel you have a chance?” He folds his hands, resting his chin against them. “You are not the type to act without thinking,” he muses. “So… did he give you signs?”
Yamada sighs deeply and puts his glass of Pina colada aside. He needs to be sober, Keito is right. He thinks for a long time actually. So long that Yuto even excuses himself to go to the bathroom. While Yamada tends to fight with Keito a lot, he is still one of his best friends and now that they are alone, he believes he can be downright honest with him. “I’m not sure,” he answers honestly. “Recently, he was flirting a lot. You know, he has changed… he is suddenly so cool. I don’t get it. I didn’t feel attracted to him before, why now all of a sudden? He has always been good looking after all.”
“He worked pretty hard,” Keito explains. “He has gotten pretty good with his dancing and singing. He has suddenly shown characteristics that make a person more attractive.”
“What?” Yamada blinks. “I don’t get it. Sorry.”
“Listen.” Keito smiles a bit. “It’s the face and looks that make someone good looking, it’s one’s smile and the way his or her eyes shine that make one pretty. But it’s the personality that makes one attractive. Yuya-kun has always been good-looking and he has a beautiful smile, but you feel attracted to him now because he suddenly grew as a person.”
Yamada has to swallow hard at these words. It’s one of Keito’s abilities to say things like that, be so well-spoken. He doesn’t talk that much normally, but when he does, he often hits the nail with his remarks.
“Is that the reason why you are with Yuto?” Yamada wants to know, glad that Yuto isn’t around right now, so that he can ask boldly.
Keito smiles almost shyly. “Yuto is a wonderful person. Always has been. And I like his looks too. He just makes me laugh and he is kind and funny, and cool. I like that.”
So cheesy, it’s unbelievable. For a moment Yamada is afraid that he might get caries from that. Not that he isn’t happy for his friends, but while he himself enjoys all kinds of sappy romance movies, in real life, he rather likes to stay away from sap.
~~~
The next week, he and Yuya do the obvious. Pretend like nothing happened. Even though Yamada can see clearly how Hikaru elbows Yuya’s sides several times, and Keito throws him the one or other encouraging glance.
He will probably need to leave the country if it’s going to continue like that!
If anything, Yuya looks even hotter than last week. He has pulled his hair back with some hairclips which would look stupid on anyone else. But he looks so good with them. Plus, he is wearing those tight black trousers and a casual blue shirt for rehearsals. So cool, without any intent behind it.
His dance moves have become better and better over the years, and he even has that semi-seductive thing going on with rolling his hips. The first time Yamada noticed he can do that was probably when they started practising for Yes. When did Yuya actually become hot! Fuck it… that’s not fair! Why didn’t he remain the good-looking childish dork?
Yamada stays deliberately behind when the others head for the dressing room. He only nods when Chinen tells him that they are all going to order pizza and he should hurry and meet them in the studio so that they can eat.
He stays behind because even the thought of having to walk next to Yuya – although the others are around – already drives him nuts. But of course, his luck is rotten, because…
“Did I forget my wallet here?” Yuya frowns when he peaks into their rehearsal room. When his eyes catch Yamada, he seems to be a bit flustered though. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Didn’t want to interrupt you.”
Yamada swallows down the knot in his throat and points at a few things on the bench. “Is that maybe yours?”
Yuya’s eyes light up. “Yeah, glad it’s still there!” He catches his wallet and puts it in his bag. Then he turns around, biting his lips as he eyes Yamada. “Are you not coming?” he asks, voice hoarse – and it sounds so… oh my god.
“I’ll meet you later.” Yamada says casually. “I told Yuri that they should just go ahead.”
There is sudden determination in Yuya’s eyes. “Okay, then I’ll wait for you so that you won’t have to go there alone. Would be freaking depressive.”
Yamada’s ears ring at these words. Beyond all he remembers of Keito’s words, about what makes a person attractive. It dawns on him slowly that Yuya hasn’t been that attentive and mature before – waiting for someone because he didn’t want him to be all alone, and because it was impolite to just leave him.
~~~
Since he feels a bit uncomfortable with Yuya in the same room, watching him as he dances – though actually he isn’t even watching, but playing with his phone – he decides to cut his solo rehearsals short.
It’s only one hour after the others that they sit in the car of their manager, driving them to the studio. “Pizza, huh?” Yamada muses.
Yuya grins. “You don’t sound too happy with that choice?”
“Well, pizza means carbs. And cheese. And I don’t want to get into yet another fight with my costume designer.” Weight issues. He was bothered by that years ago, now it’s just part of his life. And he doesn’t get a life crisis anymore when he gains 3 or 4 pounds.
Yuya chuckles. “Same problem here. And when Mr.always-skinny, Hika and Yabu, go for the double cheese, extra ham and mayonnaise pizza, I would sometimes like to kill them.”
“Hello?” Yamada plays along. “Ever gone out with No-matter-what-I-do-I-just-won’t-gain-weight Yuto?”
“Yeah, that’s even worse. But you know-” Yuya shrugs. “You are fine the way you are. So, we are not the skinniest amongst the others, but when we train, we get some nice abs. Fans consider you or Keito as hot, not Yuto or Yabu-kun. So every coin has two sides, I guess.”
Is he just having a freaking serious talk with Yuya about life, their jobs and how they appear on the outside!? And did Yuya just call him hot?
What is he supposed to do or say now? Damn it, he is getting awkward around Yuya. Isn’t that even worse than his weird confession – Yuya might still take that as a joke after all, unlike his weird behaviour.
Right at the moment, when Yamada is about to say something, their chauffeur has to put on the emergency break, because apparently, another car passes without looking properly. He halts the car suddenly, wheels squeaking, and both Yuya and Yamada being thrown forward and to the side. And suddenly, Yuya is so close to him that his breath is hitting his neck. Yamada closes his eyes, not sure what to do or say. He doesn’t want to ruin this moment, especially not after Yuya’s fingertips touch his hand. A feather-light touch, like it’s a coincidence.
Then however, their manager on the passenger’s seat turns around to look at them. “Are you two alright?”
“Sure,” Yamada mumbles. “No worries.” He is almost disappointed at the interruption.
When their driver continues, Yuya is back at his seat, but his cheeks are coloured in a slight red.
~~~
They celebrate Christmas. Just as every other group in their agency, they have their own private party, where it’s only themselves, possible partners and girlfriends, and the one or other Junior, co-worker or senpai they are really really close to. Which means they can be themselves, as stupid and un-idoly as they want to be.
They have met up in one of the apartments of the higher ups, which are basically for meetings and party occasions. Hence perfect. There is a living room, a kitchen, even a small bedroom for emergency guests and a bathroom. Plenty of food and alcohol included.
At around midnight, Daiki and Hikaru are pretty wasted. Keito and Yuto make out somewhere, and Yuri has broken up and gotten together with his girlfriend twice already this evening. When Hikaru calls for a round of strip poker, Yamada decides he needs to get another drink. He is definitely not drunk enough for something like that.
When he goes to the kitchen, he unfortunately stumbles over Kei, who is talking about some sort of relationship problems on the phone. And while he really enjoys juicy details about his friends’ love affairs, he doesn’t want to give the vibe of prying on someone, especially when Kei’s face is super-earnest. So, he just grabs the whisky, his glass and nods encouragingly towards Kei before finally hiding in the emergency bedroom.
It’s silent here, calming, and he sits down on the bed enjoying the quiet minutes he has on his own. He thinks it’s going to be minutes… but after a few seconds, the door already gets opened again. Yamada wonders if his luck is actually rotten or good. He isn’t sure. When Yuya carefully peaks into the room, he decides he has had at least enough drinks to take it as good luck.
“Sorry,” Yuya sighs. “Didn’t know someone is in here. But these idiots are playing strip-poker now. And in the other corner, Yuto is all over Keito… and Kei is…”
“I know,” Yamada waves with his hand. “Feel free to join me in this madness-free zone!”
“Awesome,” Yuya giggles and slips through the door, closing it behind him. He doesn’t join Yamada on the bed though, instead, he leans against the wall right next to the window. Yamada gulps a bit, he is so handsome again. So tall, and his hair looks cute – it’s slightly longer now, which suits him. Also, he has dressed casual again, with a pair of dark-blue jeans and a cute black motto-shirt. He is like the only guy who looks good in these shirts, seriously. And he is tall, so tall…
At one point, Yamada stands up and joins him at the window. It’s supposed to be all casual, but his stupid heart hammers against his chest madly. He is glad that he can later blame it on the alcohol that he stands a bit too close to Yuya, that he presses his hand against the wall casually like he is supporting his weight while he just wants to lean closer.
“How much did you drink?” Yuya asks and his voice is all hoarse, shaking slightly.
“And you?” Yamada asks without answering.
It’s all the invitation needed it seems, as suddenly there are Yuya’s hands on his hips, pulling him closer, and Yamada just happily leans forward, fingers grabbing Yuya’s face and pulling him into a heated kiss. He tastes like whisky lemon, and his lips almost burn on Yamada’s neck once they move over it. His hands are suddenly underneath Yuya’s shirt, and right when he wonders if it’s not going a bit too far, considering where they are and that they have drunk and not talked about feelings and stuff, Yuya opens the buttons of Yamada’s trousers with deft fingers.
It happens so fast that Yamada just has to switch his brain off. He can feel Yuya lifting his shirt, his lips against his skin. “You are so hot,” Yuya mumbles against his stomach. “Your body is so freaking hot.”
Then he is down on his knees, and all Yamada can do while Yuya sucks him off, is dive his fingers through that beautiful, slightly curly hair of Yuya while Yuya’s hands are gripping his hips firmly, pressing him against the wall and stopping him from bucking them too much. Yuya’s lips are so warm. It’s better than in all his secret dreams. All he can do is throw back his head as the pleasure is running through him and bite down on his lips to muffle his own moans.
~~~
He goes for coffee with Keito. Keito’s calm attitude is exactly what he needs. When he tells him what happened during the party though, Keito almost spits out his coffee again. “What!? A blow job? ”
“Sh!” Yamada frowns, eyeing their surroundings and frowning at the curious glances thrown towards them. “Don’t forget where we are!”
“So, you are together now?”
“I have no idea,” Yamada sighs in frustration. “Afterwards, we had to go back before the others would look for us. It’s so… I mean…”
“Call him.” Keito shrugs like it’s the most obvious thing to do. Maybe to Keito it actually is, but for others, like Yamada, it’s more difficult.
“And what should I say?” Yamada frowns. “Thanks for the blow-job. Want to repeat it?”
“Well, at least that’s an approach,” Keito points out. “What’s the other option? Doing nothing at all?”
Seeing as Keito has a point, Yamada lets this possibility go through his head. But it’s so freaking embarrassing that he just can’t even wrap his mind around it. He could go for another approach though. “What about writing a message?”
Keito doesn’t seem to be convinced though. “I think there are things one should rather say personally, using one’s voice.”
Apparently, such things are easy for Keito. Unfortunately, they are not for Yamada. But then, Keito is right, he needs to say something. So he writes to Yuya, right here, right now.
Do you want to meet?
The answer comes fast, and unpredictable, and a little crushing. Yeah, maybe. I just need to think, you know?
Yamada doesn’t know. He doesn’t get it at all. Keito is a good friend, gladly, and doesn’t say something alongside the words: you should have called him or visited him personally. Because he is right, it would have been a lot clearer to do so.
~~~
The next days pass with nothing happening, except the obvious awkwardness during rehearsals which gladly, Yamada can get around a bit because there are seven other people besides the two of them.
On a scale from one to ten, Yamada would give himself a not so solid three in terms of patience. With Yuya and the recent happenings – namely waiting for a proper answer – it might even be a four! But at one point he has it.
He takes his phone once more, ignoring the glare Keito throws at him when he realizes that he is again not talking to Yuya directly, and writes him something alongside the words. Okay, forget it.
Then he goes to the supermarket, home and bakes bread. Milk roll. Normal brown bread. Croissants filled with jam. Sweet plaited bun. And gingerbread, which is actually not bread, but has bread in its name, so it counts. And Yamada likes to have cookies now, damn it!
When he is finished, he knows he can’t eat all of that. It’s basically carbohydrate overdose. For a moment, he wonders what the hell to do – call Keito? But he has bothered Keito often enough with his drama. Yuri or Yuto? Yuri is on a date today, and it’s not that much of an emergency to disturb his date. And Yuto would probably tell Keito about it, which would be pretty contraproductive.
Hence, for the moment, Yamada decides not to do anything at all. He just puts the fresh bread into the fridge, takes a glass and prepares himself some eggnog. He has always wanted to try that. It tastes bad and good at once, which is really a whole new experience for Yamada.
He is about to get cosy on his sofa when his doorbell starts ringing madly. Well, he is not at home today, he decides. No matter who it is. But as the ringing doesn’t stop, Yamada sighs in mere frustration. Needs to be someone persistent, seriously. Get the message, idiot!
Still, in fear that it might actually be something urgent, he drags himself to the door, opening it clumsily. “What is it?” he grumbles, before his eyes widen in surprise as he sees the person in front of him.
Can’t be…
“You?”
“Hm,” Yuya says, but doesn’t waste any more time. He wraps his arms around Yamada, kicking the door close with his leg. Then Yamada feels lips against his neck – they are cold from the icy weather outside – but the traces they leave on his skin aren’t cold at all. More like hot burning patterns that are being drawn there.
They stumble into his living room like that, dropping down on the sofa. When Yamada feels Yuya’s hand in his pants, it basically kicks his senses back in. “Wait a moment,” he takes Yuya’s hand, stopping it from going any further. “I don’t want to sound like a shy virgin, because I’m not, but… what the hell?”
Yuya looks up at him. His lips are slightly parted, his hair a little messy, and he has lost his sweater on his way to the living room, only clothed in his simple blue jeans and a white shirt now. He looks so freaking hot that Yamada’s resolution almost shatters.
“It’s just…” Yuya looks away nervously. “It’s… You know,” he stutters, looking at Yamada again. “I am not the smartest person in the universe. So I might need a bit longer to voice it in words…”
“But your message didn’t sound too promising for anything,” Yamada argues.
“That’s because I didn’t get what you meant with your message. Like… meet… for what? Sex? Food? Or did you want to end whatever hasn’t started yet? I decided I needed to be prepared for whatever meaning it had. But then you wrote this other weird message, and I panicked. So I dropped by.”
Yamada sighs. “I just wanted to ask if you’d like to meet. Simple as that. What’s so difficult to understand? And damn it, I even confessed to you!”
Yuya tilts his head, then he nods. “Right, I forgot, you did.”
“You forgot?” Yamada grins. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“You know, in case you want to have anything going with me,” Yamada explains calmly. “You need to remember these things. Confessions, birthdays, dates and anniversaries.”
“Fine.” Yuya chuckles, his arms moving up Yamada’s waist, before he leans forward to press his lips against his temples. “I’ll try.”
Only remotely Yamada wonders what Yuya’s I’ll try means. Does that mean he would need to send him a reminder before each important date and make lots of obvious hints before his birthday? Sounds a bit exhausting to be honest.
Then however, Yuya eyes the few pieces of bread Yamada has placed on his table. His eyes light up. “Did you bake them? Wow!”
Yamada shrugs. “Yeah. Not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” Yuya’s voice vibrates in admiration. “You really know a lot about all kinds of things. You are brilliant, Ryosuke. So freaking talented in all kinds of areas.”
Hearing his first name without a suffix and the obvious admiration and compliment out of Yuya’s mouth, sends chills over Yamada’s back. He hasn’t believed that it would be so fulfilling to hear praise from someone he likes that much. Yuya might not be the one with the most eloquent speech but what he tells Yamada will most likely always come from the heart. That’s something Yamada for sure can learn to cherish, he knows that he can.
“Well, I can cook for you whenever I am free, which isn’t quite often to be honest,” he suggests.
Yuya smiles one of those happy, crooked smiles that Yamada loves so much. “Boy, am I lucky,” he chuckles. “Are you also that talented in bed?”
So cheesy. It’s so freaking cliché that Yamada would have dropped on the floor curling in laughter if Yuya hadn’t wrapped his arms around his waist. The best way to answer such a sappy pick-up line would probably be with something equally clichéd:
“Why don’t you give it a try and see?”
Pairing: TakaYama
Rating: PG-15, maybe up to R
Beta:
ivenclaireGenre: romance, more on the light and fun side
Summary: Yamada is not quite sure how and when it happened, but suddenly he thinks Yuya is hot. Hot enough for Yamada to drop a bomb… as in a confession, or something like that.
Notes: Written for
h_itoshi for je-united exchange!“I think I’m in love with you.” Yamada frowns, reconsidering his words. “Probably.”
Both Yuya and Hikaru spin around, eyeing him in surprise first before they exchange a little glance. Hikaru is the first to regather his composure, like he always does. He laughs, a little nervous though, like he is not sure if it’s really a joke. It. Is. Not! “Who?”
There is sweat dripping down from Hikaru’s face as he was the last to finish rehearsals – he dries it with a tiny towel now before he angles for a bigger one to wrap around his hips. Meanwhile, Yuya is in the middle of changing his clothes, his hands and head half stuck in his fresh shirt while he struggles to get it on completely. His hair is a mess and thanks to the process of switching clothes, the little hairs of his eyebrows are basically sticking out in all kinds of direction. He hops a bit on one leg while he tries to shove the shirt down. His whole face is red from the struggle when he finally manages to squeeze his head through his shirt.
“You could just open the first button, you know?” Hikaru grunts before he turns towards Yamada again. Apparently, he has come to the conclusion that it’s either a joke or something completely innocently meant, because he grins now. “Who do you love, Ryo-chan~?”
Yamada nods towards Yuya who is trying to get his messed up hair under control with a comb. “Him,” he says so earnestly that Hikaru blinks once. Twice. Thrice actually. And Yuya swirls around in a swift movement, hitting his arm against a cupboard. “Just wanted to get it out of my system, I guess. So,” he pretends not to see how Yuya’s mouth basically drops open. “See you next week for rehearsals.”
~~~
Yamada hides his face behind his hands. “Oh my… fuck…”
“Wow,” Yuto’s voice vibrates in open admiration. “What a confession! You are so cool to drop a bomb like that.”
“Oh my God,” Yamada takes a huge gulp from his self-made Pina Colada. “You are right! It was. A bomb. A huge one. What was I thinking!?”
“I wouldn’t call it a bomb,” Keito’s calm voice intervenes.
“It is a super-gigantomatic one,” Yamada argues. Another gulp. “I just couldn’t hold back. He was so cute today when he stumbled during rehearsals. And so cool when he danced. I was suddenly scared that someone would snatch him away.” He frowns.
“Why are you looking at me now?” Keito wants to know, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.
“You are tall and have a trained body,” Yamada points his chopsticks into Keito’s direction while he empties his cocktail in one sip. He refills it immediately again. “Guys like you are potential danger.”
Keito throws a glance towards Yuto. “Did he just really say that?”
Yuto nods. “He did.”
“Okay,” Keito coughs and angles for the bottle with Yamada’s perfectly self-made Pina Colada, which they prepared earlier that evening when Yamada announced that he had a godzilla-sized problem and would throw himself from the roof if they didn’t come to cheer him up. “I think you’ve had enough!”
“Like hell I have,” Yamada curses. “I’m going to drink myself into a hangover so I won’t remember this unfortunate day.”
“Maybe you should rather think about how to face him next week for rehearsals?” Keito suggests mercilessly. He eyes Yuto. “Shouldn’t he?”
Yuto nods. “I think he should.”
“What are you two?” Yamada frowns. “Part of the Muppet Show?”
“Hey, it’s not my fault that you confessed to Yuya-kun out of nowhere,” Yuto says, even pouting slightly.
Before Yamada can even retort something, Keito stops him by asking the obvious question, something Yamada has asked himself thousands of times. “Do you think he likes you too? Do you feel you have a chance?” He folds his hands, resting his chin against them. “You are not the type to act without thinking,” he muses. “So… did he give you signs?”
Yamada sighs deeply and puts his glass of Pina colada aside. He needs to be sober, Keito is right. He thinks for a long time actually. So long that Yuto even excuses himself to go to the bathroom. While Yamada tends to fight with Keito a lot, he is still one of his best friends and now that they are alone, he believes he can be downright honest with him. “I’m not sure,” he answers honestly. “Recently, he was flirting a lot. You know, he has changed… he is suddenly so cool. I don’t get it. I didn’t feel attracted to him before, why now all of a sudden? He has always been good looking after all.”
“He worked pretty hard,” Keito explains. “He has gotten pretty good with his dancing and singing. He has suddenly shown characteristics that make a person more attractive.”
“What?” Yamada blinks. “I don’t get it. Sorry.”
“Listen.” Keito smiles a bit. “It’s the face and looks that make someone good looking, it’s one’s smile and the way his or her eyes shine that make one pretty. But it’s the personality that makes one attractive. Yuya-kun has always been good-looking and he has a beautiful smile, but you feel attracted to him now because he suddenly grew as a person.”
Yamada has to swallow hard at these words. It’s one of Keito’s abilities to say things like that, be so well-spoken. He doesn’t talk that much normally, but when he does, he often hits the nail with his remarks.
“Is that the reason why you are with Yuto?” Yamada wants to know, glad that Yuto isn’t around right now, so that he can ask boldly.
Keito smiles almost shyly. “Yuto is a wonderful person. Always has been. And I like his looks too. He just makes me laugh and he is kind and funny, and cool. I like that.”
So cheesy, it’s unbelievable. For a moment Yamada is afraid that he might get caries from that. Not that he isn’t happy for his friends, but while he himself enjoys all kinds of sappy romance movies, in real life, he rather likes to stay away from sap.
~~~
The next week, he and Yuya do the obvious. Pretend like nothing happened. Even though Yamada can see clearly how Hikaru elbows Yuya’s sides several times, and Keito throws him the one or other encouraging glance.
He will probably need to leave the country if it’s going to continue like that!
If anything, Yuya looks even hotter than last week. He has pulled his hair back with some hairclips which would look stupid on anyone else. But he looks so good with them. Plus, he is wearing those tight black trousers and a casual blue shirt for rehearsals. So cool, without any intent behind it.
His dance moves have become better and better over the years, and he even has that semi-seductive thing going on with rolling his hips. The first time Yamada noticed he can do that was probably when they started practising for Yes. When did Yuya actually become hot! Fuck it… that’s not fair! Why didn’t he remain the good-looking childish dork?
Yamada stays deliberately behind when the others head for the dressing room. He only nods when Chinen tells him that they are all going to order pizza and he should hurry and meet them in the studio so that they can eat.
He stays behind because even the thought of having to walk next to Yuya – although the others are around – already drives him nuts. But of course, his luck is rotten, because…
“Did I forget my wallet here?” Yuya frowns when he peaks into their rehearsal room. When his eyes catch Yamada, he seems to be a bit flustered though. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Didn’t want to interrupt you.”
Yamada swallows down the knot in his throat and points at a few things on the bench. “Is that maybe yours?”
Yuya’s eyes light up. “Yeah, glad it’s still there!” He catches his wallet and puts it in his bag. Then he turns around, biting his lips as he eyes Yamada. “Are you not coming?” he asks, voice hoarse – and it sounds so… oh my god.
“I’ll meet you later.” Yamada says casually. “I told Yuri that they should just go ahead.”
There is sudden determination in Yuya’s eyes. “Okay, then I’ll wait for you so that you won’t have to go there alone. Would be freaking depressive.”
Yamada’s ears ring at these words. Beyond all he remembers of Keito’s words, about what makes a person attractive. It dawns on him slowly that Yuya hasn’t been that attentive and mature before – waiting for someone because he didn’t want him to be all alone, and because it was impolite to just leave him.
~~~
Since he feels a bit uncomfortable with Yuya in the same room, watching him as he dances – though actually he isn’t even watching, but playing with his phone – he decides to cut his solo rehearsals short.
It’s only one hour after the others that they sit in the car of their manager, driving them to the studio. “Pizza, huh?” Yamada muses.
Yuya grins. “You don’t sound too happy with that choice?”
“Well, pizza means carbs. And cheese. And I don’t want to get into yet another fight with my costume designer.” Weight issues. He was bothered by that years ago, now it’s just part of his life. And he doesn’t get a life crisis anymore when he gains 3 or 4 pounds.
Yuya chuckles. “Same problem here. And when Mr.always-skinny, Hika and Yabu, go for the double cheese, extra ham and mayonnaise pizza, I would sometimes like to kill them.”
“Hello?” Yamada plays along. “Ever gone out with No-matter-what-I-do-I-just-won’t-gain-weight Yuto?”
“Yeah, that’s even worse. But you know-” Yuya shrugs. “You are fine the way you are. So, we are not the skinniest amongst the others, but when we train, we get some nice abs. Fans consider you or Keito as hot, not Yuto or Yabu-kun. So every coin has two sides, I guess.”
Is he just having a freaking serious talk with Yuya about life, their jobs and how they appear on the outside!? And did Yuya just call him hot?
What is he supposed to do or say now? Damn it, he is getting awkward around Yuya. Isn’t that even worse than his weird confession – Yuya might still take that as a joke after all, unlike his weird behaviour.
Right at the moment, when Yamada is about to say something, their chauffeur has to put on the emergency break, because apparently, another car passes without looking properly. He halts the car suddenly, wheels squeaking, and both Yuya and Yamada being thrown forward and to the side. And suddenly, Yuya is so close to him that his breath is hitting his neck. Yamada closes his eyes, not sure what to do or say. He doesn’t want to ruin this moment, especially not after Yuya’s fingertips touch his hand. A feather-light touch, like it’s a coincidence.
Then however, their manager on the passenger’s seat turns around to look at them. “Are you two alright?”
“Sure,” Yamada mumbles. “No worries.” He is almost disappointed at the interruption.
When their driver continues, Yuya is back at his seat, but his cheeks are coloured in a slight red.
~~~
They celebrate Christmas. Just as every other group in their agency, they have their own private party, where it’s only themselves, possible partners and girlfriends, and the one or other Junior, co-worker or senpai they are really really close to. Which means they can be themselves, as stupid and un-idoly as they want to be.
They have met up in one of the apartments of the higher ups, which are basically for meetings and party occasions. Hence perfect. There is a living room, a kitchen, even a small bedroom for emergency guests and a bathroom. Plenty of food and alcohol included.
At around midnight, Daiki and Hikaru are pretty wasted. Keito and Yuto make out somewhere, and Yuri has broken up and gotten together with his girlfriend twice already this evening. When Hikaru calls for a round of strip poker, Yamada decides he needs to get another drink. He is definitely not drunk enough for something like that.
When he goes to the kitchen, he unfortunately stumbles over Kei, who is talking about some sort of relationship problems on the phone. And while he really enjoys juicy details about his friends’ love affairs, he doesn’t want to give the vibe of prying on someone, especially when Kei’s face is super-earnest. So, he just grabs the whisky, his glass and nods encouragingly towards Kei before finally hiding in the emergency bedroom.
It’s silent here, calming, and he sits down on the bed enjoying the quiet minutes he has on his own. He thinks it’s going to be minutes… but after a few seconds, the door already gets opened again. Yamada wonders if his luck is actually rotten or good. He isn’t sure. When Yuya carefully peaks into the room, he decides he has had at least enough drinks to take it as good luck.
“Sorry,” Yuya sighs. “Didn’t know someone is in here. But these idiots are playing strip-poker now. And in the other corner, Yuto is all over Keito… and Kei is…”
“I know,” Yamada waves with his hand. “Feel free to join me in this madness-free zone!”
“Awesome,” Yuya giggles and slips through the door, closing it behind him. He doesn’t join Yamada on the bed though, instead, he leans against the wall right next to the window. Yamada gulps a bit, he is so handsome again. So tall, and his hair looks cute – it’s slightly longer now, which suits him. Also, he has dressed casual again, with a pair of dark-blue jeans and a cute black motto-shirt. He is like the only guy who looks good in these shirts, seriously. And he is tall, so tall…
At one point, Yamada stands up and joins him at the window. It’s supposed to be all casual, but his stupid heart hammers against his chest madly. He is glad that he can later blame it on the alcohol that he stands a bit too close to Yuya, that he presses his hand against the wall casually like he is supporting his weight while he just wants to lean closer.
“How much did you drink?” Yuya asks and his voice is all hoarse, shaking slightly.
“And you?” Yamada asks without answering.
It’s all the invitation needed it seems, as suddenly there are Yuya’s hands on his hips, pulling him closer, and Yamada just happily leans forward, fingers grabbing Yuya’s face and pulling him into a heated kiss. He tastes like whisky lemon, and his lips almost burn on Yamada’s neck once they move over it. His hands are suddenly underneath Yuya’s shirt, and right when he wonders if it’s not going a bit too far, considering where they are and that they have drunk and not talked about feelings and stuff, Yuya opens the buttons of Yamada’s trousers with deft fingers.
It happens so fast that Yamada just has to switch his brain off. He can feel Yuya lifting his shirt, his lips against his skin. “You are so hot,” Yuya mumbles against his stomach. “Your body is so freaking hot.”
Then he is down on his knees, and all Yamada can do while Yuya sucks him off, is dive his fingers through that beautiful, slightly curly hair of Yuya while Yuya’s hands are gripping his hips firmly, pressing him against the wall and stopping him from bucking them too much. Yuya’s lips are so warm. It’s better than in all his secret dreams. All he can do is throw back his head as the pleasure is running through him and bite down on his lips to muffle his own moans.
~~~
He goes for coffee with Keito. Keito’s calm attitude is exactly what he needs. When he tells him what happened during the party though, Keito almost spits out his coffee again. “What!? A blow job? ”
“Sh!” Yamada frowns, eyeing their surroundings and frowning at the curious glances thrown towards them. “Don’t forget where we are!”
“So, you are together now?”
“I have no idea,” Yamada sighs in frustration. “Afterwards, we had to go back before the others would look for us. It’s so… I mean…”
“Call him.” Keito shrugs like it’s the most obvious thing to do. Maybe to Keito it actually is, but for others, like Yamada, it’s more difficult.
“And what should I say?” Yamada frowns. “Thanks for the blow-job. Want to repeat it?”
“Well, at least that’s an approach,” Keito points out. “What’s the other option? Doing nothing at all?”
Seeing as Keito has a point, Yamada lets this possibility go through his head. But it’s so freaking embarrassing that he just can’t even wrap his mind around it. He could go for another approach though. “What about writing a message?”
Keito doesn’t seem to be convinced though. “I think there are things one should rather say personally, using one’s voice.”
Apparently, such things are easy for Keito. Unfortunately, they are not for Yamada. But then, Keito is right, he needs to say something. So he writes to Yuya, right here, right now.
Do you want to meet?
The answer comes fast, and unpredictable, and a little crushing. Yeah, maybe. I just need to think, you know?
Yamada doesn’t know. He doesn’t get it at all. Keito is a good friend, gladly, and doesn’t say something alongside the words: you should have called him or visited him personally. Because he is right, it would have been a lot clearer to do so.
~~~
The next days pass with nothing happening, except the obvious awkwardness during rehearsals which gladly, Yamada can get around a bit because there are seven other people besides the two of them.
On a scale from one to ten, Yamada would give himself a not so solid three in terms of patience. With Yuya and the recent happenings – namely waiting for a proper answer – it might even be a four! But at one point he has it.
He takes his phone once more, ignoring the glare Keito throws at him when he realizes that he is again not talking to Yuya directly, and writes him something alongside the words. Okay, forget it.
Then he goes to the supermarket, home and bakes bread. Milk roll. Normal brown bread. Croissants filled with jam. Sweet plaited bun. And gingerbread, which is actually not bread, but has bread in its name, so it counts. And Yamada likes to have cookies now, damn it!
When he is finished, he knows he can’t eat all of that. It’s basically carbohydrate overdose. For a moment, he wonders what the hell to do – call Keito? But he has bothered Keito often enough with his drama. Yuri or Yuto? Yuri is on a date today, and it’s not that much of an emergency to disturb his date. And Yuto would probably tell Keito about it, which would be pretty contraproductive.
Hence, for the moment, Yamada decides not to do anything at all. He just puts the fresh bread into the fridge, takes a glass and prepares himself some eggnog. He has always wanted to try that. It tastes bad and good at once, which is really a whole new experience for Yamada.
He is about to get cosy on his sofa when his doorbell starts ringing madly. Well, he is not at home today, he decides. No matter who it is. But as the ringing doesn’t stop, Yamada sighs in mere frustration. Needs to be someone persistent, seriously. Get the message, idiot!
Still, in fear that it might actually be something urgent, he drags himself to the door, opening it clumsily. “What is it?” he grumbles, before his eyes widen in surprise as he sees the person in front of him.
Can’t be…
“You?”
“Hm,” Yuya says, but doesn’t waste any more time. He wraps his arms around Yamada, kicking the door close with his leg. Then Yamada feels lips against his neck – they are cold from the icy weather outside – but the traces they leave on his skin aren’t cold at all. More like hot burning patterns that are being drawn there.
They stumble into his living room like that, dropping down on the sofa. When Yamada feels Yuya’s hand in his pants, it basically kicks his senses back in. “Wait a moment,” he takes Yuya’s hand, stopping it from going any further. “I don’t want to sound like a shy virgin, because I’m not, but… what the hell?”
Yuya looks up at him. His lips are slightly parted, his hair a little messy, and he has lost his sweater on his way to the living room, only clothed in his simple blue jeans and a white shirt now. He looks so freaking hot that Yamada’s resolution almost shatters.
“It’s just…” Yuya looks away nervously. “It’s… You know,” he stutters, looking at Yamada again. “I am not the smartest person in the universe. So I might need a bit longer to voice it in words…”
“But your message didn’t sound too promising for anything,” Yamada argues.
“That’s because I didn’t get what you meant with your message. Like… meet… for what? Sex? Food? Or did you want to end whatever hasn’t started yet? I decided I needed to be prepared for whatever meaning it had. But then you wrote this other weird message, and I panicked. So I dropped by.”
Yamada sighs. “I just wanted to ask if you’d like to meet. Simple as that. What’s so difficult to understand? And damn it, I even confessed to you!”
Yuya tilts his head, then he nods. “Right, I forgot, you did.”
“You forgot?” Yamada grins. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“You know, in case you want to have anything going with me,” Yamada explains calmly. “You need to remember these things. Confessions, birthdays, dates and anniversaries.”
“Fine.” Yuya chuckles, his arms moving up Yamada’s waist, before he leans forward to press his lips against his temples. “I’ll try.”
Only remotely Yamada wonders what Yuya’s I’ll try means. Does that mean he would need to send him a reminder before each important date and make lots of obvious hints before his birthday? Sounds a bit exhausting to be honest.
Then however, Yuya eyes the few pieces of bread Yamada has placed on his table. His eyes light up. “Did you bake them? Wow!”
Yamada shrugs. “Yeah. Not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” Yuya’s voice vibrates in admiration. “You really know a lot about all kinds of things. You are brilliant, Ryosuke. So freaking talented in all kinds of areas.”
Hearing his first name without a suffix and the obvious admiration and compliment out of Yuya’s mouth, sends chills over Yamada’s back. He hasn’t believed that it would be so fulfilling to hear praise from someone he likes that much. Yuya might not be the one with the most eloquent speech but what he tells Yamada will most likely always come from the heart. That’s something Yamada for sure can learn to cherish, he knows that he can.
“Well, I can cook for you whenever I am free, which isn’t quite often to be honest,” he suggests.
Yuya smiles one of those happy, crooked smiles that Yamada loves so much. “Boy, am I lucky,” he chuckles. “Are you also that talented in bed?”
So cheesy. It’s so freaking cliché that Yamada would have dropped on the floor curling in laughter if Yuya hadn’t wrapped his arms around his waist. The best way to answer such a sappy pick-up line would probably be with something equally clichéd:
“Why don’t you give it a try and see?”
