The taming of the shrew: Chapter 4 (Sakumoto)

[lilly0]

Title: The taming of the shrew: Chapter 4
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: R/NC-17 (not in every chapter though)
Beta: little_kirin
Genre: smut, romance, bit angst (no AU setting)
Plot: Is it love or hate or attraction? They share a history of ups and downs, from teenage crushes over not talking at all to accepting each other’s presence. Finally, six months ago, Sho approaches Jun, leading to them getting together. Unfortunately they can’t be in a room together without a fight. What they share though is passion, and the only time they get along is in bed. Then, during a drunk night when Jun vents out his anger, Ohno gives him the contact details of his therapist.
At the end, there remains the question: Who actually needs to tame who?
Note: This is going to have some passionate scenes, and will also contain the typical Sakumoto angst and quite some complicated feelings ^^ It was originally meant to have short chapters - some are a little longer though.


They talk about Toshida's last fishing trip with Ohno first. This man has an interestig way to talk about things, Jun thinks, capturing people with the way he talks calmly, his voice vibrating sometimes when he hits an interesting part of a story (like when Ohno accidentally dropped into the water). It's soothing. Toshida's voice is like the calm ocean.

Then it's Jun's turn though, and before he even knows what's happening he is already rambling on and on. Toshida listens to Jun’s report quietly and reads the diary entry in silence as well. Jun feels like a teenager again, nervously waiting for his results while fidgeting on his seat. “It is bad, right?” he asks, sounding miserable even to his own ears. “I mean, Sho-san thought he had forced me into having sex. And he was so nervous and looked so guilty. And it was just my fault that he looked that way. I never wanted him to believe he forced me into something. And-“

“Not at all,” Toshida interrupts his rambling and smiles slightly. “I’m surprised you really managed to go with all that in two weeks only. I thought you would have more trouble with the second part.”

“He looked so hurt,” Jun explains quietly, recalling the nervous and panicked expression in Sho’s eyes. “So worried. And I just had to hug him to show him that nothing like that happened, that it’s not his fault. Everything else came naturally.”

“I see.” Toshida smiles happily. “But it should make you think that the moment you started focusing on your feelings and on his, and tried to read his signs and see the lovable sides of him, and forgot to fight and argue – for a whole week, if I may add so – that you both got nervous over it. Isn’t it obvious that he is watching your signs too and is very attentive, secretly maybe? If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have noticed that you felt off.” He pauses, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Why don’t you bring him along?”

“No way,” Jun huffs.

“I knew you would say that,” Toshida grins. “Fine. I’ll offer it another time again, so be prepared. For now, how about we talk about your diary entry first. What do you think about it?”

Jun sighs deeply while he takes one of the chocolate-chip cookies Toshida offers him. This is his fourth meeting – telephone advice not included – and he has forgotten to feel embarrassed by now. “I wonder if it’s really normal to enjoy all that rather rough and angry sex,” he admits openly. “Sometimes I feel like I’m into this kind of love-making, and Sho-san might be too.” He muses. “Or BDSM. Do you think I should try that? Would that help?”

“I think it’s highly possible that you both enjoy it. But, I would not advise you to do it right now. Not yet,” Toshida says to Jun’s surprise.

Jun blinks in confusion. “Why not?”

“Do you know the most important things about BDSM?”

“Safety,” Jun muses. “Equal wishes.”

“What else?” Toshida wants to know.

“Setting on what you like, safe words.” Jun pauses, trying to remember all the details he read about this topic. He isn’t too knowledged about it, to be honest, everything he does with Sho comes rather naturally. When a thought hits him all of a sudden, he blushes though.

Toshida probably realises it because he looks at him expectantly. “And?” he pushes him.

“Trust,” Jun says quietly. Toshida doesn’t say anything, and his silence comes crushing down on Jun like someone just threw a brick on his head. “I don’t trust him,” Jun hears himself say to his own shock. “I don’t trust Sho-san. And I don’t trust myself.”

That is one hell of a revelation. To imagine he has been with Sho for months now, and didn’t realize that he has no faith in him or rather in them together. In their relationship. That is some heavy shit to take. The sight in front of Jun’s eyes gets blurry, and Toshida hands him a handkerchief with awfully colorful flowers on it. Looks like someone vomitted the color on it. “It’s okay,” the man says softly. “Just let it out. That’s why you are here after all.”

It’s true. He doesn’t need to hide anything here, probably the reason why Ohno set him up with his therapist anyway.

“I’m such a horrible person,” he mumbles after he cried for what felt like half an hour.

“You are not!” Toshida insists. “And I don’t want to hear you saying something like that again.”

Jun smiles slightly, blows his nose and nods. Toshida meanwhile provides him with Agamame and Teriyaki-chicken. “My adorable wife made these,” he explains maybe to distract Jun a little. “Leftovers. She is happy when it gets eaten.”

Jun sighs. “Must be nice to be someone like you, who is just perfect and can deal with relationship problems so easily.”

Toshida blinks for a second, then he almost doubles over in laughter.

Jun doesn’t even try to hide his irritation. “Did I say something funny?”

“Oh my dear boy,” Toshida giggles like mad. “If I had a penny every time my wife reprimands me for using therapy strategies on her and gets annoyed at me… I would be a millionaire by now. No one is perfect, and something like a perfect relationship doesn’t exist. So-“ he takes a deep breath. “Tell me, did Sho-san once do anything? Betrayed your trust?"

Jun wants to answer to this question, he really does, but he can't. It's like something is blocking his tongue, preventing him from spilling it all out and lay it open in front of Toshida. He is almost scared that he just can't say it. Why can't he? It should be easy... it's his therapist after all, and he has learned to be relaxed and open around him. Why can't he tell him what happened?

"Jun-san," Toshida says softly. "It's okay." His tone is soothing and calm like the ocean. He hands Jun some pictures, photos, of him and his wife at the sea. "Which one should I pick for the living room?" he asks casually. "Which one should I put on the wall?"

Jun is surprised, so much that he almost automatically points at one beautiful picutre at the sunset, a boat in the background, and the ocean calm and soothing. It's only then that Jun realizes his hands are shivering and he is sweating. He lets out a breath. "Thank you," he mumbles tiredly once he realizes that Toshida just saved him from a pathetic panic attack. Now that would have been a new low, really.

Toshida takes the pictures and nods. "This one is truly beautiful," he muses. "Thank you for your help," he adds, like it was Jun who helped him and not the other way round. He puts fresh tea into their cups. "Let’s change our approach for today… How about you tell me, what you think is good about Sho?”

“His good sides?” Jun asks, and when Toshida nods, he refelcts for a moment. It’s easy, he thinks, Sho has many good sides, starting from his earnestness and dedication, to his intelligence and how he always puts himself full-heartedly into everything, how he works and tries hard in everything he does. Before Jun knows he has rambled for like thirty minutes, blushing slightly when he realizes the look in Toshida’s eyes. “I sound like a fanboy, don’t I? Oh, dear, like at that time when I was a teenager.” Something inside Jun tugs painfully. It’s an old feeling, something horrible he has buried deep inside. He is not ready to let it out though. Toshida through him an inscrutable glance, but to Jun’s relief he doesn’t dig any further at the moment. Instead he smiles.

“I think you sound like you are in love. But don’t you think it’s weird that you describe him as such a dedicated person, someone who doesn’t do things half-heartedly… and still you doubt him to be in love with you?”

It is weird, of course it is.


~~~


Toshida, that idiot, has pushed several buttons at once during their last meeting. Oh my god. Of course it led to Toshida asking something Jun should have been prepared for for a while now, still it came as a surprise. Trust. He wonders how he should work on that.

Jun feels off the next day at rehearsals. It’s not that he feels irritated or annoyed, things that normally let his temper shine through. Not at all. He rather feels extremely tired and exhausted, like someone punched him right in his stomach several times. He tries to cover it up, he is professional after all, but he knows that at least Nino looks right through him. He is playing on his 3DS, but every now and then he looks at Jun through these thoughtful eyes of his. After a while he even shoots Sho some dangerous glares - like little spiky daggers - like he almost expects him to be at fault for Jun being so down, but Sho’s look is obviously too perplexed too. And Nino blinks in surprise.

“Aiba and I are heading to that udon restaurant,” Ohno says when they are finished. “Are you guys coming too?”

“You invite me?” Nino asks teasingly.

Ohno rolls his eyes. “You earn enough money to pay for yourself .”

“This coming from the guy who lets his mother buy his underwear,” Nino teases. But when Ohno just shrugs – as most of the time he doesn’t give in to any provocation – Nino gives in too and packs his belongings. He throws a meaningful glance towards Sho, making Jun frown a bit. What the hell did that glance mean right now? Did they talk about something beforehand? “You’ll join us later?” Nino asks, and apparently presents the perfect excuse for them on a silver plate.

Sho smiles but it’s a strained smile. “Yeah, I need to make a few calls.”

“Awesome,” Nino says, grabs his bag, and throws his arms around Ohno’s and Aiba’s shoulder so that they have no chance to ask Jun if he wants to join them. After all those years it’s not that difficult to read Nino, and Jun can’t help but sigh at this attempt to set him and Sho up. When their friends have left, he and Sho are engulfed in silence.


A/N: Somehow it seems to be diffiuclt to decide if Jun should tell Sho he is seeing a therapist or not. One one side, he might be angry when he hides it from him, on the other maybe disappointed that Jun consults with a stranger?

Oh, and Toshida-sensei slowly starts to touch on more sensitive subjects, and Jun is alreay panicking!