Family Matters: Chapter 16

[lilly0]

Title: Family matters ~ Chapter 16/22
Pairing: Jun, Masaki, Sho, Satoshi, Kazu (there are going to be additional side-characters though. No OCs.) I'm trying to give each of the five their well-deserves spot-light <3
Rating: PG
Multi-chapter
Beta: lover_youshould
Genre: family!AU in which Arashi are brothers :-) slice of life, a little drama (and I'm trying to add some light-hearted, funny moments to it too)
Summary: Since they were little they were always close to each other. And when unfortunate events force them to live together without their parents, it's only natural that they try to make the best out of it.




Jun doesn’t even know what’s happening right now. His head is spinning from the drama that’s blowing up in his face… right here, right now. He has just come back from a school project he did together with Shota, Shun and Matsuda-sensei, as Nagase told them that each team needed a grown-up professional for their assignment.

Okay, he is back late, and he forgot to call because they were so engulfed in their work, he gets that, but it’s not like it never happened before and like he did it deliberately. This time though when he closes the door of their house behind him both Masaki and Satoshi basically jump into his face.

“Where the hell have you been!?” Satoshi yells.

Masaki joins him. “We were so worried!”

Jun needs a few seconds to recover from that mental surprise blow. He tries to take a deep breath. “I was working for a school project with-“

“Are you telling the truth?” Masaki huffs.

Satoshi nods fiercely. “This is ridiculous. Just tell us where you have been!”

Jun squeezes his eyes in annoyance. He can clearly feel how the anger in his stomach is spreading, turning from a tiny knot into a white wave of fury. “Hey,” he huffs. “Why should I lie to you!?”

“I don’t know,” Satoshi frowns angrily. “You tell us!”

Somewhere far away in his mind Jun can actually sympathize for them and their fierce reaction. He gets where they are coming from, but as he is in the middle of their wrath right now, and it’s unfair and not right, he doesn’t want to have any excuses. “Have you idiots lost it completely?” Jun bites back at his brothers. “How about you take one fucking step back and get out of my face?”

“Jun-“ Satoshi points with his forefinger at Jun, his voice having a warning tone. “Don’t use such a tone when talking to us.”

Jun bites down on his tongue, wondering what fucking other tone he should use in this stupid situation then. Unfortunately he has actually said the last words out loud, and Satoshi squeezes his eyes dangerously. “Okay, I have had it! You remain silent, fine, that’s your problem! For now just go to your room!”

In his mind Jun rolls his eyes, but on the outside he tries to stay indifferent. “What?” he presses out. “Did you lose it now?”

Apparently Satoshi feels a bit too provoked as he slams his hands on the table in front of him – actually in perfect Sho-style. “I don’t want to hear any of that,” he yells. “Just go to your room.”

When Jun eyes Masaki, the latter crosses his arms in front of his body. Seems there is really no chance to win against them for now. “Fine,” Jun huffs, taking his bag and targeting the staircase. He turns around before he goes upstairs, eyes gleaming in anger. “But don’t come to me whining for forgiveness later on! Because I won’t take it then.”

He slams the door of his room closed because he feels like being a bit dramatic, then he drops down on his bed. Way to go. Now that escalated quickly. For a moment Jun lies there, wondering what to do next. He feels hungry, and annoyed, but it’s not like he wants to do anything about either of that right now, because being hungry would lead him downstairs again, and being annoyed… Well, he doesn’t want to get rid of that feeling right now. His heart hammers against his chest like always when he gets too angry or worked up about something. He feels like smashing something then. It subsides quickly though and only the feeling of disappointment remains. When he turns to lie on his stomach, his gaze meets a small box at the corner of his room, right next to his bed. What’s that? He can’t remember anymore when he put it here. As curiosity wins over, he slips a bit closer to the edge of his bed and takes so-said box. It’s a bit dusty, and when he opens it, he suddenly remembers. It’s old souvenirs from his old life, things he originally wanted to throw away to never remember these painful old days things, but apparently a kind soul – probably one of his brothers – kept them for him. There is an old teddy-bear, and quite a few postcards his parents sent to him, a good-luck-charm his mother gave him for his entrance exams, the old I’m-not-afraid-marble his father gave him when he was just in kindergarten and afraid of having to speak on stage for a stage-play.

There is also a tiny pink and blue notebook in between all the stuff. Isn’t that…? Jun blinks, taking the paper notebook and skimming through it a bit. It’s the diary he kept when he was still under therapy with Matsuda-sensei. Reading it now feels weird. It’s been over a year since he took a look at it the last time. It feels strange, and a bit scary. Even now Jun can’t quite grasp the mental place he was at during that time. He wonders if he is fully away from that place now though. But then, the anger he feels is different than during that time, and the nightmares are not always that real. Also it feels like he has more control in his hands right now, despite what happened today with Satoshi and Masaki.

But then, it’s not like he has full control right now. It would be a lie to say that he has full control over his life at the moment. He tilts his head, brushing his lips over the edge of the book thoughtfully. Should he? Maybe? Well, it’s stupid to keep a diary at his age, but he doesn’t need to tell anyone, does he? Hence he takes one of his black pens from his desk, sitting up in his bed and leaning against the wall. He rests the book against his knees and just starts to scribble down whatever comes to his mind. About Kazu, the whole gang incident and the crushing hours at hospital. About Sho and their fight, and how he felt when Sho slapped him, and how Sho changed afterwards. About his other two stupid brothers that were still traumatized by this whole incident with Kazu so that they were almost too tensed, jumping at him for every tiny unnecessary reason.

Jun only stops writing when there is a knock at his door. He frowns slightly.

“Jun, listen… I’m honestly sorry for snapping and yelling at you like that. That was a really low move. Can’t we just talk about it again? Please?” That’s Satoshi. He sounds sincere and a bit depressed. A glance on his watch tells Jun that only an hour passed. Wow, that was fast.

Jun eyes the door for a while, then he decides he has every right to be pissed, annoyed and sulky. It’s childish, he knows that, but he just wants to punish them for now. Hence he stays silent.

After a while Satoshi gives up. Five minutes later there is another knock at his door. “Jun, I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to what you had to say…” This time it’s Masaki. Jun sighs slightly and turns a page in his diary. They have never heard about leaving a person alone for a while, have they? Bothersome idiotic brothers. “I get that you don’t want to talk with us. But at least eat something. Please?”

Jun shakes his head and goes back to his diary. He has to give the props to his two brothers for not giving up though because during the next hour both of them full-heartedly try to lure him out several times. Then however it’s weirdly quiet for whole ten minutes. Are they thinking of a plan or what? When there is someone approaching his door and knocking at it, Jun looks up curiously.

“It’s me.” Sho’s voice can be clearly heard through the closed door. “I have a white flag in my hand, a plate with donburi for you and a glass of whisky for me.” Donburi? Then Masaki really has to have a guilty conscience. Jun bites down on his lips. What is he supposed to do now? “I promise I’m alone,” Sho adds and sounds sincere. “And since I just came home and wasn’t involved, you are fair and not mad at me, right?”

Fine, Jun sighs, cursing Sho’s way to reasoning. However, he puts the book aside and opens the door. “Come in.”

Sho grins a bit. “To imagine that the day would come that you would send the other two away, but let me in? Wow, I must be dreaming.”

Jun blushes slightly. “Are you here to tease me or do you actually really have something to eat?” Sho points at the plate in his hands, waiting until Jun has put his things aside and takes the plate from him. Jun sighs happily. “Thanks! I’m starving.”

“Weird,” Sho says casually. “I have heard that Masaki offered you something to eat over an hour ago.”

“That’s something entirely different,” Jun argues.

“Ah. It is?” Sho sits down at the neon-blue sofa chair in Jun’s room and takes a sip from his whisky. “So, how was your day?”

Jun can’t help a grin. “You are still incredibly bad at small-talk,” he chuckles and takes a spoon-full of his donburi. It tastes so good, making his body flood with warmth. His mood lightens up a bit.

“And you are still such a dramatic tease,” Sho fights right back. Jun chuckles and continues with his food. He is glad that Sho doesn’t say anything for a while, but at one point he puts his whisky aside and eyes Jun thoughtfully. “So, what’s your side of the story?”

“My side of the story?” Jun frowns. “This sounds like there actually are two sides, while in fact there is only one side to it anyway.”

“Please, don’t twist my words and give me credit for asking, Jun,” Sho begs. “And just tell me.”

“Fine,” Jun gives in. “I was at Shota-kun’s place together with Shun. Believe it or not, we had this new biology project going. We worked on it forever, and I forgot to call that I would come home late. Oh, and Matsuda-sensei is our adult supervisor for that project. Nagase-sensei told us that every project needs one – so you can ask him about it too. And you can call Matsuda-sensei and ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

Sho blinks. “These were a lot of defensive strategies now for just a few words.”

“I’m sorry, but today’s happening showed me that I need to keep record and proof of everything I do,” Jun huffs.

Sho raises his hands in defence. “It wasn’t meant as a reprimand, Jun. Really. So please don’t jump in my face now.”

Jun sighs. He is right. “Sorry.”

“So, what happened then?”

“I came home and Satoshi and Masaki basically jumped at me.” Jun taps with his fingers against his plate in exasperation. “They thought I was lying to them by bringing up the school project. Basically they didn’t listen and thought I was… I don’t know… going out, joining a gang or something like that. The last part is just my assumption though.”

“So you are aware of it?” Sho asks in surprise. “That they were thinking of Kazu and what happened with him at that moment.”

“It’s not that difficult to guess,” Jun answers calmly. “It’s pretty obvious to be honest.”

“I’m sorry,” Sho mumbles, making Jun blink.

“Why are you sorry?”

“It’s difficult to explain why,” Sho explains carefully. “But you could say, the fact that you have to bear part of the consequences of something you didn’t do actually ticks me off a bit. Therefor I’m sorry. As older brothers we still have to learn a lot it seems.”

“I know it’s just natural that everyone is worried, but I don’t want to play the scapegoat for everything,” Jun mumbles. “It feels so bad. I didn’t do anything! I didn’t join a gang, or go to party secretly. It’s not fair.” He shakes his head sadly. “It’s not fair,” he repeats.

Sho bites his lips. “I know,” he says softly. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t make anything better by apologizing though. I don’t want an apology. What I want is not to be yelled at all the time for something I didn’t do!”

At that Sho nods carefully. “You are right, but even though you don’t want to hear it -  I am sorry for what’s happening right now. And Sa-chan and Masaki are too. So, how about we just go downstairs and talk to them?”

“No thanks,” Jun says dryly.

“Come on,” Sho grins. “Masaki is already going through a life-crisis down there. Believe me I stumbled into the biggest mess when I came home. He is already baking five cakes now, crying over them. And we three already argued about the whole issue and I was mad at them too. So can’t we just have a talk with them, because I know they are very depressed about everything?”

“Hm.” Jun lets out a sigh. He isn’t quite sure what to do now. His heart is basically ready to follow Sho downstairs and talk it out with the other two, but there is his stupid pride and… “I’m not sure,” he stutters.

“I’ll make Satoshi call Matsuda-sensei,” Sho adds, grinning a bit. “As a bonus.”

Jun chuckles. “You are not playing fair. I really want to see him do that and be super-embarrassed.” He smiles. “Fine. Let’s go.”

He still wonders if it’s the right decision to give in that easily, but once he reaches the living room and Masaki basically throws his knife for the cake frosting aside and accidentally empties a package of flour over Sho’s jacket, eyes gleaming in relief, and Satoshi just hugs him and apologizes a hundred times, it feels right.


~~~


The next weeks aren’t particularly fun, for any of them, Jun has figured that much immediately. Kazu’s body is in bad shape and he needs to visit the hospital regularly, which gets on his nerves. But what bothers Jun much more is the fact that he looks so gloomy and tired most of the time. It’s not how he usually is. The normal snark is missing.

“Hey, brother.” Jun opens the door to Kazu’s room with quite some energy, making Kazu jump a little in surprise.

“Wow, what an entrance,” he chuckles.

Jun smiles and stretches on Kazu’s bed. “So, what’s going on?”

“Are you kidding me?” Kazu snorts. “Nothing. I can still hardly move. And I can hardly do anything. Even if I weren’t be grounded, I couldn’t go out. It sucks!”

“Hm, we could play something,” Jun suggests. “A videogame. Can’t you connect your DS to the TV?”

“I thought about that too, but my 3DS was in my bag when I was beaten up by these idiots. It broke completely.”

“I know.” There is a little sadistic smile on Jun’s lips. A smile he knows Kazu loves to bits, because it means-

“What did you do?” he asks immediately.

Jun puts his index fingers on his lips, smirking, while he angles for something in his bag. It’s a fresh, shiny, new Nintendo 3DS.

“But… how?”

“Well.” Jun tilts his head. “Satoshi and Masaki were on such a guilt trip concerning me. I just had to push the right buttons. Just had to fake a mental breakdown about how I can’t make you happy and I’m not able to do anything for you. And OMG I’m so useless. I can’t even repair that stupid DS of yours because I just can’t do anything right. I’m such a fail. I should just throw myself from the roof deck, just because I’m so dramatic. And I can’t concentrate on my studies at all because of that. Blah. Believe me, it was an Academy Award-winning performance! Sho bought it too. Was easier than I thought. Plus-” He grins and waves with a save card. “I retrieved this here from your broken console. Aren’t I awesome?”

“It’s pink,” Kazu stutters when Jun hands him the console.

“It is.” Jun grins. “Thought a little joke wouldn’t hurt. And it might just always remind you of your brilliant awesome little genius-brother, who is also very stylish if I may add so!”

“Jun-“ Kazu bites down on his lips. They quiver lightly.

Jun feels a little scared now. “Don’t cry now. Don’t dare to! Please”

“J-chan-“

“And don’t call me J-chan!”

Kazu chuckles and jumps him all of a sudden, arms wrapped around him tightly. “You are too good for me,” he says.

“Hm~” Jun pats his head, biting down on his lips nervously. “You should laugh more often, Kazu. Please.”

“Fine, I’ll try.”


~~~


Okay, Jun knows he is bending the promise he gave Kazu in hospital, but technically he has only promised Kazu not to go into direct confrontation with Satoshi. No one said anything about not-so-direct confrontation. He has very much a hundred percent of a valid reason to lead this hidden war, and he is very eager to win it. He was trying to be patient first, giving Sa-chan the time he needed to set things straight with Kazu, but as nothing happens and Kazu gets gloomier and gloomier every day, Jun is ready to take it up with his older brother.

When he comes downstairs to the kitchen to fetch himself something to drink, he is surprised to see all three of the older ones gathered around the kitchen table. Masaki and Sho have an empty bowl of something in front of them, and Satoshi is still eating. Apparently ice-cream.

“I made cherry-stracciatella ice cream,” Masaki explains with a happy smile.

Cherry! Oh my god, he loves cherries. Everything with cherries in them awakes his immediate interest, may it be cherry-pancakes, cherry-jam, cherry-ice-cream, cherry-chocolate, cherries alone, cherry-anything. “Really!?”

“Yeah. Masaki grins. “The rest of it is still in the freezer. I just had a bit left for us to try it, exactly enough to feed us three. You need to wait a bit more. It’s going to be finished soon.”

Jun sighs. Ah, such a pity. But he can’t possibly sulk like a three year old for not getting any ice-cream immediately, especially after Masaki just told him he gets some later when it’s finished.

Satoshi apparently sensed his childish disappointment because he smiles all of a sudden. “Want some of mine? I’m not finished yet,” he offers.

YES! Cherry-ice-cream. But then it’s Satoshi… and no fucking way! “No,” Jun says calmly, all indifferent again after the moment of letting his inner-diva shine when he turned into his old baby-self. I’m not in the mood for you. “I’m not in the mood for ice-cream.” Sho and Masaki exchange a surprised glance. “See you later.”

He can see how Sho opens his mouth to say something. To avoid any further discussion, Jun just throws them a sweet smile and flees the room. Without his beloved cherry ice-cream he might as well go and work on his assignment for history class. It’s boring research in old books anyway, a work he doesn’t quite like, but well, there is no avoiding it.

He is so engulfed in the dusty books he found in their library at the attic the other day that he is surprised when he hears someone knocking at his door. It’s Masaki. A glance on his watch tells him it’s late afternoon already.

“I’m not sure if you want one?” Masaki asks carefully as he walks into the room, a cup with his cherry ice-cream in his hand. “Well, it’s finished now. And I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask you.”

“Why wouldn’t I want some of your creations?” Jun blinks. “Cherry ice-cream on top of that?”

Masaki stares at him like he just has lost his mind. “But back there in the kitchen you said you are not in the mood.”

“Well.” Jun fakes a perfect calming smile. “I am now.”

“Jun.” Masaki frowns while he hands Jun the offered cup and sits down at the edge of his bed. “Is everything alright?”

Jun takes a spoon full of Masaki’s ice-cream, holding back a delighted squeal. This is so good. “Why are you asking?”

“Because when we met you in the kitchen you were so angry,” Masaki explains calmly. “I wondered why.”

“Oh.” Jun licks at his spoon. “This is because I am a teenager. Teenagers have mood swings, you know?”

“I do,” Masaki grins. “But what I don’t know is since when you took over Sho’s perfect way to voice out absolutely weird points, and make them look all valid. Like this makes sense… come on Jun!”

Jun sighs. “It’s really nothing, Masaki. I’m just in a weird mood recently.”

“How come you are all normal with me?” Masaki wants to know. “Or with Sho?”

Jun shrugs. “Coincidence.” It’s supposed to come out as casual as possible but even he himself feels that he just sounded too wary.

Masaki brushes through his hair with both hands. It’s gotten longer again, it suits him. “It’s because of Kazu, am I right? And you are mad at Satoshi.”

“I-“ Jun pauses in surprise. “How, I mean, why… How did you know?”

“Yeah, I’m a genius.” Masaki giggles. “It’s because you hardly talk to Sa-chan, Jun. Oh dear, it’s so obvious that you are angry. You are getting a very dangerous glint in your eyes then. We all realized it already. Even when you are stoic, your feelings shine through, which is nothing bad by the way.”

“Well in that case…“ Jun frowns angrily. “I don’t need to be that subtle anymore.”

“That’s not quite my point,” Masaki intervenes. “I mean… you could be nicer, you know?”

“I am polite enough. It’s not like I’m impolite,” Jun argues.

“But you are so cold towards him!”

Jun shakes his head. “Masaki, I don’t want to be nicer. I promised Kazu not to get into a fight with anyone because of what happened. But I’m not going to be happy and like nothing happened, when I’m really not.”

Masaki whips with his feet for a moment, before he points at the bowl. “Don’t forget to eat your ice-cream,” he says like they didn’t even have that talk just now. Jun takes his change of topic with a sigh of relief, though he has the feeling that it isn’t quite over yet. “What are you doing right now anyway?”

“Boring history class assignment. Something about how jurisdiction developed and changed.” Jun rolls his eyes. The mere thought of this boredom he just gladly left behind as he is almost finished is already making him yawn.

“Why didn’t you ask Sho-chan for help?” Masaki suggests. “I’m sure he knows all about it, and you would have been finished a lot faster.”

“My initial first thought,” Jun grins impishly. “But then I remembered that it most likely would turn into a two hour university lecture, and I wouldn’t even be able to show my absolute unexcitement for it, because Sho would totally scold me then. Why do you ask me for help, if you don’t listen then? It’s disrespectful!”

Masaki’s eyes widen for a moment, before he bursts into tiny giggles. “Sounds accurate,” he chuckles and tousles through Jun’s hair happily. Jun hates that, but he lets Masaki do it, because it’s Masaki. Simple as that. And once in a while he can deal with his over-excitement, especially when he is so understanding and friendly. He is always so whole-heartedly nice to everyone.

“Thank you for being so nice, nii-chan,” Jun says softly. Masaki blushes in obvious happiness as Jun calls him big brother. “It means a lot to me that you were so supportive towards Kazu from the beginning on although you were mad at him. He realized it too, and told me how open and forgiving you were.”

“Jun.” Masaki looks away from his glance, his lips tugging. “I’m getting embarrassed by so much praise. It’s just natural and nothing special. Sometimes I think I’m too naïve for being like that and maybe Sho is right when he says I’m lacking responsibility as an older brother, but-”

“You don’t.” Jun shrugs. “You are perfect the way you are. Why would you want to change that? We don't like you as much as we do only because you are naive. Because really, you are not. You just tend to focus on the brighter and more positive sides – which is exactly what we need sometimes.”

Masaki smiles brightly. “Now you are so serious, Jun. And ten minutes ago you just told me you have mood swings because you are a teenager.” He grins. “You are way too well-spoken.”

“Oh, shut up,” Jun huffs in embarrassment.

Masaki giggles. “That feels more natural now.” Before Jun can retort something, Masaki points at the bowl at his hand. “I’ll give you one more of that, can you bring it to Kazu?”

“Of course.” Jun blinks. “But why don’t you do it yourself?”

“He didn’t take it from me, and I was hoping maybe he would from you. He is extremely gloomy today.” Masaki looks nervous all of a sudden, like he is really worried. “He isn’t eating enough, and he tends to hide somewhere and just stare at the wall. I think you are the only one who could talk to him right now.”


~~~

Gloomy, Masaki said and it basically hits the nail on its head, because when Jun finally finds Kazu in a far-away corner of the attic, hidden between two bookshelves of Sho’s beloved codes and law books, it’s exactly the word that comes in his mind: gloomy.

“Hey favourite brother,” Jun says softly when he approaches him. Kazu shows him something that could be considered as a smile with a bit of interpretation. Jun decides to generously take it as a welcoming smile, and sits down next to him on the soft carpet. It’s thanks to Masaki and Sho that this place is so neat, comfortable and tidy despite being the attic. “Want some ice-cream?”

Kazu looks down at the bowl in Jun’s hands. “Not really,” he says after a while.

“I think you should,” Jun muses, deciding to change strategy. “I think Masaki will get on your nerves otherwise. He said he wouldn’t rest until you eat it.”

Kazu sighs. “Fine,” he says after a while, though he doesn’t seem to be convinced. He probably will only eat a few spoons full of it anyway, but at least he will eat something. He is such an idiot sometimes, Jun thinks with a frown; when he gets stressed out and is depressed he will completely forget about his health.

“Do you want to play a game?” Jun asks, ready to take it up with Kazu. “We could play a card game or on your console?”

“No, not really in the mood.”

“How about taking a walk?” Jun suggests. “I could accompany you! It’s warm outside today.”

“I’m a bit tired,” Kazu explains. “So, not really.”

“By the way, Ryo-kun said he would like to visit you. Don’t you want him to drop by? I could call him.”

Again, Kazu shakes his head much to Jun’s dismay. “I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood for company. Tell him it’s not his fault, okay? I’m going to call him over, when I’m feeling better.”

When he is feeling better? When exactly is that supposed to be anyway? “Kazu-“

“I know, J,” Kazu interrupts him. “I’m sorry for being so difficult to handle,” he says and it sounds a bit irritated.

“I don’t want you to apologize!” Jun huffs, feeling a bit hurt all of a sudden. Like he just came here to make Kazu feel bad. Apparently it’s written all over his face because Kazu wraps his arms around his shoulders suddenly.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Kazu mumbles into his hair. “I’m happy you are here. Don’t go. I’ll eat that weird ice-cream for you, okay?”

Jun smiles warily. Well, at least that’s something.

Later that evening he calls Ryo because he deserves a call for being so worried for Kazu all the time and for asking him about his health and voicing his worry regularly. Ryo doesn’t seem to be surprised though.

“My sister said he would need some time to recover mentally,” he explains calmly. “Though I wish he would like to see me, to be honest.”

“He will,” Jun reassures him carefully. “I don’t know when, but I know he will. At the moment he doesn’t even really want to see me, I think. And he deliberately said, I should apologize to you and tell you it’s not because of you at all.”

Ryo seems to believe him, but when Jun hangs up, he feels bad. He wonders what he should do now? He already talked to Masaki but Masaki seems to be as helpless as he is. This would normally be something he would discuss with Satoshi, but even if he hadn’t been on his non-talking spree with Satoshi, it would still be no real option considering recent happenings. Jun sighs, apparently he has to go for a drastic decision.


~~~

His so-said drastic decision leads him to the management and business centre the next day after school. It’s a short school day and he is free at around lunch, perfect timing. He has never been here though, hence he feels a bit out of place and nervous when he walks into the huge, fancy building with the many windows and the modern architecture.

The secretary at the reception eyes him suspiciously. “Can I help you?” she asks, rather polite but obviously thinking he has lost his way or just wants to go to the toilet. It’s obvious that he is a student after all.

“I’m looking for my brother,” Jun stutters, feeling unusually self-conscious in this surrounding.

She blinks. “Your brother? Is he working here?”

Jun nods, finally she seems to take him a bit serious. “It’s Sho. Sakurai Sho.”

The moment he has said Sho’s name out loud, the world apparently stopped moving because the front desk lady is up her feet immediately, even bowing slightly to him. Then she calls two young men, apparently working here as well, and tells them to lead him to the private part of the building with the offices. When Jun carefully voices that he can definitely find it on his own, all three of them shake their heads, insisting that they will take him there personally. Well, awesome.

He hasn’t believed that saying he is Sho’s brother would make everyone basically kiss up to him. After the two dudes brought him to the offices, there is one lady shoving him on a super-comfortable chair, three guys offering him coffee, a piece of cake, soda and tea, and at least two women asking him if he is alright all in two minutes. Another one, apparently Sho’s secretary, apologizes politely that Sho is in a meeting and will be finished soon.

When Sho is indeed finished with his meeting and peeks out of his office curiously, Jun is just so close to crying in relief. Finally, the embarrassment stops. “Jun?” Sho blinks in surprise before he smiles. “They told me one of my younger brothers is here. I thought they meant Masaki, but then they said high school student and dark hair, and I couldn’t quite believe it. It’s nice that you dropped by. I’m on my lunch break now. Let’s eat something.”

“Are we going to eat here?” Jun asks carefully, ready to just run when Sho says yes. But gladly Sho shakes his head. “There is a little cafeteria here but mostly we all eat outside. Why? Did you want to stay here?”

“No thanks!” Jun blurts out, grabbing his bag and jacket. “Let’s go!”

Sho grins while he takes his jacket and wallet too and closes the door behind him. “That bad?” he asks.

“You have no idea. I don’t quite understand your position here, but everyone is super-creepy. I didn’t even want to ask for the toilet, because I was scared someone would basically accompany me.” Jun shudders. “I’m definitely not going to set a foot into this building so soon again. Next time, I’ll just wait for you outside.”

Sho chuckles. “Next time? So, so,” he grins. “I’m happy you are considering meeting me again.”

Jun blinks in surprise. Did he say something like that? “Let’s just go,” he huffs.

Sho gladly drops the subject and instead goes for something way more obvious. “What do you want to eat?”

“Yakiniku?” Jun offers hopefully. He hasn’t had that since forever, and it’s not something they can eat at home easily. “I mean, in case there is a restaurant around,” he adds, ignoring the twenty persons that bow to them when they leave the building.

“Yakiniku is fine with me. In fact I haven’t been there since forever. Satoshi always drags me to some fish places recently.”

They settle for a pretty fancy restaurant, which isn’t something Jun frequents with his friends but he likes it nevertheless. In general he likes fancy things, and a restaurant is no exception.

“So,” Sho finally asks the inevitable after they ordered. “Is there a reason you came to see me or was it just a spontaneous visit? I’m fine with any of these options, just so you know.”

For a moment Jun is really inclined to say it’s just a spontaneous idea, but then he shakes his head. “I-“ he pauses. “I didn’t know who else to talk with.”

“Hm.” Sho nods. “I figured that much already. It’s not usual for you to come to me after all – you must have been pretty desperate about something.”

Is he mad now? It’s difficult to read through his expression sometimes, so Jun decides to make it a bit clearer. “I don’t mean it like you are my last option. It’s just-“ Jun pauses, wary about how to continue. “You know, when you’re in my age you wouldn’t particularly ask your parents or oldest brothers for advice.”

Sho grins. “I didn’t take it as an insult, Jun, rest reassured.” He smirks. “You are a very eloquent talker by the way, maybe you would like to consider becoming a lawyer yourself or go into politics?”

Jun snorts. “No thank you.” Thanks to their little banter he feels more relaxed though and goes for barbecuing the first pieces of meat and tofu. He decides to finally get down to the point of his visit. “You know, it’s not particularly something I would discuss with my friends. Besides, they couldn’t really help,” Jun explains carefully. “Masaki is a little helpless too.”

“And it can’t be Satoshi either because you are mad at him,” Sho concludes.

So Masaki was right; he hasn’t been all that subtle. But then, he didn’t have any intent to be subtle, so it’s fine, isn’t it? “It’s not just that. But he wouldn’t be an option anyways.”

“So what is it?” Sho asks curiously. “You are worried about Kazu, aren’t you?”

“He is building up a wall,” Jun explains quietly. “I don’t know anymore how to break it. I mean, I’m trying to be careful and he still talks to me, but… it’s there. And he is crawling into his shell and just spends hours and hours staring out of the window, not doing anything. I don’t know what I should do.”

Sho nods, brows furrowed as he is apparently thinking about what Jun just told him. “You know, Jun, it’s weird that you see it like that, because just recently I told Masaki that I’m glad you are getting through to Kazu.” He takes some of the grilled meat and dips it into soy sauce before eating it. “It might feel like a wall to you, and maybe it is, but you are somewhat inside it with him.”

“Are you sure?” He can’t quite believe it.

“Yes, but if you want my advice…” Sho swaps Jun’s pork meat with his own beef, as he knows Jun hates the rather fat meat. “Don’t be afraid to take it up with him. So what if he will be mad at you for getting on his nerves? Even the better actually, as he would finally show some emotions. Don’t be scared of that.”

“But I am,” Jun mumbles. “I am scared that he will start hating me and won’t like me around. I’ve always been close to him. What if this changes?”

“Oh my god.” Sho smiles softly. “You think that would change? Come on, Jun. You know better! In this state, you are the only one he will take advice from. When he fights you, let him, because I’m one hundred percent sure he will feel incredibly bad about it then. And in one way or another he will try to wrap his mind around what’s going on, and that’s only going to help him. Nothing between you will change.”

“You really think so?”

“No, I don’t think so. I know it.” Sho nods in approval. “And you don’t need to take any mood swing from him either. You are allowed to get mad too. Just act normal, like you normally would. It’s the best way.”

“Maybe,” Jun sighs and pokes at his rice grumpily. “Guess not doing anything at all isn’t an option.”

“Talking about doing nothing isn’t an option. What would you say if I asked you to be nicer to Sa-chan?” Sho wants to know, a frown gracing his face now.

Jun blinks in surprise. After Masaki lecturing about it, it’s now Sho? “I’m nice enough,” Jun says.

Sho tilts his head. “Not really.”

“Sho, is that going to be some kind of lecture now?” Jun wants to know.

Sho frowns slightly, tilting his head while he stares at the deliciously smelling meat. “I guess it is,” he finally says and Jun lets out a sigh. “I know you don’t like it.”

Jun feels his old temper swelling up inside him. He tries to suppress it though and swallow it down. The last thing he needs to add on his to-do-list is a loud argument in a restaurant. But still, it might be better than talking about Satoshi. “Please mind your own business,” Jun huffs.

“Just watch your tone please,” Sho warns him calmly, and puts some meat on the grill. “It’s just a friendly warning from my side because I have a bad feeling about where this here is leading us. And I don’t trust me not to yell at you when you provoke me too much.”

Jun stares at him in deepest bewilderment. Did he just say that aloud? “You just really found a new way of handling tension.”

“You don’t like it?”

“This is the first time you didn’t immediately reprimand me for obviously defying you. I guess,” Jun looks to the side, eyeing Sho out of the corner of his eyes. “I don’t know what to make out of it.”

“Wait a moment…” Sho blinks and points with his chopsticks at Jun. “Something sounds a little fishy.”

“Hm?”

Sho tilts his head slightly. “Did you just want to use a distraction strategy on me before by getting me mad?”

Jun’s eyes basically snap wide open at this. How the hell did he know?

“I can’t believe you.” Sho’s voice is something between slightly pissed and amused. “Talking about having me in your palm.” He shakes his head. “Don’t do that, Jun. It’s not going to make you feel good when you make me yell at you. And on top of that I’ll feel miserable too.”

“Guess you are right,” Jun sighs and bows a bit. “I’m sorry. I just went for it without thinking.”

“Let’s not mention it again.” Sho smiles. “As long as you won’t do it again.”

“I’ll try.”

“So, talking about Sa-chan…”

Jun points at Sho’s plate. “Can I have your tofu?”

Sho sighs. “I see.”

“It’s just…I think Kazu and Satoshi can’t solve anything when they don’t talk to each other. What does Sa-chan want to do? Never talk about it at all?” Jun frowns. “I understand where you and Masaki are coming from, but I wished you would all respect that I’m not happy with how things are either. And that I have my issues and feelings too, and need to wrap my mind around all of this first. It’s not helping to get pushed all the time while I’m actually still trying to figure things out.”

Sho stays silent for a few minutes, then he nods. “I don’t like it, but I think I understand. Allow me just one question, out of mere curiosity…”

“Yes?” Jun eyes his brother curiously. What is it now?

“Were you never mad at Kazu? This entire time you were basically dividing yourself into two pieces to help him and to keep your own life out of a mess too… you must have felt exhausted throughout the last year.” Sho eyes him piercingly. “Are you seriously telling me that you don’t hold the tiniest grudge against your brother?”

Jun’s eyes go wide at that question. He needs a few moments to process what Sho has asked him. Figuring the whole situation, it’s not even that much of a weird question. He takes a wild guess that Masaki and Satoshi might be wondering about the same thing. “I don’t know why,” Jun mumbles. “I… don’t hold any grudge against Kazu at all. I’m not mad at him. I haven’t even thought about it that way. Maybe because I know how messed up he had to feel to even push it so far? I don’t know, I think we both didn’t handle the past issues well. It’s still freaking scary sometimes when I remember how that dude was sitting right between me and Kazu and held his gun against our father’s back. Sometimes the scar where he shot me accidentally still hurts. And I’m still having nightmares about it, and I know that for Kazu it’s the same. So…” Jun frowns. “I guess that’s why. Is it stupid to say that I’m rather starting to feel disappointed now because he closes me out of his life so much?”

Sho’s lips quiver slightly, and Jun isn’t quite able to read his expression. “It’s okay,” he finally says, voice a bit hoarse. “You do things your way, and you have your own feelings. There is just a brotherly advice I have for you…”

“And what’s that?” Jun asks curiously before he can even stop himself from asking.

“You and Kazu share a tight bond, and that’s perfectly fine, but at one point in your life you need to let go a bit. I’m not saying your relationship to each other should be worse, not at all. It’s wonderful that you are that close. But you slowly need to think about yourself too. And you  have to deal with your own problems and solve your own issues, get into your own troubles, get into petty arguments with us because of a mess you created – I hope it goes without saying that with a mess and trouble I don’t mean you joining a gang or anything alike.”  Sho smiles slightly. “I think you should start to lead your own life, make your own decisions, make your own mistakes, get punished for them, try new things and fail and don’t be afraid of them, fall in love, have fun with your friends, cry and laugh about things not related to your family, have your own goals and dreams, and work towards everything your pace – and your pace alone.” He smiles warmly. “Jun, if you are always torn, how will you step forward full-heartedly? For your own sake and your own life.”

Jun doesn’t answer anything to Sho’s words, his mind still processing what he told him. Sho hands him a tissue and has the decency to stay quiet for a few minutes. “You are so stupid, brother, for making me cry in restaurant,” Jun mumbles after a while.

Sho rubs his arm soothingly. “I’m sorry.”

“You are not.”

“Yes, maybe I’m not,” Sho says softly.

“It’s easy for you to say that,” Jun grumbles. “Make my own mistakes? If I do, I have to take it up with you out of all. You are the one who’s going to yell at me and ground me, or whatever. Like… seriously… Do you even know what you are getting yourself into?”

“Of course you had to pick that line from my speech out of all.” Sho smiles. “And I do know what I’m getting myself into. Listen, I know you might think I’m being hypocritical. But this is my honest feeling. And I wanted to tell you all this since a while ago already. I only want to see all of you happy. This is my personal dream.”

“Oh man.” Jun hides his face behind his hands in embarrassment to provide himself from sobbing into his food. When the hell did he turn into such a cry-baby? This family is impossible.


~~~

It’s a day later that Jun passes by Masaki’s shop because he was in the area. Masaki is outside right now, closing his shop.

“Oh, Jun!” His brother waves, before he grins. “Help me carry my bags?” he almost begs. Jun has to grin at that. He nods and angles for one of the heavy baskets with tons of ingredients.

“For cookies?” he asks curiously.

“Yes, I’m baking at home today,” Masaki tells him while he walks by his car.

“You are not driving?” Jun asks in surprise.

“No, you hate cars,” Masaki says calmly. “And it’s warm and beautiful today. We live close by, so why not take a walk?”

Jun halts for a moment; Masaki’s words feel like thick raindrops that are dropping down on him. He isn’t sure if it feels good or painful. “What?”

“We decided to give you some necessary time,” Masaki explains light-heartedly like they are just talking about the weather. “But you can’t stay away from cars your whole life. We need to think of a plan. It might include Matsuda-sensei, so in case Sa-chan or Sho-chan introduce you to that idea, please don’t jump into their faces immediately?”

It’s rare that Jun is at a loss for words. He swallows a bit, not sure what to say. He needs to think about that when he is by himself. So he stays silent first, before he changes the topic. “Why are you baking at home?” he wants to know.

“Kazu is not feeling so well recently,” Masaki explains. “The rehab is getting down on his nerves. He feels restless and tired. And he is getting a bit too skinny recently.”

“He is trying hard,” Jun says silently. “With everything. Satoshi is too harsh on him.”

Masaki smiles. “And you are probably too harsh on Satoshi.”

Jun isn’t surprised at these words, after all both Sho and Masaki just talked about it a few days ago, but he hasn’t expected Masaki to touch the topic again – so casually and calmly on top of that. Kazu and Sa-chan need to make up again, damn it. It’s been long enough. Still- “Why are you saying that now? What’s with that comparison?”

“Sa-chan is hurt and disappointed too,” Masaki explains while they cross the road. “But he knows that Kazu is trying hard. So have some faith in him, okay? You and Sho managed to set your problems too after all. Kazu and Satoshi are going to do the same.” He smiles affectionately. “It’s weird. You and Sho are so short-tempered sometimes, you clash against each other with a loud sound but you make up swiftly. Kazu and Satoshi are different, they are calmer, more… hidden in their shells sometimes. They need a while to move towards each other.”

“If they are not moving any time soon, I’m going to kick Kazu into the right direction.” Jun grumbles.

Masaki laughs brightly. “Sho said the same to Satoshi yesterday. He is already losing his patience with his beloved twin since last week.”

For a while they are walking next to each other quietly before Masaki looks at him openly. “Be honest with me Jun, okay?” When Jun nods, he takes a deep breath. “Me and your Italian teacher- What do you think about it? How did you find out?”

Jun can’t help a laugh. “You are like an open book.” He smirks. “Kazu and I knew from the beginning. I just wished you would have told me.”

“I’m sorry. I know you hate lies.” Masaki smiles a bit. “It’s just been a new and surprising situation for me. And I didn’t know she was your teacher at first.”

“It’s okay,” Jun says light-heartedly. “I’ve been keeping Kazu’s secrets for too long myself. I’m not going to judge anyone for not being able to find the right words and tell me the truth.”

“Satoshi told me you would probably say something along those lines.” Masaki admits. “I told him two days ago that I’m afraid to talk to you about it. He just laughed at me and said I’m stupid.” He pauses. “So, do you mind if I go out with her?”

“You are my brother,” Jun says thoughtfully. “I want you to be happy. All you did the last years was to watch out for us. So, no, I don’t mind. Go out and have some fun.”

Later, he will blame it on Masaki and on how his older brother has touched several sore topics at once because he only realises that they are not going home when it’s too late. Jun pauses. “Ma-chan. That’s not the way home.”

Masaki grins cheekily, unusually impish. “Of course not. I forgot something.”

Jun eyes him sceptically. “And what did you forget, in this fancy area on top of that?”

“You’ll see.”

When Masaki leads him towards an exclusive and expensive fish restaurant, Jun halts. “What are we doing here?”

For a while, his older brother stays silent before he looks at him through begging eyes. “Please, be nice.”

“Nice?” Jun says without understanding what the other means. “I’m always nice.”

“It’s about giving a chance, Jun. Be warm, and open. Friendly.”



A/N: Okay, I know this is a super-long chapter. I thought about posting it in two for a while, but then... I originally wrote it as one chapter, so I thought it would destroy the pacing if I changed it in two chapters.

So... Kazu's adventures bascially backfired on the whole family... emotional-wise I mean. I think it might be the first time that Masaki actually ganged up with one of the older brothers against one of the younger...
Funny enough, Sho seems to deal the best with everything, right? ^^ And Jun is slowly finding his own strategy too. For Satoshi it's more difficult though... (and on top of that Jun is in a hidden war with him :D)

I guess Jun visiting Sho at work really is THE SURPRISE for Sho *lol*

The talk between Sho and Jun was one of the most important scenes for me, by the way. I wanted someone to finally hit the nail and tell Jun that he needs to live his own life too, that he can't always be torn.

Satoshi and Kazu are still not talking with each other though... Their pace is so slow...