Me without you Chapter 8 (Junba, Sakumiya)

[lilly0]

Title: Me without you 8/?
Pairing: Junba (main!), Sakumiya, Ohno/?, others possible
Rating: up to R
Genre: AU, romance
Plot: Although they are both young students at college, both the youngest brothers within three, and both part of high society, there are worlds between Jun and Masaki. Jun comes from a rich, traditional and conservative family, while Masaki's family gained wealth and fame by luck. Masaki is cheerful and enjoys life to the fullest. Jun is unusually earnest and distanced. Although part of the same glamorous world, their paths would have never crossed, they would have never even talked, but then Masaki's brothers decide he needs to catch up with his studies, and hire Jun as his tutor. With being so different it seems they will never get closer, until they realize that they both hold a sad secret.
Note: This is dedicated to yukitsubute. I had (and still have) a lot of fun writing this, and I wonder where it takes me to. I can promise you some fluff, some fun and some drama (the usual ^^) There might even be some hurt & comfort.



“Oh my god,” Takuya breaths out, before his mind goes completely blank and he can only stare at the person lying next to him.

Shingo blinks slightly. “You are awake,” he mumbles tiredly, and wraps his arm around Takuya tighter.

“What… I mean,” Takuya takes a deep breath, forcing his brain into a functioning mode again. “Did we really… We didn’t…” he pauses, glimpses of last night slowly slipping into his mind again. He went out with Higashiyama before Shingo joined them, and Higashiyama bolted, and he and Shingo ended up with lots of food and even more drinks, alone. They changed location at one point, and… then his memory gets clouded. He just remembers how they came to his apartment. Blank. Arms around his body. Blank. Shingo is lying on top of him. Blank. He is lying on top of Shingo. Blank. “We did,” he states, trying to stop his blood from boiling.

“Yes,” Shingo says light-heartedly. “And it was awesome.” He blinks. “Well, I can’t really remember, but usually I’m a sex god, so I’m sure it was awesome. Especially with someone as awesome as you.”

Takuya tries to regather his senses, but he can’t. Not when Shingo lies next to him and pretends like nothing unusual happened. “You don’t find it weird?”

“I have a crush on you since forever,” Shingo yawns and snuggles against his pillow, his arm still around Takuya’s waist.

“Are you always that outspoken?” Takuya asks in mere disbelief.

“Hm,” Shingo mumbles tiredly. “Let’s do the difficult talk tomorrow. I don’t want you to leave, Takuya-san, so let’s just sleep here next to each other tonight.”

Shingo doesn’t define if he doesn’t want Takuya to leave now or not at all, but his words sound so honest that Takuya doesn’t want to break his heart by just throwing him out of his apartment. He doesn’t want to be that cruel.

When Shingo’s breath starts to even out, Takuya stares at the ceiling. He feels how his stomach rumbles and clenches, this wasn’t supposed to happen. It’s true that Shingo annoyed him, his outgoing and straight-forward cheerfulness and casualness did, but he is a good guy. A really good guy. And Takuya has sworn to himself to never start something with a good guy. Never. It’s not going to end well.

~~~

Jun isn’t all that sure why he panicked like that, and why he pushed Masaki away. He knows Masaki isn’t playing any games… though his change of mind about him is confusing. Does he hate him or like him? What is it now? Masaki is nice, he is a good guy, good-looking, sweet and with these soft brown eyes that go right into Jun’s heart. He knows Masaki isn’t playing him. Still, his heart hammers against his chest like madly, and he feels like he runs out of air. He is just not cut out for this.

Before he can leave the weird garage behind though by getting into a taxi, he feels a warm hand wrapping around his wrist. When he turns around he sees into well-known brown, soft eyes. “Don’t leave,” Masaki begs softly. “Please don’t leave. I’m not playing. I didn’t want to jump you out of the blue.”

“Don’t!” Jun yells in sudden anger. He isn’t even sure where his wrath comes from, but all he can do is push Masaki away. “You don’t know anything about me, why are you even trying so hard? Just leave me alone! Having you around drives me crazy. You are always so friendly and cheerful, it’s not normal. No one can be like that! One day something is going to destroy your smile, and you and everything you are.”

To his surprise Masaki doesn’t yell back or reacts to the horrible things he just said to him. He just wraps his arms around Jun’s neck, pulling him into a strong embrace. “You are not going to destroy me or anything I am,” Masaki says softly, to Jun’s surprise twisting the words in exactly the way he originally wanted to say them. “If anything you’ll enrichen my life and make me see and accept things about myself I would have never seen otherwise.”

Why isn’t he mad? Why the hell is he still so friendly and warm. “It’s not good, Masaki-san,” Jun stutters much to his own surprise. “I’m not cut out for this.”

“For what?” Masaki asks in surprise, not letting go of Jun’s wrist until the taxi finally drove away.

Jun shrugs, not sure what to answer. Feelings? Relationships? He doesn’t even know what all this crap means. Masaki lets go of his wrist, just to reach out his hands and take his face between them. Jun takes a step closer, leaning into Masaki’s touch, enjoying how warm his hands feel. “I enjoy getting to know you,” Masaki says all of a sudden. “I know it makes no sense and to you it probably feels like I’m just some completely weird maniac who has a breakdown at the toilet and like two days later makes a move on you. But, I want to get to know you. I would love to be your friend. Is this okay for you?”

With the hopeful way Masaki looks at him, there is no way Jun could say no now. Besides, he doesn’t want to turn him down anyways. “It is,” he says. For a moment it seems like Masaki is about to kiss him again, but then he withdraws slightly. Jun isn’t all that sure if he is relieved or sad about it.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Masaki asks, entwining his fingers with Jun’s.

Jun smiles. “Yes.”

“I’m just writing Nino a message so that he won’t wait for us.”

“Is it really okay?” Jun asks, suddenly feeling worried. They have completely forgotten about Nino. But to his relief Masaki nods and tells him about their friend from the band and that Nino won’t be alone.

For the first time in a long while Jun actually feels relaxed and warm, and expectant of something. He doesn’t even know where this story with Masaki is leading him to, but he wants to find it out, and that’s an entirely new feeling for him.

They don’t talk much, and when they do they talk about general stuff. It seems like Masaki slowly tries to find out his interests and his hobbies, and his preferences. Jun is surprised by how sensitive he actually is and how he doesn’t act completely blunt and straight-forward. This knew-found knowledge makes his heart swell.

The way to Jun’s home is around three hours, still they walk it. Once they are in front of the entrance door and Jun looks for his keys, Masaki looks at him in worry. “It got really late, and we didn’t tell anyone from our families. They will be worried. Are you going to be alright?”

Jun smiles. “Don’t worry.”

“But they might yell at you.”

“Maybe,” Jun explains. “We all have a short temper. It’s a family issue. But they are nice. They are nice guys, Masaki-kun, I’ll explain it to them. I’m not scared of my brothers.”

“Really?” Masaki seems surprised. “But you said you hardly talk and, well…”

“They work a lot, and we kind of…” Jun tilts his head. “We lost sight of each other over the last two years, but believe me when I say that they are trying hard. I love them. Don’t worry about them.”

“Is there something else I need to worry about?” Masaki asks surprising Jun by how sharp his mind works.

“Nothing that still exists,” Jun says with a wary smile.

Masaki seems to be a bit surprised, but doesn’t ask anything more. “Maybe I should rather worry about my own brothers,” he suddenly jokes.

“Really?” Jun chuckles. “But Shingo-san and Satoshi-san seem so laidback.”

“They are, but they are also always worried about me and busybodies.” Masaki grins. “I’ll think of an excuse why I’m so late, so that they won’t bother me with too many questions.” He pauses. “Say, Jun-kun?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want to meet? I mean.” Masaki blushes. “I mean, just the two of us. And not for studying. We could go for lunch or dinner. Or watch a movie. Or I don’t know, meet for a video’s night.”

Jun’s heart jumps yet again. Masaki doesn’t call it a date, but it has to be something close to it, right? To be honest, a few hours ago he was still wondering about Masaki’s sudden change of mood, but his own is similar weird. Befriending Masaki sounded so scary, and now he suddenly wants to have him close? “I’m all alone at home on Tuesday,” Jun offers, again much to his own surprise. “My brothers both work long and asked me to watch the house, so maybe you want to drop by and watch some movies?”

Masaki’s eyes light up, and he grins brightly. “Yes, I want to!”

Jun smiles, his heart skipping slightly when he realizes that Masaki waits until he closes the door behind him. Inwardly he prepares himself for being yelled at by a short-tempered and distressed Sho or being scolded by a much more composed but equally angry Takuya. To his surprise though, there is nothing.

He blinks, taking his phone and noticing a missed message from Takuya there. He isn’t coming home tonight at all. And Sho? Apparently he has left a note on the kitchen counter, telling Jun he would work really long tonight.

Well, that was easy. Everything is as usual, it seems.

Jun sighs, taking off his clothes and putting them into the washing machine. They smell from the smoke in the garage. He showers properly before retreating to his room and dropping down on his bed.

He doesn’t know how long he lies there without moving. Pretty long, it seems, because he only shifts around when he hears the beeping noise of his phone. It’s a message from Masaki. Woah, Satoshi was so pissed, but I told him I was studying with you and we lost track of the time. So pathetic. I never lie.

Jun smiles slightly. I think it’s okay once in a while? He offers.

Masaki answers by sending a smiley. For you I would lie to them every day.

Jun blushes slightly when he reads the message, snuggling against his pillow with a chuckle. Cheesy, but cute.

Jun sleeps without being haunted by a headache this night, and it’s only the next morning that he realizes he finally slept well, for the first time since probably years.


~~~


“Unbelievable, you can cook?” Shingo asks, totally stunned. Takuya gives a lot of images, being someone who cooks is not one of them.

Takuya blinks. “Why are you so surprised?”

“You look too high-class to cook” Shingo tells him bluntly, and much to his surprise Takuya suddenly chuckles.

“I’m not too high-class to look,” Takuya argues, apparently really amused. It’s the first time Shingo actually sees him casual and with a real smile. “I’m not sure what kind of image you have of me. But you should rather push me down of this pedestal you put me on, because I’m only half as great as you think I am.”

“Really?” Shingo asks in interest, grinning. “Then what’s not so great about you.”

“For one, I have a horrible temper,” Takuya explains randomly. “Worse than Jun and worse than Sho. You should have seen me with twenty.”

“Is that all?” Shingo asks, trying to sound as unimpressed as possible.

“I’m not telling you all my bad at once,” Takuya says while he cuts vegetables.

“At once.” Shingo smiles slightly at the meaning of what Takuya just said, probably without noticing it himself. “So you are planning on telling me more over time?”

Takuya puts the vegetables into a pan before putting the knife to the side, leaning against the kitchen counter now. “Shingo-san,” he starts carefully, in a voice Shingo knows well enough to know what it means. This time though he doesn’t understand it. He got dumped a few times, out of reasons he could follow, but this time… They get along, they feel attracted to each other. Why? What’s the problem?

“I know, you pretend to find me annoying,” Shingo decides to be straight-forward. “But I thought it’s our thing. You know, you pretending to hate my antics, and I getting on your nerves even more. I thought it’s just our game.”

“It is,” Takuya admits. And. “You aren’t annoying.”

Shingo sighs inwardly in relief. “But you don’t find me attractive enough?”

Takuya chuckles. “Are you kidding? Did you look into the mirror once?”

“Then I’m too heavy,” Shingo argues, deciding to lighten up the tension a bit. “You are afraid when I lie on top of you and make love to you that I’ll squash you to death. If that’s a problem, I don’t mind lying beneath you. You are lighter than I am. No problem here.”

Takuya bites down on his lip, still a laugh is escaping his mouth, and it sounds so beautiful that it makes Shingo’s body tingle. Shingo gets up, walking closer to the tall beautiful man. It’s the first time he actually met someone who is as tall as himself, and he likes it very much to talk to someone who is not afraid to look him in the eye.

“What do you even like about me?” Takuya wants to know. “If it’s just my look, I have to tell you that I’m difficult as hell.”

“Your eyes,” Shingo answers, suddenly feeling nervous. “You have the most stunning and intense eyes I have ever seen. Did you know that they change their colour depending on your mood? You have the most expressive eyes, like a door to a different world. I love your seriousness and how you always do things wholeheartedly and with effort. You are graceful in everything you do. And you are surprisingly kind without showing your kindness to others, but it shows in your actions, although you think it doesn’t. You know a lot about all kind of things, and I find that really attractive about a person, and you-“

Before he can continue Takuya has covered his mouth with his hand. His cheeks are flushed, much to Shingo’s surprise. He has never seen the other embarrassed. He has known Takuya since a long while, everyone his age and with a similar wealthy background has. When he studied at university, as a poor student back then, he knew Takuya was at the top of his classes all the time, and everyone badmouthed him for having money and for coming from a privileged and very traditional family, with a name that weighed a lot. But Shingo knew that Takuya was deathly serious with his studies and did everything with effort. Also he has heard him talking sometimes to his colleagues and to his professors, and he never lacked respect. Everyone talked about him, not always nice, but most of them had a crush on him. Shingo has never imagined to get to know him for real, but at the dinner party his luck was on his side. And then it leaded him to Takuya’s bedroom – though he can’t remember how – and to this situation here. He didn’t lie when he said he has the biggest crush ever on Takuya. He always had.

“Why,” Shingo starts softly. “Why can’t you be with me?”

“I’ve promised myself,” Takuya says earnestly, resting his hands on Shingo’s hips. “to never get into a real relationship. And with you I can’t just start a harmless fling. You are honest and good, and you deserve more than just a loose relationship.”

Shingo tilts his head. “It’s true that I want more, but to be honest, for the time being even a loose relationship sounds good enough.” He smirks. “I’m positive I’m going to make you like me so much that you won’t be able to live without me.”

Takuya sighs. “You deserve better.”

“Listen, I know we can’t be a normal couple,” Shingo insists. “But I would love if we could hang out and at least try to be something – whatever it is – because for me you are the one.”

“It’s unbelievable how you can say stuff like that without sounding desperate or cheesy,” Takuya states much to Shingo’s amusement.  “And that’s exactly the problem. I… I’m going to destroy you.”

“Why? Tell me,” Shingo says softly. “Please.”

Takuya sighs and turns away from Shingo and back to his pan. “You know we have different mothers, right? Jun’s mother is not mine and Sho’s.”

Shingo nods, he has heard this rumour plenty of times.

“My father had two wives,” he finally continues, and Shingo blinks. He hasn’t expected to receive an answer. Takuya talks in a matter-of-fact tone, and something in Shingo’s stomach twists slightly in worry. What he says is going to be difficult enough to recite it like a boring text. “One of them he hated. And one of them he loved too much. He lost the one to an illness he provoked, and the other to suicide.”

Shingo blinks in confusion. It feels like Takuya told him nothing and everything at once now. “I…I’m not sure if I understand,” he admits honestly. Takuya doesn’t say more though, and Shingo takes a wild guess that he stepped out of his box already to even tell him what he did. “Can I help you with cooking?” he says after a while.

“Hm, you can set the table.” Takuya says like they never had that weird talk.

Shingo sniffs curiously. “It really smells nice,” he says with a grin. “As I said, never imagined you would be a good cook.”

“My little brother is better,” Takuya says with a smile.

“Sho-san?”

Takuya laughs, openly, and again it makes Shingo look up from his work in amazement. It makes him realize that he wants to see Takuya like this a lot more, and that he wants to get to know this other sides of him.

“I was talking about Jun. Sho can’t cook to save his life,” Takuya states with a soft smile as always when he is talking about his brothers.

Shingo nods. He doesn’t tell it Takuya, but he has made up his mind. He is definitely not going to leave. And he knows Takuya is not cruel enough to just throw him out of his life like that. He is Mr. persistent after all. Before Takuya knows it he will have committed to him.


~~~


Nino puts his controller aside. He has beaten Masaki twice now, and it gets boring to play against him. They have met at Nino’s place this time. He is living with his mother as his parents are divorced, but she is travelling a lot, so, most of the time, he is alone. He doesn’t really mind though, he has a good relationship with both his parents and they earn a decent amount of money, so he has a comfortable life. Not as comfortable as Masaki’s but still, a good life.

Masaki is cooking ramen for them now and produces the biggest mess possible in the kitchen. It’s so fascinating to Nino that Masaki doesn’t lose orientation in the mess he always produces. Now he is cutting some meat for them.

“I’ve kissed Jun.”

This announcement comes so out of a sudden and out of nowhere that Nino needs more than a few seconds to even understand it. Then he freezes in his movement. “WHAT!?” he breaths out. “You kissed? And you are still alive? And you are at my place since three fucking hours and only tell me now!?”

“Sorry,” Masaki says in a small voice.

“I mean, I realized the mood was kinda good at the concert,” Nino admits. “But that good!? Wow!”

“It was just one kiss, and I was the one taking the first step. He kissed me back, then he got mad,” Masaki explains hastily.

“And then?” Nino asks breathlessly. It’s like listening to a romance dorama story, really.

“I was shocked first and kind of sad that he thought I was playing games, but then I ran after him, and… well… we talked a bit.” Masaki smiles. “And hugged. And we walked to his place.”

“So you are a couple now?” Nino asks curiously.

“I don’t think so,” Masaki admits. “I would like to be one, but… I’m not sure if he wants to.”

“Friends?”

“That’s not really the right term either.” Masaki puts the meat into the soup. “I… think I need to be patient. I mean, I shouldn’t push too much. If I push him into being in a relationship with me, he will run. I need to give him some time.”

That’s a wise thing, Nino agrees silently. “And you like him?” he asks softly.

“It was pretty obvious, huh?” Masaki says with a chuckle.

“By the way you exploded in the restroom?” Nino teases. “More than obvious.”

They both laugh, and Masaki doesn’t even deny it much to Nino’s relief. He wants Masaki to be happy and if Jun makes him happy, then that’s perfectly alright. He listens a bit to Masaki’s explanations about what he finds so great about Jun, before he pads back to the living room and drops down on his sofa. He eyes his phone, surprised to see a message there.

It’s from a number he hasn’t expected to ever get a call or a message from. Of course when Sho gave him his business card, Nino gave him his contacts too. But… His heart beats faster when he opens it.

Hello Kazunari-kun, I’m sorry for writing you out of the blue. But… What did you mean, when you said “I need all your help”?

Nino’s eyes widen. So Sho indeed heard what he said back then when they picked up Jun, and he took it to heart? He wonders what to answer before he just goes with the flow and decides to be honest. I just thought, you probably love and understand your brother but can’t get it across.

He closes his eyes, hoping he didn’t go too far, when he receives an answer. So, can you help?



A/N: Both Takuya and Jun dropped some family background information. Takuya more than Jun though. And both Shingo and Masaki are very persistent. :D
Finally Nino seems to be huge step closer too :D Sho-san asks him for help after all ;-)