Family Matters: Chapter 22
May. 22nd, 2016 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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yume_to_ameTitle: Family matters ~ Chapter 22/22
Pairing: Jun, Masaki, Sho, Satoshi, Kazu (there are going to be additional side-characters though. No OCs.) I'm trying to give each of the five their well-deserves spot-light <3
Rating: PG
Multi-chapter
Genre: family!AU in which Arashi are brothers :-) slice of life, a little drama (and I'm trying to add some light-hearted, funny moments to it too)
Summary: Since they were little they were always close to each other. And when unfortunate events force them to live together without their parents, it's only natural that they try to make the best out of it.
By now it’s pretty obvious that Kazu is one hundred percent happy – well, okay, maybe it’s a good ninety percent. Sometimes he still goes into depressed, silent mode, but at least now they all have their own strategy with it.
“You look happy,” Jun analyses when he meets Kazu in the attic. Kazu’s eyes are shining slightly. The colour they have lost during the last couple of weeks is back. If Kazu is happy, he is happy too. It’s simple like that sometimes. “Made up with Satoshi?” he asks just for the sake of asking.
“We are working on it.” Kazu chuckles. “It’s more difficult than I thought, and at the same time a lot easier too. I guess during the last years we moved apart from each other a lot, and it shows now. But I’m slowly learning to understand Sa-chan more.”
“Was that the problem?” Jun wants to know. “The reason you didn’t get along before?”
“I’m not sure, but I think we were too similar? Looking into a mirror pissed me off sometimes, you know? And I was mad that Sa-chan didn’t seem to mind anything at all. It was always only Sho getting angry, or trying to force things on us. For years Satoshi didn’t do anything. I know it’s stupid, but it kind of felt like he ignored me, though we used to be so close before. I think I felt disappointed?”
“Sounds legit,” Jun says, smiling softly. “Don’t feel bad about having such feelings.”
“Well, Sa-chan and I are both emotional wrecks after all,” Kazu jokes.
Most likely that’s true, but Jun doesn’t say it out loud. It’s not like he is without issues after all. He still has to fight hard sometimes not to get into his usual awkward mood, and overthink everything, and sometimes he still slips and shows his temper. But he tries hard, and even visits Matsuda-sensei regularly. He has found out that even after all those years it’s not bad to talk about his fears and about the guy with the gun in his hands who’s still hunting him in his dreams.
Satoshi doesn’t own a car, but Masaki and Sho do, and as Matsuda-sensei’s instruction is to at least drive twice a week, his stupid brothers are taking it very seriously.
“Don’t glare at me like that, Jun,” Sho whines when he takes Jun to pick up something to eat for all of them. Normally they would order something in, but Jun hasn’t counted with Masaki’s and Sho’s determination to follow Matsuda’s rules.
He decides to be childish, sulk and go for the silent treatment.
“I can’t believe you,” Sho continues his complaint, and looks almost sulky himself. Jun hides his grin and looks out of the window. It’s surprisingly fun to tease Sho. Maybe because he got so kind now, not as strict as he used to be. It is suddenly fun to hang out with him.
When they finally reach Kazu’s and Masaki’s favourite hamburger restaurant and Sho pulls the car over, Sho lets out a sigh. “Don’t give me such a hard time, please? I’m just doing what Matsuda-sensei told me, Jun!”
Jun can’t help a smile all of a sudden. “So do I,” he admits.
“Wait a moment?” Sho frowns. “Matsuda said you should let your frustration out on me?”
“Well kind of. He didn’t use exactly this phrasing though.” Jun chuckles. “He told me to openly show my emotions when we are driving. And that my brothers would be strong enough to take it. Isn’t that basically the same?”
Sho pouts. “Are you serious? I need to send him a letter of my gratitude then,” he grumbles.
Jun has to laugh at that comment, and after a while Sho’s lips tug too, and he joins his giggling. Their mood is obviously a lot better since they got out of the car. “Are you done being grumpy now?” Jun asks teasingly. “Because I’ve just seen the perfect hamburger, and salad.”
“You know,” Sho grins too now. “Since when did you become such a tease? I think I missed something crucial in your development to that new persona.” Then however he is standing next to Jun all of a sudden, eyeing the hamburger Jun is pointing at. “You are right,” he says all of a sudden. “It looks crazy. I want that one too. Oh, and this sakura burger there. Chips. And fried vegetable. Oh, and maybe we should take ice cream along too?”
Jun nods immediately. “We’ll probably all feel sick afterwards. But who cares?”
“Yes,” Sho chuckles. “Who cares?”
~~~
The barbecue they have planned indeed turns into a huge party. Kazu pretends to look grumpy while actually Jun knows he enjoys it. Jun pokes him with his elbow. “If you keep frowning like that, you’ll have wrinkles soon.”
“You stupid tease,” Kazu grins at Jun’s silly remark. “When did you actually turn from being all cute and throwing several tantrums to your super-confident, teasy current self?”
Jun tilts his head. Sho asked him something similar a few days ago, but he has just laughed about it back then. Now with Kazu repeating the same thing it has to be true. “Is it bad?”
“Not at all,” Kazu smiles.
“You sure?”
Kazu laughs. “Jeez, Jun, yes! Believe me.”
“So,” Jun muses mainly to diffuse his embarrassment. “Let’s get social, shall we?”
Kazu chuckles. “After you,” he says. “Being social is more your hunting ground.”
Their brothers really invited just everyone to this summer party as they called it – no need for everyone to know what they are really celebrating –, starting from Kazu’s and Jun’s school friends, Yamaguchi and Nagase-sensei, plus Karina of course. There is also Jun’s Italian teacher somewhere, helping Masaki with preparing the meat. Jun sees her pecking Masaki’s nose slightly, and immediately turns away. No, too awkward.
Satoshi has a young guy with him too. Apparently the dude he has met recently. “Didn’t know Satoshi likes them young and crispy,” Kazu whispers towards Jun and Shun, and all three of them burst into giggles.
Apparently Satoshi realized their amusement was directed at his direction because he blushes slightly.
“Say,” Kazu starts after a while when Jun has joked around with Mao and his friends and joined him and Shun again. “Are you actually dating Mao-chan now… or not?”
Jun shrugs helplessly. “I guess for now we are just friends?”
Kazu grins. “Sounds really convincing, little brother.”
Jun blushes, but shakes his head. “I mean, I like her, and she is so pretty and cool and all, but there was so much going on here that I didn’t really have the time to think about feelings.” He pauses. “Guess I have to start liking myself again, because after the accident I basically hated myself. And I need to try to forgive myself for making Sho, Sa-chan and Masaki change their lives. Then, maybe, I can think about falling in love with someone.”
“Yes,” Kazu admits silently. “I understand what you mean.
“You and Ryo-kun?” Jun asks.
“Keeping it like it was,” Kazu admits. “As you said, there are too many issues I have to think about. There is still Matsuda-sensei to visit, and my issues at home. And, well, I have no idea how my future will be. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to college or if I even want to. I have yet to think of a plan. My problems will only be in Ryo’s way. He will try to help me, and to be honest, I don’t want to rely on someone that much again. I already relied way too much on you during the last year. Using Ryo now sounds pathetic. Do you understand?”
Kazu looks at him almost beggingly, like he wants him to agree. And yes, Jun understands perfectly. It makes his stomach twist though. How can he go abroad to finish school and join a dancing company when there are so many issues going on and-
“You are doing it again, stubborn little brother!” Kazu complains. “I can see it in your face. You are overthinking everything. If you use me as an excuse for not going for your dream, I’ll be really really mad.”
~~~
Jun likes gatherings like this, in general he likes parties, unlike Kazu, but this time even Kazu seems to be playing along happily. Masaki and Sho have gone overboard with the barbecue though, delivering them with so much to eat that Jun is sure they will have plenty of leftovers for the whole upcoming week.
Much later when it’s turning from evening to night, most of their guests have gone home already. Nagase and Yamaguchi are still somewhere around, letting Kazu show them the house and the surroundings. Masaki switches on the light on the veranda meanwhile and brings a few blankets, throwing one of them around Jun.
“It’s getting cold,” he smiles. “Be careful. We’ll have dessert soon. And Sho wants to make fried potatoes for later that night. Hm, talking about, I still have some tiny horsd'œuvre around. Might bring them here as well, and something to drink, oh, and cake!”
“It’s unbelievable how much you can eat. You must have five stomachs,” Jun teases, chuckling when Masaki dabs his cheek playfully.
When Masaki and Satoshi go to the kitchen to get everything they still need, Jun’s alone. It’s not cold, rather a warm spring evening, but Masaki is right. Better be careful, so he tugs the blanket around him and takes his book.
“Here.”
Jun looks up when Sho presses an ice-cold bottle with lychee juice against his temples. He cringes in surprise at the sudden cold. “Idiot,” he mumbles.
Sho laughs and sits down next to him. He points at the book in Jun’s lap. “Studying? Even now?”
Jun shrugs. “English Literature assignment. We are reading Shakespeare. It’s not really studying. I like Hamlet.”
“Jun-“ Sho teases. “Do you ever go out and just have fun?”
“Do you?” Jun bites back.
Sho grins.
Jun thinks he should probably tell him that he is going to Friday night parties at his classmates’ houses regularly, just so his brothers can feel relieved. But it’s not the right moment to say that, besides it’s not anyone else’s business but his. Sho said it himself a few weeks ago: Do things your pace.
For a moment Sho doesn’t say anything, just hums a melody while Jun skims through the book. It feels comfortable and relaxed. The sky is covered in stars already and the air is still warm.
“Jun, there is something…” Sho pauses, almost sounding nervous. “I need to tell you something important,” He suddenly starts again. “And I need you to listen.”
Jun blinks in surprise. It’s rare for Sho to speak like that, with that certain tone in his voice. It sounds important, so Jun angles for a blade of grass and puts it in the book, so that he can find the page again later. Then he puts it aside. “I’m listening,” he says curiously.
“Let my dreams be my issue,” Sho begins. Something inside Jun suddenly turns upside down. What the hell? Where does that come from? How did Sho possibly know…? It’s impossible. When Jun wants to say something to voice his surprise, Sho raises his hand in defence to stop him from speaking. “Let it be my problem. You think that I regret everything and that I wake up every morning and mourn for my dreams, but it’s not true. The moment Masaki, Satoshi and I changed everything after the accident happened, we did it with intent, we had a plan. And at that time we had a new, better dream. There is no happiness we could have achieved in our lives without having you and Kazu around. For us it was a miracle that you two survived. I’m not looking back at that time now and regret my decision. Actually I’m really happy that I did what I did. It’s true that I never wanted to study law, I remember a time when I laughed at all my classmates who wanted to become lawyers. But I’ve found a place within this job that I like. And part of my refusal was also because of my rebellious mind against our father. Yes, it was only my second choice, but I’m glad and lucky that I even had a second choice. Other people have nothing.”
Jun stares at Sho for a long while. The words are sinking down on him and he isn’t sure if he likes what he hears or if he doesn’t. If he should feel relieved or nervous. Can he even believe that? Or… “Kazu talked too much, didn’t he?” he says all of a sudden.
Sho chuckles. “He told Satoshi. And Satoshi told me.”
“There are really no secrets in this family.” Jun sighs.
“To be honest, I was really shocked when I heard about it. But the good thing is that I finally understand why you were so angry with me the last year. It must have been your subconscious working against me or your own guilty feeling. So, let me tell you once and for all: My decision to change my life is definitely and by no means your fault. Or Kazu’s. We did what he did because we wanted to do it. There would have been no remaining dreams for us, had we given you two up. Let that finally get into your stubborn head.” He smiles brightly. “If you don’t accept that offer from your headmaster although you want it so badly, we are never going to forgive ourselves,” Sho explains quietly. “You know that. You are smart enough to realize that it won’t make us happy if you decline an offer like that… because of us. That’s why you have only told Kazu and none of us.”
Something behind Jun’s eyelids burns slightly, so he turns his head and looks down at his left knee. There is an ant crawling over his foot. Sho pads his head softly and it feels strangely natural.
“And now?” Jun asks quietly. “What am I going to do now?”
“Your decision,” Sho says softly. “Your decision only.”
~~~
Sho gives him exactly ten minutes of time to recover, then Nagase and Yamaguchi return, and Sho grabs his elbow and pushes him up. “How about telling them now?” he asks sweetly. “They are here. What a coincidence.”
“You jerks,” Jun huffs. “This was planned, wasn’t it? I don’t like to be tricked, Sho.”
Sho’s lips tug, and at least he has the decency to look somewhat apologetic and embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Jun. You are right, there is a reason we invited Nagase-sensei over. We were afraid you would change your mind. Still what I said to you before is the entire truth.”
“Yes, but…” Jun frowns.
Sho touches his shoulder affectionately. “It’s not that I don’t understand your doubts and fears, but to decide something so big you need to be honest to yourself. If you don’t start taking your life into your own hands now, when will you?”
“You think I can do it alone?” Jun finally asks. “I mean, I’ve never been alone. You think I can handle it?”
“I’m one hundred percent certain you can. It’s more like…” Sho’s lips tug nervously. “… we are going to handle it a lot worse than you. Having one of the both of you not around will be difficult for us. We are probably having issues to let you two go on your own paths. This is our trauma from the accident the both of you had. We’ll always be over-protective. But it doesn’t matter in this case… This is your chance to finally do something for yourself, on your own. It’s going to be a wonderful experience,” Sho says warmly. “And if you feel bad, we’ll get you back immediately. And don’t think we won’t get you a ticket to come back for a visit! So what do you say?”
Yes, no. Damn it, that’s difficult. He wants to give it a try, like seriously. A few months ago he wouldn’t have been strong enough to even consider this here, let alone go through with it. But now he feels like he might be able to handle it. It feels like he could do it, like he is finally strong enough to do things on his own. “I’m still not certain…”
“Are you sure your pride and your fear aren’t getting into your way? Really, not at all?”
Jun wants to blurt out a no, but unfortunately his conscious gets the better of him, because of course his pride would get into his way. Fuck it. “I’m still mad,” he mumbles, but he can’t deny the tiny jump of happiness and the nervous tightening of his chest when he approaches Nagase-sensei. His teacher however gets the cue immediately. “Can’t be true,” he breathes out. “You are accepting? Finally, after years of work, a student in my class that made it so far!”
By this blunt and open happiness and joy coming from Nagase, Jun just forgets all of his own pride. “Thank you for your support. I’m of course accepting your offer. So, please bear with me a little longer, then,” he smiles. “Because you know I’m stubborn as hell.” Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see how Satoshi and Kazu grin a bit. He tries to throw them a glare, but judging by the way Kazu waves at him, he failed miserably with it.
Well at least he has a freeway ticket to sulking for the whole next day, at least in front of Satoshi and Sho. Masaki is mostly immune to someone being irritated, and Kazu is his friend… leaves only two of them.
“I’ve already braced myself inwardly for you being mad at us for playing this little trick on you.” Sho jokes when Masaki gets them something to drink and Jun bumps into Sho and Satoshi. “So, how about you tell us how we can bribe you into being all cool with us again?”
“Good idea,” Satoshi agrees casually. He opens his arms teasingly. “A hug for example?”
“Or we could go for a fancy dinner together next week,” Sho suggests happily, not even hiding his joy about the fact that someone in his family apparently is following a promising career.
The situation is so crazy that Jun just sighs and gives in. “You are really silly, you know that?”
“He is right.” Kazu joins their ridiculous discussion, gladly ganging up with Jun in that case. The old team is back. “At least apologize properly. Is this what happens when you guys drink too much?”
Sho smiles. “You have not yet seen me drunk, kid,” he says before patting Jun’s shoulder. “Okay, Kazu is right. Honestly? I’m really happy you accepted that offer. I’m sorry for setting you up, yes, but I’m still happy you accepted.”
“Oh my.” Jun sighs. “You… Fine,” he grins. “But we are going to have shabu shabu, fancy, and you’ll all behave well. Plus the next time we argue about something or miss our curfew, you won’t scold me or Kazu too much.”
Kazu grins. “Way to go, J. How about you also ask them to-”
Satoshi raises his hands, sighing dramatically. “Stop it right here,” he says earnestly, but his lips are tugging slightly in amusement. “You are getting away with your demands. But don’t push your luck too much.”
“Fine,” Jun says, more earnest than intended. “Don’t get into a fight now. I guess I needed a little push after all.”
Sho apparently caught his weird mood. “So, what is the remaining problem then?”
“I know it’s stupid.” Jun looks away nervously. “But what if I fail? What if I won’t do well? Wouldn’t that be a huge disappointment?” He almost expects the others to laugh, but none of them does. Kazu just shakes his head.
“Listen,” Sho says after a while, all serious again. “You go for that dream of yours, you try whole-heartedly, and in case you can’t make it happen – which I don’t believe by the way –, no one will be disappointed because we all know you gave it your best. But don’t give in to your doubts yet, just push forward and see what will happen.”
Jun nods. With that it’s settled.
~~~
“Finally!” Masaki cries out. He has drunk too much of his not-so-children-like fruit-champagne. There is also the light version of that drink for the underage people, hence Kazu and Jun are the only ones who are completely sober. “We should re-do that oath we did as kids!”
“That’s a good idea,” Sho agrees.
“The oath?” Jun blinks. “You mean that capsule you made when I and Kazu were still babies?”
“Yeah, it would be nice to do it now that you are actually almost adults too,” Satoshi sighs. “Though…You were so cute back then”
“Thanks for the reminder,” Kazu snorts. “And your obvious opinion that now we are not.”
“I think you are still cute!” Masaki chuckles happily. “When you are sulking, or Jun is slightly annoyed, or Kazu has that frown. And-“
“Can someone stop him please?” Kazu whines in desperation. “I don’t want to hear any of that.”
“But he is right,” Sho answers in his blunt honesty. “When Jun is grumpy at morning, or you lose at one of your weird games and sulk, or-“
“Just stop it!” Kazu demands, and Sho grins at him.
Then gladly Masaki decides it’s time for their fifth dessert as he gets the tray with the chocolate-fruits. The older ones are in such an unbelievably good mood that it feels almost like they are in some sort of cheesy movie.
“I’m hope I won’t regret this and fail.” Jun sighs.
“And if you do-“ Satoshi says softly. “You can at least always say that you tried. You are not regretting something you didn’t do. And that’s good.”
“We should celebrate some more!” Masaki demands and angles for the second bottle of champagne.
“Masaki?” Sho calls out in alarm. “Give me the bottle! You have had enough.” He jumps up, chasing after Masaki who is running around the bonfire with the bottle, much to Kazu’s and Jun’s amusement. When Satoshi decides to intervene too, grabbing Masaki’s waist to hold him down, all three of them drop down to the ground.
Kazu swiftly saves the bottle of champagne before they get hurt. Then he sits down next to Jun. “Are you mad at me for telling Satoshi?”
“No,” Jun says. “I’m not ready to thank you yet though, so don’t expect anything.”
Kazu smiles. “I knew you would say that. Guess I’m still lucky you let me get away with telling Sa-chan. You won’t stop telling me stuff now, will you?”
“I guess I won’t.” Jun sighs. “I see how this here was too important for you to stay quiet. So, I still trust you.”
“No secrets.” Kazu chuckles. “Pinky-swear. It weighs heavily.”
“Exactly why we should redo that oath,” Jun insists. “Also I would like to be an active part of it this time.”
“Me too, and I would love to see how Sho and Sa-chan dig a hole,” Kazu grins. “I wonder how fit they still are.”
They both chuckle slightly at that, watching their unique bunch of brothers continuing their bickering. It all feels well and full-hearted, finally after years.
A/N: So this is it. The official end of this multi-chapter. There will be an epilogue though. And I'm already thinking of a sequel ;-)
Thank you, all of you, who followed this multi-chapter and lots of sparkles and candies for all your lovely comments and encouraging words ♥ I hope you enjoyed this story up to its end *hugs-all-of-you*
Pairing: Jun, Masaki, Sho, Satoshi, Kazu (there are going to be additional side-characters though. No OCs.) I'm trying to give each of the five their well-deserves spot-light <3
Rating: PG
Multi-chapter
Genre: family!AU in which Arashi are brothers :-) slice of life, a little drama (and I'm trying to add some light-hearted, funny moments to it too)
Summary: Since they were little they were always close to each other. And when unfortunate events force them to live together without their parents, it's only natural that they try to make the best out of it.
By now it’s pretty obvious that Kazu is one hundred percent happy – well, okay, maybe it’s a good ninety percent. Sometimes he still goes into depressed, silent mode, but at least now they all have their own strategy with it.
“You look happy,” Jun analyses when he meets Kazu in the attic. Kazu’s eyes are shining slightly. The colour they have lost during the last couple of weeks is back. If Kazu is happy, he is happy too. It’s simple like that sometimes. “Made up with Satoshi?” he asks just for the sake of asking.
“We are working on it.” Kazu chuckles. “It’s more difficult than I thought, and at the same time a lot easier too. I guess during the last years we moved apart from each other a lot, and it shows now. But I’m slowly learning to understand Sa-chan more.”
“Was that the problem?” Jun wants to know. “The reason you didn’t get along before?”
“I’m not sure, but I think we were too similar? Looking into a mirror pissed me off sometimes, you know? And I was mad that Sa-chan didn’t seem to mind anything at all. It was always only Sho getting angry, or trying to force things on us. For years Satoshi didn’t do anything. I know it’s stupid, but it kind of felt like he ignored me, though we used to be so close before. I think I felt disappointed?”
“Sounds legit,” Jun says, smiling softly. “Don’t feel bad about having such feelings.”
“Well, Sa-chan and I are both emotional wrecks after all,” Kazu jokes.
Most likely that’s true, but Jun doesn’t say it out loud. It’s not like he is without issues after all. He still has to fight hard sometimes not to get into his usual awkward mood, and overthink everything, and sometimes he still slips and shows his temper. But he tries hard, and even visits Matsuda-sensei regularly. He has found out that even after all those years it’s not bad to talk about his fears and about the guy with the gun in his hands who’s still hunting him in his dreams.
Satoshi doesn’t own a car, but Masaki and Sho do, and as Matsuda-sensei’s instruction is to at least drive twice a week, his stupid brothers are taking it very seriously.
“Don’t glare at me like that, Jun,” Sho whines when he takes Jun to pick up something to eat for all of them. Normally they would order something in, but Jun hasn’t counted with Masaki’s and Sho’s determination to follow Matsuda’s rules.
He decides to be childish, sulk and go for the silent treatment.
“I can’t believe you,” Sho continues his complaint, and looks almost sulky himself. Jun hides his grin and looks out of the window. It’s surprisingly fun to tease Sho. Maybe because he got so kind now, not as strict as he used to be. It is suddenly fun to hang out with him.
When they finally reach Kazu’s and Masaki’s favourite hamburger restaurant and Sho pulls the car over, Sho lets out a sigh. “Don’t give me such a hard time, please? I’m just doing what Matsuda-sensei told me, Jun!”
Jun can’t help a smile all of a sudden. “So do I,” he admits.
“Wait a moment?” Sho frowns. “Matsuda said you should let your frustration out on me?”
“Well kind of. He didn’t use exactly this phrasing though.” Jun chuckles. “He told me to openly show my emotions when we are driving. And that my brothers would be strong enough to take it. Isn’t that basically the same?”
Sho pouts. “Are you serious? I need to send him a letter of my gratitude then,” he grumbles.
Jun has to laugh at that comment, and after a while Sho’s lips tug too, and he joins his giggling. Their mood is obviously a lot better since they got out of the car. “Are you done being grumpy now?” Jun asks teasingly. “Because I’ve just seen the perfect hamburger, and salad.”
“You know,” Sho grins too now. “Since when did you become such a tease? I think I missed something crucial in your development to that new persona.” Then however he is standing next to Jun all of a sudden, eyeing the hamburger Jun is pointing at. “You are right,” he says all of a sudden. “It looks crazy. I want that one too. Oh, and this sakura burger there. Chips. And fried vegetable. Oh, and maybe we should take ice cream along too?”
Jun nods immediately. “We’ll probably all feel sick afterwards. But who cares?”
“Yes,” Sho chuckles. “Who cares?”
~~~
The barbecue they have planned indeed turns into a huge party. Kazu pretends to look grumpy while actually Jun knows he enjoys it. Jun pokes him with his elbow. “If you keep frowning like that, you’ll have wrinkles soon.”
“You stupid tease,” Kazu grins at Jun’s silly remark. “When did you actually turn from being all cute and throwing several tantrums to your super-confident, teasy current self?”
Jun tilts his head. Sho asked him something similar a few days ago, but he has just laughed about it back then. Now with Kazu repeating the same thing it has to be true. “Is it bad?”
“Not at all,” Kazu smiles.
“You sure?”
Kazu laughs. “Jeez, Jun, yes! Believe me.”
“So,” Jun muses mainly to diffuse his embarrassment. “Let’s get social, shall we?”
Kazu chuckles. “After you,” he says. “Being social is more your hunting ground.”
Their brothers really invited just everyone to this summer party as they called it – no need for everyone to know what they are really celebrating –, starting from Kazu’s and Jun’s school friends, Yamaguchi and Nagase-sensei, plus Karina of course. There is also Jun’s Italian teacher somewhere, helping Masaki with preparing the meat. Jun sees her pecking Masaki’s nose slightly, and immediately turns away. No, too awkward.
Satoshi has a young guy with him too. Apparently the dude he has met recently. “Didn’t know Satoshi likes them young and crispy,” Kazu whispers towards Jun and Shun, and all three of them burst into giggles.
Apparently Satoshi realized their amusement was directed at his direction because he blushes slightly.
“Say,” Kazu starts after a while when Jun has joked around with Mao and his friends and joined him and Shun again. “Are you actually dating Mao-chan now… or not?”
Jun shrugs helplessly. “I guess for now we are just friends?”
Kazu grins. “Sounds really convincing, little brother.”
Jun blushes, but shakes his head. “I mean, I like her, and she is so pretty and cool and all, but there was so much going on here that I didn’t really have the time to think about feelings.” He pauses. “Guess I have to start liking myself again, because after the accident I basically hated myself. And I need to try to forgive myself for making Sho, Sa-chan and Masaki change their lives. Then, maybe, I can think about falling in love with someone.”
“Yes,” Kazu admits silently. “I understand what you mean.
“You and Ryo-kun?” Jun asks.
“Keeping it like it was,” Kazu admits. “As you said, there are too many issues I have to think about. There is still Matsuda-sensei to visit, and my issues at home. And, well, I have no idea how my future will be. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to college or if I even want to. I have yet to think of a plan. My problems will only be in Ryo’s way. He will try to help me, and to be honest, I don’t want to rely on someone that much again. I already relied way too much on you during the last year. Using Ryo now sounds pathetic. Do you understand?”
Kazu looks at him almost beggingly, like he wants him to agree. And yes, Jun understands perfectly. It makes his stomach twist though. How can he go abroad to finish school and join a dancing company when there are so many issues going on and-
“You are doing it again, stubborn little brother!” Kazu complains. “I can see it in your face. You are overthinking everything. If you use me as an excuse for not going for your dream, I’ll be really really mad.”
~~~
Jun likes gatherings like this, in general he likes parties, unlike Kazu, but this time even Kazu seems to be playing along happily. Masaki and Sho have gone overboard with the barbecue though, delivering them with so much to eat that Jun is sure they will have plenty of leftovers for the whole upcoming week.
Much later when it’s turning from evening to night, most of their guests have gone home already. Nagase and Yamaguchi are still somewhere around, letting Kazu show them the house and the surroundings. Masaki switches on the light on the veranda meanwhile and brings a few blankets, throwing one of them around Jun.
“It’s getting cold,” he smiles. “Be careful. We’ll have dessert soon. And Sho wants to make fried potatoes for later that night. Hm, talking about, I still have some tiny horsd'œuvre around. Might bring them here as well, and something to drink, oh, and cake!”
“It’s unbelievable how much you can eat. You must have five stomachs,” Jun teases, chuckling when Masaki dabs his cheek playfully.
When Masaki and Satoshi go to the kitchen to get everything they still need, Jun’s alone. It’s not cold, rather a warm spring evening, but Masaki is right. Better be careful, so he tugs the blanket around him and takes his book.
“Here.”
Jun looks up when Sho presses an ice-cold bottle with lychee juice against his temples. He cringes in surprise at the sudden cold. “Idiot,” he mumbles.
Sho laughs and sits down next to him. He points at the book in Jun’s lap. “Studying? Even now?”
Jun shrugs. “English Literature assignment. We are reading Shakespeare. It’s not really studying. I like Hamlet.”
“Jun-“ Sho teases. “Do you ever go out and just have fun?”
“Do you?” Jun bites back.
Sho grins.
Jun thinks he should probably tell him that he is going to Friday night parties at his classmates’ houses regularly, just so his brothers can feel relieved. But it’s not the right moment to say that, besides it’s not anyone else’s business but his. Sho said it himself a few weeks ago: Do things your pace.
For a moment Sho doesn’t say anything, just hums a melody while Jun skims through the book. It feels comfortable and relaxed. The sky is covered in stars already and the air is still warm.
“Jun, there is something…” Sho pauses, almost sounding nervous. “I need to tell you something important,” He suddenly starts again. “And I need you to listen.”
Jun blinks in surprise. It’s rare for Sho to speak like that, with that certain tone in his voice. It sounds important, so Jun angles for a blade of grass and puts it in the book, so that he can find the page again later. Then he puts it aside. “I’m listening,” he says curiously.
“Let my dreams be my issue,” Sho begins. Something inside Jun suddenly turns upside down. What the hell? Where does that come from? How did Sho possibly know…? It’s impossible. When Jun wants to say something to voice his surprise, Sho raises his hand in defence to stop him from speaking. “Let it be my problem. You think that I regret everything and that I wake up every morning and mourn for my dreams, but it’s not true. The moment Masaki, Satoshi and I changed everything after the accident happened, we did it with intent, we had a plan. And at that time we had a new, better dream. There is no happiness we could have achieved in our lives without having you and Kazu around. For us it was a miracle that you two survived. I’m not looking back at that time now and regret my decision. Actually I’m really happy that I did what I did. It’s true that I never wanted to study law, I remember a time when I laughed at all my classmates who wanted to become lawyers. But I’ve found a place within this job that I like. And part of my refusal was also because of my rebellious mind against our father. Yes, it was only my second choice, but I’m glad and lucky that I even had a second choice. Other people have nothing.”
Jun stares at Sho for a long while. The words are sinking down on him and he isn’t sure if he likes what he hears or if he doesn’t. If he should feel relieved or nervous. Can he even believe that? Or… “Kazu talked too much, didn’t he?” he says all of a sudden.
Sho chuckles. “He told Satoshi. And Satoshi told me.”
“There are really no secrets in this family.” Jun sighs.
“To be honest, I was really shocked when I heard about it. But the good thing is that I finally understand why you were so angry with me the last year. It must have been your subconscious working against me or your own guilty feeling. So, let me tell you once and for all: My decision to change my life is definitely and by no means your fault. Or Kazu’s. We did what he did because we wanted to do it. There would have been no remaining dreams for us, had we given you two up. Let that finally get into your stubborn head.” He smiles brightly. “If you don’t accept that offer from your headmaster although you want it so badly, we are never going to forgive ourselves,” Sho explains quietly. “You know that. You are smart enough to realize that it won’t make us happy if you decline an offer like that… because of us. That’s why you have only told Kazu and none of us.”
Something behind Jun’s eyelids burns slightly, so he turns his head and looks down at his left knee. There is an ant crawling over his foot. Sho pads his head softly and it feels strangely natural.
“And now?” Jun asks quietly. “What am I going to do now?”
“Your decision,” Sho says softly. “Your decision only.”
~~~
Sho gives him exactly ten minutes of time to recover, then Nagase and Yamaguchi return, and Sho grabs his elbow and pushes him up. “How about telling them now?” he asks sweetly. “They are here. What a coincidence.”
“You jerks,” Jun huffs. “This was planned, wasn’t it? I don’t like to be tricked, Sho.”
Sho’s lips tug, and at least he has the decency to look somewhat apologetic and embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Jun. You are right, there is a reason we invited Nagase-sensei over. We were afraid you would change your mind. Still what I said to you before is the entire truth.”
“Yes, but…” Jun frowns.
Sho touches his shoulder affectionately. “It’s not that I don’t understand your doubts and fears, but to decide something so big you need to be honest to yourself. If you don’t start taking your life into your own hands now, when will you?”
“You think I can do it alone?” Jun finally asks. “I mean, I’ve never been alone. You think I can handle it?”
“I’m one hundred percent certain you can. It’s more like…” Sho’s lips tug nervously. “… we are going to handle it a lot worse than you. Having one of the both of you not around will be difficult for us. We are probably having issues to let you two go on your own paths. This is our trauma from the accident the both of you had. We’ll always be over-protective. But it doesn’t matter in this case… This is your chance to finally do something for yourself, on your own. It’s going to be a wonderful experience,” Sho says warmly. “And if you feel bad, we’ll get you back immediately. And don’t think we won’t get you a ticket to come back for a visit! So what do you say?”
Yes, no. Damn it, that’s difficult. He wants to give it a try, like seriously. A few months ago he wouldn’t have been strong enough to even consider this here, let alone go through with it. But now he feels like he might be able to handle it. It feels like he could do it, like he is finally strong enough to do things on his own. “I’m still not certain…”
“Are you sure your pride and your fear aren’t getting into your way? Really, not at all?”
Jun wants to blurt out a no, but unfortunately his conscious gets the better of him, because of course his pride would get into his way. Fuck it. “I’m still mad,” he mumbles, but he can’t deny the tiny jump of happiness and the nervous tightening of his chest when he approaches Nagase-sensei. His teacher however gets the cue immediately. “Can’t be true,” he breathes out. “You are accepting? Finally, after years of work, a student in my class that made it so far!”
By this blunt and open happiness and joy coming from Nagase, Jun just forgets all of his own pride. “Thank you for your support. I’m of course accepting your offer. So, please bear with me a little longer, then,” he smiles. “Because you know I’m stubborn as hell.” Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see how Satoshi and Kazu grin a bit. He tries to throw them a glare, but judging by the way Kazu waves at him, he failed miserably with it.
Well at least he has a freeway ticket to sulking for the whole next day, at least in front of Satoshi and Sho. Masaki is mostly immune to someone being irritated, and Kazu is his friend… leaves only two of them.
“I’ve already braced myself inwardly for you being mad at us for playing this little trick on you.” Sho jokes when Masaki gets them something to drink and Jun bumps into Sho and Satoshi. “So, how about you tell us how we can bribe you into being all cool with us again?”
“Good idea,” Satoshi agrees casually. He opens his arms teasingly. “A hug for example?”
“Or we could go for a fancy dinner together next week,” Sho suggests happily, not even hiding his joy about the fact that someone in his family apparently is following a promising career.
The situation is so crazy that Jun just sighs and gives in. “You are really silly, you know that?”
“He is right.” Kazu joins their ridiculous discussion, gladly ganging up with Jun in that case. The old team is back. “At least apologize properly. Is this what happens when you guys drink too much?”
Sho smiles. “You have not yet seen me drunk, kid,” he says before patting Jun’s shoulder. “Okay, Kazu is right. Honestly? I’m really happy you accepted that offer. I’m sorry for setting you up, yes, but I’m still happy you accepted.”
“Oh my.” Jun sighs. “You… Fine,” he grins. “But we are going to have shabu shabu, fancy, and you’ll all behave well. Plus the next time we argue about something or miss our curfew, you won’t scold me or Kazu too much.”
Kazu grins. “Way to go, J. How about you also ask them to-”
Satoshi raises his hands, sighing dramatically. “Stop it right here,” he says earnestly, but his lips are tugging slightly in amusement. “You are getting away with your demands. But don’t push your luck too much.”
“Fine,” Jun says, more earnest than intended. “Don’t get into a fight now. I guess I needed a little push after all.”
Sho apparently caught his weird mood. “So, what is the remaining problem then?”
“I know it’s stupid.” Jun looks away nervously. “But what if I fail? What if I won’t do well? Wouldn’t that be a huge disappointment?” He almost expects the others to laugh, but none of them does. Kazu just shakes his head.
“Listen,” Sho says after a while, all serious again. “You go for that dream of yours, you try whole-heartedly, and in case you can’t make it happen – which I don’t believe by the way –, no one will be disappointed because we all know you gave it your best. But don’t give in to your doubts yet, just push forward and see what will happen.”
Jun nods. With that it’s settled.
~~~
“Finally!” Masaki cries out. He has drunk too much of his not-so-children-like fruit-champagne. There is also the light version of that drink for the underage people, hence Kazu and Jun are the only ones who are completely sober. “We should re-do that oath we did as kids!”
“That’s a good idea,” Sho agrees.
“The oath?” Jun blinks. “You mean that capsule you made when I and Kazu were still babies?”
“Yeah, it would be nice to do it now that you are actually almost adults too,” Satoshi sighs. “Though…You were so cute back then”
“Thanks for the reminder,” Kazu snorts. “And your obvious opinion that now we are not.”
“I think you are still cute!” Masaki chuckles happily. “When you are sulking, or Jun is slightly annoyed, or Kazu has that frown. And-“
“Can someone stop him please?” Kazu whines in desperation. “I don’t want to hear any of that.”
“But he is right,” Sho answers in his blunt honesty. “When Jun is grumpy at morning, or you lose at one of your weird games and sulk, or-“
“Just stop it!” Kazu demands, and Sho grins at him.
Then gladly Masaki decides it’s time for their fifth dessert as he gets the tray with the chocolate-fruits. The older ones are in such an unbelievably good mood that it feels almost like they are in some sort of cheesy movie.
“I’m hope I won’t regret this and fail.” Jun sighs.
“And if you do-“ Satoshi says softly. “You can at least always say that you tried. You are not regretting something you didn’t do. And that’s good.”
“We should celebrate some more!” Masaki demands and angles for the second bottle of champagne.
“Masaki?” Sho calls out in alarm. “Give me the bottle! You have had enough.” He jumps up, chasing after Masaki who is running around the bonfire with the bottle, much to Kazu’s and Jun’s amusement. When Satoshi decides to intervene too, grabbing Masaki’s waist to hold him down, all three of them drop down to the ground.
Kazu swiftly saves the bottle of champagne before they get hurt. Then he sits down next to Jun. “Are you mad at me for telling Satoshi?”
“No,” Jun says. “I’m not ready to thank you yet though, so don’t expect anything.”
Kazu smiles. “I knew you would say that. Guess I’m still lucky you let me get away with telling Sa-chan. You won’t stop telling me stuff now, will you?”
“I guess I won’t.” Jun sighs. “I see how this here was too important for you to stay quiet. So, I still trust you.”
“No secrets.” Kazu chuckles. “Pinky-swear. It weighs heavily.”
“Exactly why we should redo that oath,” Jun insists. “Also I would like to be an active part of it this time.”
“Me too, and I would love to see how Sho and Sa-chan dig a hole,” Kazu grins. “I wonder how fit they still are.”
They both chuckle slightly at that, watching their unique bunch of brothers continuing their bickering. It all feels well and full-hearted, finally after years.
A/N: So this is it. The official end of this multi-chapter. There will be an epilogue though. And I'm already thinking of a sequel ;-)
Thank you, all of you, who followed this multi-chapter and lots of sparkles and candies for all your lovely comments and encouraging words ♥ I hope you enjoyed this story up to its end *hugs-all-of-you*
