Family Matters: Chapter 14
Mar. 27th, 2016 01:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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yume_to_ameTitle: Family matters ~ Chapter 14
Pairing: Jun, Masaki, Sho, Satoshi, Kazu (there are going to be additional side-characters though. No OCs.) I'm trying to give each of the five their well-deserves spot-light <3
Rating: PG
Multi-chapter
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lover_youshould
Genre: family!AU in which Arashi are brothers :-) slice of life, a little drama (and I'm trying to add some light-hearted, funny moments to it too)
Summary: Since they were little they were always close to each other. And when unfortunate events force them to live together without their parents, it's only natural that they try to make the best out of it.
In this fateful night a few years ago they were on the way to meet up with other family members. Their parents however were cursed with a good heart as it seems, because they stopped the car to help a man, obviously hurt, sitting at the edge of the street. It was a scam, a trick. It’s still something neither Kazu nor Jun can quite grasp: The fact that they got abducted. When their parents’ car crashed against a tree during that night, both Kazu and Jun were in the car, miraculously surviving.
Jun spent four months in the hospital and three more for rehabilitation. For Kazu it was five months of hospital and five for rehabilitation. Thinking back now, everything around them was dimmed, like a fog surrounding them.
They both didn’t talk about it much. They still don’t. Especially not with the three older brothers, but at least sometimes a bit with each other, when the nightmares are getting too real again.
Jun once explained – almost at the end of their hospital stay – how he woke up from coma and only remembered the last moments before the crash. Kazu was surprised at that revelation; he always thought that Jun could remember it all, just like he did. The pictures in Kazu’s mind were pretty clear; it didn’t come as a surprise to him to hear what happened.
“How did you find out what happened?” he asked back then.
“They didn’t tell me at first. I woke up, asking for our mother. I was surprised to only see Masaki. I’m not sure if I remember correctly but I think he cried when I asked.”
“And?”
“They told me a week later, when my health was more stable.” Sho was the one who took this difficult task apparently. “They always send Sho for the dirty work,” Jun said back then, and it sounded angry, bitter and slightly disappointed. Kazu knew that he felt sorry for Sho for always being the one who had to do what no one else wanted to do and mad at the others for not being strong enough.
He und Jun, they were both so different, always had been, but it got even clearer when they were healing and trying to get over everything. Sometimes, they both wonder if they would be that close as brothers if it wasn’t for this accident.
When they came back home, everything was different. They didn’t quite understand it before, they didn’t grasp it, most likely they only realized it when they were home again. No parents around, a smaller and cheaper but also a more comfortable house in a different, calmer area, in their old hometown where they grew up in – far away from loud and busy Tokyo – Sho who changed his main subject at university and was already working for a top-notch law firm like their father did before, Masaki already going to work, not finishing his studies, same as Satoshi. It was like reality had hit them all of a sudden.
Even today they both handle their trauma differently. Jun doesn’t drive with the car much. He rather takes the subway, his bicycle or he walks. He had a nervous breakdown once, two years ago, when Masaki drove them all for a trip to the sea. Kazu on the other hand loves everything that’s fast. He is almost addicted to speed and the danger that surrounds it.
~~~
Kazu’s eyelids feel heavy, like there is a weight pulling them down. When he tries to blink a bit, his whole body seems to hurt. He moans in pain.
“Kazu? Finally!”
Sounds like Jun.
Jun? Why is he here in his room?
He can feel Jun’s head on his chest, and his hair tickling his face. And then there is a warm hand holding his arm. Someone brushes through his hair.
“Where am I?” Kazu mumbles, forcing his eyes to open a bit. He is lying in a white room, definitely not his. Everything is white, the walls, the curtains, the sheets. His eyes hurt like the sun is dazzling him. He knows this place, he never wanted to be here again. “Why am I here-” His eyes adapt to his surroundings, he sees clearer now. Jun is sitting right next to him. “- in the hospital?”
Jun sighs deeply, resting his forehead against Kazu’s hand. “Fuck it, Kazu. I swear I’m never going to forgive you for that nightmare,” he says. It sounds honest, but Kazu is pretty sure that Jun will forgive him nevertheless. Kazu is just not too sure if he can forgive himself for that look in his brother’s eyes and for the things he might have relived by watching over Kazu here, and for all the things Kazu has done to himself.
“I’m sorry, Jun,” he says. His lips hurt, his whole face does whenever he wants to talk. “I can’t remember properly. I just know that I wanted to meet the gang and tell them that I’m going to leave.”
“Why didn’t you say anything beforehand!? Karina-san and Ryo-kun said that you promised them to ask for help. They trusted you! I trusted you too!” Jun says with reproach. “Didn’t you know how dangerous that is? Every kid knows that.”
“I didn’t want to involve you any more than I already did. It was horrible to pull you into my mess too. I thought I could handle it alone. I-“ Kazu sighs slightly. It’s hard to explain, he thinks. It’s even harder now when everything is so clear in front of him. “-thought they were friends.” He pauses. “How bad did they beat me up?”
“You might not want to look into the mirror for the next month,” Jun says, not his usual diplomatic self. “However, you might be lucky with that because it definitely stopped Satoshi from beating you up.” He grins a bit. “I just don’t get it. Why do I get slapped for spreading a rumour and you on the other hand do things that are a lot worse and get away with it?”
“I don’t really believe that I’m getting away. I’m a hundred percent certain that they won’t let me.” Kazu smiles sadly. “As for the hitting part… Let me get better and then you can just pay me back. I officially allow you to hit me then.”
“Nah.” Jun shakes his head, smiling slightly. “I guess I’m just not the type for that.”
The door opens slightly and Masaki sneaks in. “KAZU!” He basically drops everything he carries – just the glass of water he puts on the table carefully – before he stumbles forward, almost tripping over some books lying on the floor. Then he is at his side too, fingers wrapped around his hand tightly. “My dear-“ he looks so relieved and exhausted at the same time that Kazu feels guilty immediately again. “Welcome back! I’m so happy. It’s… I… so glad…”
“Masaki closed his shop for this week,” Jun explains when Masaki sits down at the other side of the bed and angles for Kazu’s free hand once more. “I think he isn’t going on his date with my Italian teacher either,” he adds. He can be a sarcastic and sadistic prick sometimes, Kazu thinks not without amusement. Masaki’s eyes widen at that revelation, his cheeks flushed first before he grows pale.
“I-“ Masaki stands up all of a sudden, looking so flustered that Kazu almost feels sorry for him. He is pretty sure that he didn’t know how well aware Jun was of everything. “You should eat something Kazu,” he says probably to diffuse the whole talk.
“What else?” Kazu asks. “Lay it all on me, Jun. Remember when you said how bad it was to wake up and not know anything. And just get to know everything later? Spare me that and tell me the truth immediately.”
Jun nods. He is probably the only one who understands while Masaki throws him a surprised glance. “The police were involved. You can rest assured, it wasn’t a huge fuss. Well, it was big enough of course. We all spent hours awake for the police protocol and then waiting here in the hospital. Once you were stable again, Sho had to hurry to work. There is quite a huge penalty fee we have to pay for the police operation and the laws you have broken. But Sho was able to manage it all. So please don’t do anything illegal while you are still a minor. There are no charges pressed against you, because of your age and your history, but they keep you under surveillance. It’s like a suspended sentence.”
Kazu nods a bit. He tries to sit up and move into a more comfortable position. “Shit,” he says. “I can’t believe it went that far and Sho even had to use his connections. And pay. I promise, I’ll be a nice and good kid from now on. That’s the least I can do.” He pauses. “What else?”
“I think you are grounded for life. At least these were Satoshi’s words once he was relieved that you are all stable and will recover,” Jun explains dryly. Kazu has to chuckle at that, accompanied by a stinging pain in his sides.
“Not long enough,” Masaki teases when he opens the window a bit to let the warm wind brush through the room. It smells like spring.
“Oh, and before I forget-“ Jun pauses and looks at him insistently. “Next time you feel in need of an adrenaline rush, promise to tell me and don’t join a speed gang. We can ride the rollercoaster then.”
Kazu smiles affectionately and squeezes Jun’s hand a bit. “I promise.”
~~~
Jun wants to stay overnight. They basically have to drag him out of his room, because Kazu needs to rest too and there are official open hours of the hospital. After a while Matsuda-sensei chuckles and goes for a compromise. “At night your brother has to rest, Jun-kun. There are other patients here too, don’t forget that. But I’ll tell you something, why don’t you come here right after school? You can do your homework here and be company for your brother. We’ll make an exception for you. What do you say?”
Jun sighs and looks at Kazu for a while, then he nods. “Fine,” he says. “But if you are lonely, Kazu-chan, call me and I’ll be there.”
Kazu nods and smiles nervously. He hates hospitals, just as much as Jun hates them, and he is pretty sure that Jun has realized his discomfort. But then, Matsuda is right, there are other patients here too and Jun can’t stay at his side day and night and hold his hand, like Kazu is a little baby. Like Kazu needs his brother here with him all the time, to talk to him, cheer him up with his warming smile, to encourage him.
He should be stronger than that. Unfortunately he isn’t. As the night approaches and the hours get darker and darker, he feels the empty feeling of loneliness and fear spreading. What the hell is he going to do now? Without his friends. With every part of his life just lying there in front of him, broken into a million shards. With his brothers knowing everything he has tried to hide for almost a year and wanted to solve on his own.
It’s like it’s all in front of him now. The pieces of his fucked up life, and he doesn’t know how to mend them again. It’s easier when Jun is around, because he is the only one that manages to give him this feeling of safety. He doesn’t judge. And in the current situation it’s exactly what Kazu needs.
“You are not sleeping?”
Kazu blinks in surprise, turning his head towards the door. Matsuda-sensei apparently just came for his midnight check-up to see if his patients are asleep and well. “No, I can’t.”
“Are you in pain?” Matsuda-sensei switches on the light and comes closer, checking on Kazu’s IV. “Are the painkillers not working?”
“It’s not the pain,” Kazu mumbles tiredly. “The pain is not the problem.”
“So,” Matsuda pulls a chair closer to Kazu’s bed so that he can sit down. “What is it then?”
Kazu blinks. “Are you seriously going to hold one of your mental recovery sessions now?”
“You are one of my patients,” Matsuda explains calmly. “It just so happens that I’m a psychiatrist too, and in charge of my patients’ mental recovery.”
“Awesome,” Kazu grumbles. “So they are sending me to a psychiatrist again.”
“It’s not them,” Matsuda explains. “But rather the incidents surrounding you being here. An order from the police you can say. They, as in your brothers, are going to send your younger brother to me though.”
“Jun will be furious,” Kazu mumbles.
“Probably. Though he is doing well, as it seems. He is not a problem. He just needs to control his panic attacks when driving, that’s all.”
“So, I’m the problem?” Kazu asks bluntly.
“Why don’t you tell me?”
That’s exactly why he hates those psychological sessions. All those weird suggestive questions, without giving an answer. Ugh. “I never knew how to answer your questions.”
“I know,” Matsuda laughs in this charming way that made Kazu like him immediately three years ago, even though hating the rehab. “But then, you always tend to answer. You know Kazunari-kun, to be honest…”
“Yes?”
“I hoped I would never see you in such a position again.” Matsuda sighs sadly. “When they called for me to do the check-up in the intensive care my heart almost dropped.”
Finally someone is voicing an honest sentiment. Kazu is almost relieved to hear something like that. “Yeah, guess I’m an idiot.”
Matsuda chuckles. “That I didn’t say.”
“Well then, how about: Guess I messed up.”
“Hm.” Matsuda smiles. “That comes closer to what I wanted to say. But still, you sound so dramatic.”
“I’m 17,” Kazu jokes lamely. “Everything is dramatic.”
“My son would probably say the same,” Matsuda admits casually and takes a bag with dried fruit out of his bag. He offers some to Kazu before he eats some himself. “Still, you were lucky. No one else got hurt, and you managed to get out too. I admit though you could have stayed away from a gang to begin with.”
Kazu chews on a strawberry. “I know that now. But a few months ago it was just cool and exciting and I didn’t think further. And then suddenly I was in it and couldn’t get out anymore.” He swallows, and the muscles he uses for that simple move – namely eating – tense up and the pain is so real that it takes his breath away.
“Slow down, my boy.” Matsuda helps him sit up a bit. “Don’t forget that you were hurt badly.”
“Like I could forget that,” Kazu grumbles.
Matsuda chuckles. “That’s why I always liked dealing with you and your brother. You at least always gave me some answers to work with.”
“You are saying that now,” Kazu sighs when the pain subsides. “Wait when I need to visit you regularly.”
Matsuda just smiles. He sits next to Kazu for a longer while, just talking with him about random things, about his son and his family, and that he bought a new boat last week. And Kazu keeps telling him about his brothers, especially Jun – like Matsuda wouldn’t know that… - because it’s easier to talk about him. Mentioning the others’ name and the disappointment they must feel now is a bit too much for him to handle now.
At one point he falls asleep, dozing off into a dreamless sleep.
~~~
The first people he sees the next morning are Masaki, Sho and Satoshi, gladly all three of them at once and not alone. Masaki’s rays of sunshine that he spreads just by being here help quite a bit so that Kazu doesn’t feel a hundred percent awkward and bad for seeing his older brothers. Instead it’s only 60 percent awkwardness. Apparently Masaki’s sunshine works on Sho too, because he loosens up after a while, and even helps Kazu eat his breakfast.
He even cracks a joke. “We were only allowed to bring you the most necessary things,” he explains, twinkling a bit. “Jun brings the rest after school. He apparently doesn’t trust in our judgement to bring the right clothes.”
“Well, considering your weird stunt from today, I can’t blame him,” Masaki snickers.
“Hey!? How the hell am I supposed to know what kind of colour magenta is?”
Kazu smiles carefully. This here feels so natural, like nothing happened… like it’s just a normal day at home. It’s unbelievable. But then he notices the dark circles around Sho’s eyes, a clear sign of heavy overwork and worry, and the way Satoshi hardly says anything at all, just having that intimidating look in his eyes. It’s like a call of reality. It doesn’t help much that Masaki seems to act whole-heartedly normal, and obviously tries to look at the bright side of things (whatever these things are). He is also the only one looking him in the eye directly.
Kazu is almost relieved when they all have to head to work, and he has to prepare for the several check-ups and rehabs, and the annoying nurse that’s forcing him to eat, and the even more annoying Matsuda-sensei who is forcing him to do some exercises in bed, even though he can hardly move, before he sits next to him right before lunch, and they talk again. This time it’s more serious though, and it just pulls all of Kazu’s strings at once. It’s then that Kazu realizes that this will probably get really difficult and drain all his strength from him. Matsuda hands him an emergency beeper – when he feels drained or crushed he should call him for a talk.
After lunch – some horribly mashed vegetables with rice and some undefinable meat – Kazu feels like he is in his worst mood ever. Then however there is a knock at the door that raises his hope immediately.
“Jun?” he asks carefully, almost afraid that it’s going to be Sho or one of the others again.
But it really is Jun and with him there are Karina and Ryo. The moment Jun is next to him, it feels like fresh air, like he can finally breathe again.
Karina brings flowers. “Yellow sunflowers,” she exclaims happily. “They are supposed to light up your room a bit.”
“Yeah, hospitals are so depressing.” Ryo grimaces and twinkles towards Kazu, when he opens his bag. “Cake and cookies,” he grins. “Jun-san and I went shopping before we came here.”
“Bless you!” Kazu sighs happily and tries to sit up a bit. When he thinks of the horrible hospital food, he feels almost sick. When he looks at Jun, Jun chuckles, placing his finger on his lips, signalling him that he has brought plenty of things along… for later when they are alone.
Karina doesn’t seem to mind though that they are bending the rules of the hospital slightly. She hums a song, while she puts the flowers into a vase. “Wow.” Kazu looks at her in amazement. “You are in a good mood.”
“I’m just happy that you are healthy and safe,” she explains.
Kazu grins. “Yeah, and?”
Next to him Ryo chuckles. “I knew you wouldn’t buy it. To be honest, I think she likes one of your brothers!”
“For real!?” Jun breaths out before Karina can even jump into Ryo’s face. “But Masaki already has a girlfriend.”
“Maybe it’s one of the others?” Ryo suggests.
Jun tilts his head, grimacing slightly. Apparently the thought of Satoshi or Sho having sex with someone he knows is quite off-putting. Kazu can highly sympathize with that.
“Talking about stupid brothers…” Jun frowns deeply as he starts unpacking the bag he brought along for Kazu. “Did you know that Sho doesn’t know the difference between magenta and normal red?”
“Unbelievable,” Kazu mumbles, voice dripping with sarcasm. When Jun throws him a disapproving glance, he just shrugs helplessly. “Come one, J. How the hell should I know what magenta is?”
With deft fingers Jun pulls out a shirt in what seems to be so-said colour. Kazu isn’t sure if he likes it or not. “This is magenta.”
“Ah,” Kazu blinks. “Looks like pink.”
Jun looks at him like he is pitying him and annoyed at him at him at the same time. Kazu turns his head towards Ryo. “Did you know which colour magenta is?”
Ryo nods. “Yeah.”
“How!?”
His friend just chuckles though. “I’ve been to school regularly, you know? We learn stuff like that there.”
It’s almost relieving to hear someone actually make a joke about it, so relieving that Kazu has to smile too, and Ryo looks almost happy when we realizes that he just squeezed a grin out of Kazu.
It’s later that afternoon when Karina and Ryo leave, and it’s only Jun. It’s calmer now, because Jun needs to do his work for school while Kazu checks what he brought along in his second bag. There are tons of card games and comics, junk food and chocolate. His phone – thank you! – his mp3 player, a book that is obviously for school – and Jun apparently wants him to read it. And-
“You brought my Chucky doll?” Kazu looks up from the bag in surprise when he finds the old doll he played with when he was five. He frowns when he sees Jun’s grin “And my old plush teddy bear!?”
“In case you want to cry at night. Someone you can share all your secrets with~” Jun teases right at the moment Matsuda-sensei comes into the room, blinking when Kazu throws the teddy bear right into Jun’s direction.
“Sorry, Matsuda-sensei,” Kazu exclaims and points at Jun who just grins. “This person wants to leave now. Could you accompany him out of the room please?”
Matsuda only chuckles, and Jun goes back to his literature assignment. Kazu throws the Chucky doll at him too, before both of them burst into little giggles.
Matsuda smiles. “As I see you are doing well. I’ll come back later then.”
He does well, Kazu thinks, because Jun’s caring and his unshakable love for him are like a shield against everything that bothers him and that might hurt him. Once Jun is finished with his work, they play a stupid card game together, which Kazu makes up on a whim. And Jun tells him about what happened in school, how he gets along pretty well with Shota though he is not a hundred percent happy with that and doesn’t want to tell him that he knows his father. How Mao seems to draw his interest at the moment, how Shun apparently found himself a girlfriend or an almost-girlfriend through a match-making party of his parents, and Toma started dating some sort of hot senpai.
It’s light-hearted gossip, and Jun doesn’t touch any sensitive things surrounding their brothers. He is probably saving them for the times when Kazu feels a bit calmer and not too worried.
Jun is like his personal shield, like he brings along fresh air – his mere presence already raising his mood. It only helps as long as he is there though. At one point he has to go back home of course. And once he does, it’s all silent and depressing again. Kazu is back to brooding over his problems immediately, not able to chase any shadows away that linger around him.
A/N: Finally a glimpse in the past! I'll pick that topic up once more in a later chapter, but for now it's finally revealed what happened.
I think Kazu might have quite a hard time now... he is not in a good mental place right now. Well, at least he has Jun <3
What do you think?
Pairing: Jun, Masaki, Sho, Satoshi, Kazu (there are going to be additional side-characters though. No OCs.) I'm trying to give each of the five their well-deserves spot-light <3
Rating: PG
Multi-chapter
Beta:
lover_youshouldGenre: family!AU in which Arashi are brothers :-) slice of life, a little drama (and I'm trying to add some light-hearted, funny moments to it too)
Summary: Since they were little they were always close to each other. And when unfortunate events force them to live together without their parents, it's only natural that they try to make the best out of it.
In this fateful night a few years ago they were on the way to meet up with other family members. Their parents however were cursed with a good heart as it seems, because they stopped the car to help a man, obviously hurt, sitting at the edge of the street. It was a scam, a trick. It’s still something neither Kazu nor Jun can quite grasp: The fact that they got abducted. When their parents’ car crashed against a tree during that night, both Kazu and Jun were in the car, miraculously surviving.
Jun spent four months in the hospital and three more for rehabilitation. For Kazu it was five months of hospital and five for rehabilitation. Thinking back now, everything around them was dimmed, like a fog surrounding them.
They both didn’t talk about it much. They still don’t. Especially not with the three older brothers, but at least sometimes a bit with each other, when the nightmares are getting too real again.
Jun once explained – almost at the end of their hospital stay – how he woke up from coma and only remembered the last moments before the crash. Kazu was surprised at that revelation; he always thought that Jun could remember it all, just like he did. The pictures in Kazu’s mind were pretty clear; it didn’t come as a surprise to him to hear what happened.
“How did you find out what happened?” he asked back then.
“They didn’t tell me at first. I woke up, asking for our mother. I was surprised to only see Masaki. I’m not sure if I remember correctly but I think he cried when I asked.”
“And?”
“They told me a week later, when my health was more stable.” Sho was the one who took this difficult task apparently. “They always send Sho for the dirty work,” Jun said back then, and it sounded angry, bitter and slightly disappointed. Kazu knew that he felt sorry for Sho for always being the one who had to do what no one else wanted to do and mad at the others for not being strong enough.
He und Jun, they were both so different, always had been, but it got even clearer when they were healing and trying to get over everything. Sometimes, they both wonder if they would be that close as brothers if it wasn’t for this accident.
When they came back home, everything was different. They didn’t quite understand it before, they didn’t grasp it, most likely they only realized it when they were home again. No parents around, a smaller and cheaper but also a more comfortable house in a different, calmer area, in their old hometown where they grew up in – far away from loud and busy Tokyo – Sho who changed his main subject at university and was already working for a top-notch law firm like their father did before, Masaki already going to work, not finishing his studies, same as Satoshi. It was like reality had hit them all of a sudden.
Even today they both handle their trauma differently. Jun doesn’t drive with the car much. He rather takes the subway, his bicycle or he walks. He had a nervous breakdown once, two years ago, when Masaki drove them all for a trip to the sea. Kazu on the other hand loves everything that’s fast. He is almost addicted to speed and the danger that surrounds it.
~~~
Kazu’s eyelids feel heavy, like there is a weight pulling them down. When he tries to blink a bit, his whole body seems to hurt. He moans in pain.
“Kazu? Finally!”
Sounds like Jun.
Jun? Why is he here in his room?
He can feel Jun’s head on his chest, and his hair tickling his face. And then there is a warm hand holding his arm. Someone brushes through his hair.
“Where am I?” Kazu mumbles, forcing his eyes to open a bit. He is lying in a white room, definitely not his. Everything is white, the walls, the curtains, the sheets. His eyes hurt like the sun is dazzling him. He knows this place, he never wanted to be here again. “Why am I here-” His eyes adapt to his surroundings, he sees clearer now. Jun is sitting right next to him. “- in the hospital?”
Jun sighs deeply, resting his forehead against Kazu’s hand. “Fuck it, Kazu. I swear I’m never going to forgive you for that nightmare,” he says. It sounds honest, but Kazu is pretty sure that Jun will forgive him nevertheless. Kazu is just not too sure if he can forgive himself for that look in his brother’s eyes and for the things he might have relived by watching over Kazu here, and for all the things Kazu has done to himself.
“I’m sorry, Jun,” he says. His lips hurt, his whole face does whenever he wants to talk. “I can’t remember properly. I just know that I wanted to meet the gang and tell them that I’m going to leave.”
“Why didn’t you say anything beforehand!? Karina-san and Ryo-kun said that you promised them to ask for help. They trusted you! I trusted you too!” Jun says with reproach. “Didn’t you know how dangerous that is? Every kid knows that.”
“I didn’t want to involve you any more than I already did. It was horrible to pull you into my mess too. I thought I could handle it alone. I-“ Kazu sighs slightly. It’s hard to explain, he thinks. It’s even harder now when everything is so clear in front of him. “-thought they were friends.” He pauses. “How bad did they beat me up?”
“You might not want to look into the mirror for the next month,” Jun says, not his usual diplomatic self. “However, you might be lucky with that because it definitely stopped Satoshi from beating you up.” He grins a bit. “I just don’t get it. Why do I get slapped for spreading a rumour and you on the other hand do things that are a lot worse and get away with it?”
“I don’t really believe that I’m getting away. I’m a hundred percent certain that they won’t let me.” Kazu smiles sadly. “As for the hitting part… Let me get better and then you can just pay me back. I officially allow you to hit me then.”
“Nah.” Jun shakes his head, smiling slightly. “I guess I’m just not the type for that.”
The door opens slightly and Masaki sneaks in. “KAZU!” He basically drops everything he carries – just the glass of water he puts on the table carefully – before he stumbles forward, almost tripping over some books lying on the floor. Then he is at his side too, fingers wrapped around his hand tightly. “My dear-“ he looks so relieved and exhausted at the same time that Kazu feels guilty immediately again. “Welcome back! I’m so happy. It’s… I… so glad…”
“Masaki closed his shop for this week,” Jun explains when Masaki sits down at the other side of the bed and angles for Kazu’s free hand once more. “I think he isn’t going on his date with my Italian teacher either,” he adds. He can be a sarcastic and sadistic prick sometimes, Kazu thinks not without amusement. Masaki’s eyes widen at that revelation, his cheeks flushed first before he grows pale.
“I-“ Masaki stands up all of a sudden, looking so flustered that Kazu almost feels sorry for him. He is pretty sure that he didn’t know how well aware Jun was of everything. “You should eat something Kazu,” he says probably to diffuse the whole talk.
“What else?” Kazu asks. “Lay it all on me, Jun. Remember when you said how bad it was to wake up and not know anything. And just get to know everything later? Spare me that and tell me the truth immediately.”
Jun nods. He is probably the only one who understands while Masaki throws him a surprised glance. “The police were involved. You can rest assured, it wasn’t a huge fuss. Well, it was big enough of course. We all spent hours awake for the police protocol and then waiting here in the hospital. Once you were stable again, Sho had to hurry to work. There is quite a huge penalty fee we have to pay for the police operation and the laws you have broken. But Sho was able to manage it all. So please don’t do anything illegal while you are still a minor. There are no charges pressed against you, because of your age and your history, but they keep you under surveillance. It’s like a suspended sentence.”
Kazu nods a bit. He tries to sit up and move into a more comfortable position. “Shit,” he says. “I can’t believe it went that far and Sho even had to use his connections. And pay. I promise, I’ll be a nice and good kid from now on. That’s the least I can do.” He pauses. “What else?”
“I think you are grounded for life. At least these were Satoshi’s words once he was relieved that you are all stable and will recover,” Jun explains dryly. Kazu has to chuckle at that, accompanied by a stinging pain in his sides.
“Not long enough,” Masaki teases when he opens the window a bit to let the warm wind brush through the room. It smells like spring.
“Oh, and before I forget-“ Jun pauses and looks at him insistently. “Next time you feel in need of an adrenaline rush, promise to tell me and don’t join a speed gang. We can ride the rollercoaster then.”
Kazu smiles affectionately and squeezes Jun’s hand a bit. “I promise.”
~~~
Jun wants to stay overnight. They basically have to drag him out of his room, because Kazu needs to rest too and there are official open hours of the hospital. After a while Matsuda-sensei chuckles and goes for a compromise. “At night your brother has to rest, Jun-kun. There are other patients here too, don’t forget that. But I’ll tell you something, why don’t you come here right after school? You can do your homework here and be company for your brother. We’ll make an exception for you. What do you say?”
Jun sighs and looks at Kazu for a while, then he nods. “Fine,” he says. “But if you are lonely, Kazu-chan, call me and I’ll be there.”
Kazu nods and smiles nervously. He hates hospitals, just as much as Jun hates them, and he is pretty sure that Jun has realized his discomfort. But then, Matsuda is right, there are other patients here too and Jun can’t stay at his side day and night and hold his hand, like Kazu is a little baby. Like Kazu needs his brother here with him all the time, to talk to him, cheer him up with his warming smile, to encourage him.
He should be stronger than that. Unfortunately he isn’t. As the night approaches and the hours get darker and darker, he feels the empty feeling of loneliness and fear spreading. What the hell is he going to do now? Without his friends. With every part of his life just lying there in front of him, broken into a million shards. With his brothers knowing everything he has tried to hide for almost a year and wanted to solve on his own.
It’s like it’s all in front of him now. The pieces of his fucked up life, and he doesn’t know how to mend them again. It’s easier when Jun is around, because he is the only one that manages to give him this feeling of safety. He doesn’t judge. And in the current situation it’s exactly what Kazu needs.
“You are not sleeping?”
Kazu blinks in surprise, turning his head towards the door. Matsuda-sensei apparently just came for his midnight check-up to see if his patients are asleep and well. “No, I can’t.”
“Are you in pain?” Matsuda-sensei switches on the light and comes closer, checking on Kazu’s IV. “Are the painkillers not working?”
“It’s not the pain,” Kazu mumbles tiredly. “The pain is not the problem.”
“So,” Matsuda pulls a chair closer to Kazu’s bed so that he can sit down. “What is it then?”
Kazu blinks. “Are you seriously going to hold one of your mental recovery sessions now?”
“You are one of my patients,” Matsuda explains calmly. “It just so happens that I’m a psychiatrist too, and in charge of my patients’ mental recovery.”
“Awesome,” Kazu grumbles. “So they are sending me to a psychiatrist again.”
“It’s not them,” Matsuda explains. “But rather the incidents surrounding you being here. An order from the police you can say. They, as in your brothers, are going to send your younger brother to me though.”
“Jun will be furious,” Kazu mumbles.
“Probably. Though he is doing well, as it seems. He is not a problem. He just needs to control his panic attacks when driving, that’s all.”
“So, I’m the problem?” Kazu asks bluntly.
“Why don’t you tell me?”
That’s exactly why he hates those psychological sessions. All those weird suggestive questions, without giving an answer. Ugh. “I never knew how to answer your questions.”
“I know,” Matsuda laughs in this charming way that made Kazu like him immediately three years ago, even though hating the rehab. “But then, you always tend to answer. You know Kazunari-kun, to be honest…”
“Yes?”
“I hoped I would never see you in such a position again.” Matsuda sighs sadly. “When they called for me to do the check-up in the intensive care my heart almost dropped.”
Finally someone is voicing an honest sentiment. Kazu is almost relieved to hear something like that. “Yeah, guess I’m an idiot.”
Matsuda chuckles. “That I didn’t say.”
“Well then, how about: Guess I messed up.”
“Hm.” Matsuda smiles. “That comes closer to what I wanted to say. But still, you sound so dramatic.”
“I’m 17,” Kazu jokes lamely. “Everything is dramatic.”
“My son would probably say the same,” Matsuda admits casually and takes a bag with dried fruit out of his bag. He offers some to Kazu before he eats some himself. “Still, you were lucky. No one else got hurt, and you managed to get out too. I admit though you could have stayed away from a gang to begin with.”
Kazu chews on a strawberry. “I know that now. But a few months ago it was just cool and exciting and I didn’t think further. And then suddenly I was in it and couldn’t get out anymore.” He swallows, and the muscles he uses for that simple move – namely eating – tense up and the pain is so real that it takes his breath away.
“Slow down, my boy.” Matsuda helps him sit up a bit. “Don’t forget that you were hurt badly.”
“Like I could forget that,” Kazu grumbles.
Matsuda chuckles. “That’s why I always liked dealing with you and your brother. You at least always gave me some answers to work with.”
“You are saying that now,” Kazu sighs when the pain subsides. “Wait when I need to visit you regularly.”
Matsuda just smiles. He sits next to Kazu for a longer while, just talking with him about random things, about his son and his family, and that he bought a new boat last week. And Kazu keeps telling him about his brothers, especially Jun – like Matsuda wouldn’t know that… - because it’s easier to talk about him. Mentioning the others’ name and the disappointment they must feel now is a bit too much for him to handle now.
At one point he falls asleep, dozing off into a dreamless sleep.
~~~
The first people he sees the next morning are Masaki, Sho and Satoshi, gladly all three of them at once and not alone. Masaki’s rays of sunshine that he spreads just by being here help quite a bit so that Kazu doesn’t feel a hundred percent awkward and bad for seeing his older brothers. Instead it’s only 60 percent awkwardness. Apparently Masaki’s sunshine works on Sho too, because he loosens up after a while, and even helps Kazu eat his breakfast.
He even cracks a joke. “We were only allowed to bring you the most necessary things,” he explains, twinkling a bit. “Jun brings the rest after school. He apparently doesn’t trust in our judgement to bring the right clothes.”
“Well, considering your weird stunt from today, I can’t blame him,” Masaki snickers.
“Hey!? How the hell am I supposed to know what kind of colour magenta is?”
Kazu smiles carefully. This here feels so natural, like nothing happened… like it’s just a normal day at home. It’s unbelievable. But then he notices the dark circles around Sho’s eyes, a clear sign of heavy overwork and worry, and the way Satoshi hardly says anything at all, just having that intimidating look in his eyes. It’s like a call of reality. It doesn’t help much that Masaki seems to act whole-heartedly normal, and obviously tries to look at the bright side of things (whatever these things are). He is also the only one looking him in the eye directly.
Kazu is almost relieved when they all have to head to work, and he has to prepare for the several check-ups and rehabs, and the annoying nurse that’s forcing him to eat, and the even more annoying Matsuda-sensei who is forcing him to do some exercises in bed, even though he can hardly move, before he sits next to him right before lunch, and they talk again. This time it’s more serious though, and it just pulls all of Kazu’s strings at once. It’s then that Kazu realizes that this will probably get really difficult and drain all his strength from him. Matsuda hands him an emergency beeper – when he feels drained or crushed he should call him for a talk.
After lunch – some horribly mashed vegetables with rice and some undefinable meat – Kazu feels like he is in his worst mood ever. Then however there is a knock at the door that raises his hope immediately.
“Jun?” he asks carefully, almost afraid that it’s going to be Sho or one of the others again.
But it really is Jun and with him there are Karina and Ryo. The moment Jun is next to him, it feels like fresh air, like he can finally breathe again.
Karina brings flowers. “Yellow sunflowers,” she exclaims happily. “They are supposed to light up your room a bit.”
“Yeah, hospitals are so depressing.” Ryo grimaces and twinkles towards Kazu, when he opens his bag. “Cake and cookies,” he grins. “Jun-san and I went shopping before we came here.”
“Bless you!” Kazu sighs happily and tries to sit up a bit. When he thinks of the horrible hospital food, he feels almost sick. When he looks at Jun, Jun chuckles, placing his finger on his lips, signalling him that he has brought plenty of things along… for later when they are alone.
Karina doesn’t seem to mind though that they are bending the rules of the hospital slightly. She hums a song, while she puts the flowers into a vase. “Wow.” Kazu looks at her in amazement. “You are in a good mood.”
“I’m just happy that you are healthy and safe,” she explains.
Kazu grins. “Yeah, and?”
Next to him Ryo chuckles. “I knew you wouldn’t buy it. To be honest, I think she likes one of your brothers!”
“For real!?” Jun breaths out before Karina can even jump into Ryo’s face. “But Masaki already has a girlfriend.”
“Maybe it’s one of the others?” Ryo suggests.
Jun tilts his head, grimacing slightly. Apparently the thought of Satoshi or Sho having sex with someone he knows is quite off-putting. Kazu can highly sympathize with that.
“Talking about stupid brothers…” Jun frowns deeply as he starts unpacking the bag he brought along for Kazu. “Did you know that Sho doesn’t know the difference between magenta and normal red?”
“Unbelievable,” Kazu mumbles, voice dripping with sarcasm. When Jun throws him a disapproving glance, he just shrugs helplessly. “Come one, J. How the hell should I know what magenta is?”
With deft fingers Jun pulls out a shirt in what seems to be so-said colour. Kazu isn’t sure if he likes it or not. “This is magenta.”
“Ah,” Kazu blinks. “Looks like pink.”
Jun looks at him like he is pitying him and annoyed at him at him at the same time. Kazu turns his head towards Ryo. “Did you know which colour magenta is?”
Ryo nods. “Yeah.”
“How!?”
His friend just chuckles though. “I’ve been to school regularly, you know? We learn stuff like that there.”
It’s almost relieving to hear someone actually make a joke about it, so relieving that Kazu has to smile too, and Ryo looks almost happy when we realizes that he just squeezed a grin out of Kazu.
It’s later that afternoon when Karina and Ryo leave, and it’s only Jun. It’s calmer now, because Jun needs to do his work for school while Kazu checks what he brought along in his second bag. There are tons of card games and comics, junk food and chocolate. His phone – thank you! – his mp3 player, a book that is obviously for school – and Jun apparently wants him to read it. And-
“You brought my Chucky doll?” Kazu looks up from the bag in surprise when he finds the old doll he played with when he was five. He frowns when he sees Jun’s grin “And my old plush teddy bear!?”
“In case you want to cry at night. Someone you can share all your secrets with~” Jun teases right at the moment Matsuda-sensei comes into the room, blinking when Kazu throws the teddy bear right into Jun’s direction.
“Sorry, Matsuda-sensei,” Kazu exclaims and points at Jun who just grins. “This person wants to leave now. Could you accompany him out of the room please?”
Matsuda only chuckles, and Jun goes back to his literature assignment. Kazu throws the Chucky doll at him too, before both of them burst into little giggles.
Matsuda smiles. “As I see you are doing well. I’ll come back later then.”
He does well, Kazu thinks, because Jun’s caring and his unshakable love for him are like a shield against everything that bothers him and that might hurt him. Once Jun is finished with his work, they play a stupid card game together, which Kazu makes up on a whim. And Jun tells him about what happened in school, how he gets along pretty well with Shota though he is not a hundred percent happy with that and doesn’t want to tell him that he knows his father. How Mao seems to draw his interest at the moment, how Shun apparently found himself a girlfriend or an almost-girlfriend through a match-making party of his parents, and Toma started dating some sort of hot senpai.
It’s light-hearted gossip, and Jun doesn’t touch any sensitive things surrounding their brothers. He is probably saving them for the times when Kazu feels a bit calmer and not too worried.
Jun is like his personal shield, like he brings along fresh air – his mere presence already raising his mood. It only helps as long as he is there though. At one point he has to go back home of course. And once he does, it’s all silent and depressing again. Kazu is back to brooding over his problems immediately, not able to chase any shadows away that linger around him.
A/N: Finally a glimpse in the past! I'll pick that topic up once more in a later chapter, but for now it's finally revealed what happened.
I think Kazu might have quite a hard time now... he is not in a good mental place right now. Well, at least he has Jun <3
What do you think?
