Shattered Smile: Chapter 4

[lilly0]

Title: Shattered Smile Chapter 4
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG-13 (for now?)
Genre: romance, hurt&comfort
Plot: Young and ambitious medicine student Sho gets hired by wealthy Matsumoto-san to tutor his 19-year old son Jun. Jun spent months in hospital, they say, but now wants to get into a college. Soon Sho realizes that tutoring Jun is not all he needs to do. Jun seems to be broken, hiding from the world and not even opening up to his family anymore. I want to see him smile again, his father said, but no one tells Sho anything about what happened to Jun... It's incredible hard to put the broken pieces together again but Sho wants to try.
Note: This is my belated birthday story for cielmelodies . I'm sorry it's soooo late!! I hope you will like it! Jun is like a lost puppy that needs to be cuddled.

Sometimes Jun just stares out of the window for hours. During these hours it seems like he doesn’t hear anything or sees anyone. He is in his own world then, a world Sho doesn’t know how to enter. All he can do is carefully drape a blanket over Jun’s shoulders then to keep him from catching a cold and sitting next to him.

 

“I used to love to feel the wind in my face,” Jun mumbles all of a sudden.

 

Sho leans forward to understand better. “What do you mean?” he asks softly.

 

“Nothing,” Jun says quietly.

 

“You can still feel the wind in your face,” Sho argues, not ready to let Jun remain in this destructive mood. “We can go outside any time.”

 

Jun shakes his head. “It will never be the same again.” He shifts around a bit, wincing when he knocks his leg against the table.

 

Sho is at his side immediately. “Does your leg hurt?” He brushes over Jun’s calves carefully.

 

“It’s okay.” Jun looks away in embarrassment. “It’s… everytime I have my rehab, it hurts more, and then it gets better.”

 

“Such things need time,” Sho says softly. “Remember, three weeks ago you couldn’t go outside without your crutches, and now you can go on your own. And before that you needed a wheelchair.”

 

“I can’t get up the stairs,” Jun says bitterly. “The stairs are the worst. As long as I can’t go up or down without crutches, I won’t make any progress.”

 

So it’s the next step his physical therapist is working towards with him. Of course climbing up and down stairs is more difficult for someone whose body has been broken like Jun’s. Sho hasn’t quite thought about it yet, but now that he does, he realizes that simple fun things like swimming or taking the bicycle are nothing Jun can do now. Didn’t Nino tell him that Jun used to be sportive?

 

Sho’s thoughts halt for a moment. Swimming…  “Say, Jun-kun, are you allowed to swim?”

 

“I can go into water, yes,” Jun says. “Water makes the muscles feel lighter.”

 

“Great!” Sho’s eyes gleam. “On weekend the weather is supposed to be good! We are going to the lake. The last time you said there is a waterfall close by! I want to see it, and we can swim there!”

 

Jun blushes, apparently only realizing now how much he just told Sho. Sho however is happy that Jun is slowly sharing things with him, without even noticing it. “I can’t bother you like this,” Jun stutters.

 

“Of course you can!” Sho smirks. “I want to show off my hot swim-pant-body anyways.”

 

Jun’s lips tug. But as always he holds back any smile, like he is scared of smiling. “You are doing so much, Sho-kun,” he says after a while, sounding guilty. “Too much.”

 

“Why are you always holding back? We are friends, aren’t we?” Sho asks dumbfounded.

 

Jun’s eyes widen. “Are we?” he stutters.

 

Sho pokes Jun’s forehead teasingly. “You can’t be that dense, can you?” he teases, making Jun blush. “I think you are actually even the only friend I have.”

 

Jun looks at him in surprise. “You don’t have many friends?” he asks, apparently curiosity winning over his shyness. “But you are so smart and nice and caring.”

 

Sho blushes at Jun’s compliments.  “I’ve always been hard to handle as a friend,” he admits openly. “In school I was short-tempered, and I didn’t have much patience. And I always studied, I didn’t put any effort into friendships. Until I started college.” He smiles, looking at Jun openly. “You have made me realize how important friends are.”

 

“But you are here because my father pays you,” Jun mumbles.

 

“I’m tutoring you because your father pays me,” Sho explains with a chuckle. “It’s true that he told me to try to make you smile more. But I’m not supposed to hang out with you all day long.” He looks at Jun nervously. “I would like to remain your friend, even when you are moving back to the city and I’m not living with you anymore. I don’t want to come to you just to tutor you.”

 

Jun looks at him through his big eyes, his eyelashes fluttering slightly, then he nods and smiles. It’s the first genuine smile Sho actually sees from him. It’s over as fast as it appeared, but at least Sho has seen it now, and he knows he is going to try everything to make it reappear.

 

~~~

 

There are photos around the house, not many though, and when Sho asks Masaki and Nino about it when they go out one night (with Jun again staying at home. This time though Jun is more honest towards him, and tells him he isn’t ready. Still, Sho can feel the reluctance and sadness in his voice, and he wanted to stay with him and cancel on the others. But Jun didn’t let him), Masaki tells him they have basically put a lot of photos away not to unsettle Jun by seeing his former appearance.

 

“Was there something wrong with Jun before?” Sho asks carefully.

 

“Nothing was wrong with Jun,” Nino grumbles. “His family just had too high expectations!”

 

Sho looks at him in surprise. It’s all in Jun’s head, Matsumoto said once, but Sho doubts it is true. Maybe now it is just in his head, but actions led to it. Matsumoto himself is trying so hard to make Jun happy again, he even told Sho that he could do anything he wants to, even travel, as long as Jun is going to smile again. “Did Jun and his father not get along before?” he asks, not able to hide his curiosity.

 

“Not at all,” Masaki says.

 

“J always thought that his father preferred Satoshi over him, way over him,” Nino explains.

 

“And Jun and Satoshi?”

 

“Sa-chan is not a bad guy,” Nino explains with a smile. “He always protected Jun.”

 

“Brother complex,” Masaki giggles.

 

“So what happened between them?”

 

The two exchange a glance, then they shrug helplessly. “Honestly we don’t know. Jun doesn’t talk to anyone, you know that already.” Nino looks towards Masaki. “And Sa-chan…”

 

“Feels guilty?” Masaki says, but it rather sounds like he is just guessing.

 

Sho listens to them in awe. “Matsumoto-san is always trying so hard to make Jun-kun smile and be happy. He is always positive and in a good mood.”

 

“He is now,” Masaki says quietly. “He changed a lot.”

 

“As for him trying to make J happy, you know more about that than us,” Nino points out. “I haven’t seen J since months. Ever since he got out of hospital.” He nibbles at his chopsticks. “I want to see him so badly,” he finally admits, and sounds sad. “I miss him so much. I know he needs time, and he lost so much during this night. So much, but still…”

 

Sho is slowly fed up with all the hints everyone gives him, can’t they just tell him what happened? It seems to him that Jun himself tells him much more than anyone else. His anger flies away though when he sees how Nino’s caramel-coloured eyes are clouded in worry. “I can only try,” Sho hears himself say. “I can only try, but maybe I will try to find a way for him to meet you. I know he wants to. He feels lonely. I don’t know why he locks himself in, but once I found out, I might be able to find a way out for him.”

 

“Yes,” Masaki smiles, squeezing Sho’s arm. “You are the only one who seems to get through to him.”

 

Nino nods too. “We are counting on you, Sho-san.”

 

Sho nods. He is not going to let them down. Moreover he is not going to let Jun down.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Sho isn’t sure what he expected, but he is certain he didn’t expect Satoshi to look so nice. He is smaller built than Jun, radiating calmness like a Buddha statue. His features are not as stunning as Jun’s, but he is pretty, and he has a pair of soft eyes.

 

This is Jun’s older brother. The one – Nino said – who got favoured.

 

“You look surprised,” Satoshi smiles after they greeted and introduced themselves to each other.

 

Sho feels a bit embarrassed. “Well, I didn’t know what to expect.”

 

“You expected a tall, rough-looking guy. Someone you think would walk over everything and everyone?” Satoshi asks, he sounds amused and casual, and not upset, which makes it easy for Sho to admit everything.

 

“Kind of,” he chuckles. “But I’m happy you seem to be so kind. Others have told me you have a brother complex.”

 

Satoshi blushes. “Jun is my cute little brother, everyone wants to protect their little brothers.”

 

Sho laughs slightly. He doubts this rule applies for everyone.

 

“Thank you,” Satoshi says all of a sudden. “My father told me what you did for us up to now, and for Jun.” He sighs. “Although I think he won’t be ready to see me yet.”

 

“He hasn’t met you until now?” Sho asks in surprise.

 

“Not on his own will,” Satoshi admits. “Now you are surprised, aren’t you? What did the older brother do to his little brother for him to not even want to see him?”

 

He is right, Sho indeed wonders about it. He almost can’t believe it. But he realizes Satoshi is right, because Jun doesn’t appear in the salon to have tea with his family, instead Aiba-san tells them Jun excused himself to rest a bit. Sho is also surprised that both of them accept it. Satoshi looks sad, after all his brother hasn’t even greeted him, and Matsumoto looks worried too, but none of them actually stands up to face Jun directly.

 

They could, Sho thinks, just stand up and knock at his door. It’s not like Jun locks his door, he is also not a sulky teenager who yells and closes doors loudly. It’s like just as Jun seems to punish himself by locking himself out, his family does the same, punishing themselves and living in the belief that their youngest family member hates them.

 

This is messed up. Sho eats his piece of cake thoughtfully, wondering what he should do with this situation. He is sure Jun will hide in his room as long as Satoshi is here. Out of unknown (unknown to Sho, because everyone else seems to know) reasons, he doesn’t want to face his older brother. Sho shoves another spoonful of chocolate cake into his mouth, and decides he will do what he always does here, namely talk to Jun.

 

~~~

 

Jun looks tired and pale when he opens the door to his room, but his eyes light up a bit when he sees Sho.

 

“Here,” Sho waves with a plate with a piece of cake in front of Jun’s nose.

 

Jun sighs. “I’m not hungry,” he says, shifting around nervously.

 

“That’s no problem. I will leave it on your desk. You can eat it whenever you are hungry.” Sho grins brightly. “Just leave place for dinner.”

 

“For dinner?” Jun stutters.

 

“Yes,” Sho smiles. “I’m looking forward to having dinner with you tonight. And I have heard Aiba-san has ordered the kitchen to prepare all the specialities of this house. You need to explain them all to me.”

 

Jun looks torn, and Sho does feel a bit bad. Just a tiny bit though. He knows he is basically giving Jun no chance to back out of this dinner. But then, he doesn’t want to accept that Jun hides from his family and friends all the time. If the others accept it, it’s clearly their problem and their fault, but he won’t.

 

“Okay,” Jun agrees quietly.

 

“Great.” Sho looks around. The sun is shining. “Do you want to go for a short walk?” he offers. “Just a few steps.” He waves with his poem book. “I brought this along too.”

 

Jun nods, looking almost motivated. “Of course.”

 

 

~~~

 

Sho wisely picks Jun up only two hours before dinner. He has planned for their walk and combined lesson to last long enough for Jun not to be able to hide in his room. So when they return and just go to the bathroom and plan on switching their clothes, Sho tells Jun he will wait for him so that they can go to the salon together. He doesn’t want Jun to overthink the dinner tonight. 

 

And it indeed works. Jun is not backing out, although he looks pale and nervous while Sho helps him down the stairs. Sho wishes he could whisper words of encouragement to him, but it would probably make matters worse.

 

The looks on Matsumoto’s and Satoshi’s faces are really worth it though, because both of them stare at Sho in sincere disbelief when he leads Jun into the salon.

 

“We just came back,” Sho apologizes. “I’m sorry, I oversaw the time during our lesson.”

 

Matsumoto couldn’t care less for them to be late, Sho knows as much, because Jun being here when Satoshi is here too, probably means more than anything else. “Don’t worry, Sho-kun,” he says with a smile. “Come you two, sit down, we just had a glass of wine.”

 

Sho nods, sitting on the left side of the table. Jun hurriedly takes the place next to him, probably scared to be left alone in this situation. Before he sits down though, he shifts towards Satoshi a bit.

 

“Hello Satoshi,” he mumbles shyly, without looking at his brother directly, and seems to be so nervous that it’s almost painful for Sho to watch.

 

Gladly Matsumoto has recovered from his surprise though and saves the situation by starting to tell a weird anecdote about a new client he has. Soon all of them listen and Jun seems to relax too.

 

Later that evening Jun excuses himself to go to sleep, and by the tired expression on his face, Sho has no doubt that he indeed needs to sleep.

 

“Do you want me to accompany you?” Sho offers.

 

Jun shakes his head, but shows Sho a careful smile. “Thank you, but I need to do it on my own.”

 

Sho can understand.

 

 

~~~

 

“He talks so much to you,” Satoshi says when Jun left. “He is almost naturally interacting with you. He is never doing it with me or Dad.”

 

“That’s because you expect the worst to happen before even trying,” Sho says bluntly, biting down on his lips immediately. Shit, he forgot to filter his words. The filter, Sho, don’t forget the filter! He can’t be so direct. To his surprise though Matsumoto is looking at him in interest.

 

“What do you mean, Sho-kun?” he asks curiously. “You can be honest to me. Anything that will help my son, really, I will consider it at least.”

 

“You give him too much room to retreat, too much space,” Sho says. “You don’t try to stop him from retreating. It’s true that for some things he isn’t ready yet, but his family should be an exception. You can always go and knock at his door.”

 

“You mean to say,” Satoshi starts carefully. “That when he refused to join us for tea or when he doesn’t want to see me, I should go to his room and directly confront him?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What if he is really tired?”

 

Sho grins. “You don’t need to waltz into his room or act reproachful. Just knock at his door. If he is hiding there, you can ask him directly to join you. Even if he declines then, he and you know that you at least tried. And if he is truly tired, you can just let him sleep.”

 

“Yeah,” Matsumoto sighs. “Basic interaction. Things became so complicated.”

 

“Why did they?” Sho asks directly now.

 

Matsumoto looks at him for a while, thoughtfully, then he nods. “Fine, I will tell you. One year ago, Jun-“

 

His words get stopped by an anxious scream coming from the upper floor. For a moment all three of them freeze in their movements, all of them needing time to process what they just heard.

 

Then Sho is up his feet immediately. It’s Jun.

 

His heart races like crazy while he runs towards the staircase leading upstairs to see what happened. He stops when he sees Jun half sitting, half lying in the middle of the stairs, clasping the banister.

 

Matsumoto is the fastest, he is at his son’s side immediately, pulling him in an upright position so that he can sit down. He touches Jun’s face and shoulder. “Are you hurt, Jun?”

 

Jun seems to be in shock by what happened. “I don’t know,” he rasps out.

 

Matsumoto nods firmly. “I’ll call the doctor immediately.” He turns around to them. “You two, take him to his room carefully and bring him some ice for his leg and something to drink against the shock.”

 

Matsumoto chases down the stairs again, and Sho immediately approaches Jun, kneeling down next to him and carefully stroking his back. “It’s okay,” he says softly. “We’ll take you to your room.”

 

Satoshi nods, kneeling down in front of Jun. Before he can do anything though, Jun has grabbed Sho’s arm with both his hands, hiding his face behind Sho’s back, like he is his personal safety net. “No,” Jun says. “No.”

 

Satoshi halts in his movements, pain flashing in his eyes. And this time he seems to struggle a lot more to keep it under control. Then he gets up though. “Sho-san will take you to your room, meanwhile I will organize some tea for you, and the ice.”

 

Jun doesn’t say anything, but even through his clothes Sho can feel his heart racing. He seems to suddenly be horrified, probably shocked and scared because he dropped down the stairs. Just why can’t he let his family get close to him again? Sho is sure he doesn’t hate them, or he wouldn’t obey to each of Matsumoto’s words.

 

But why is he so anxious in front of them?

 

His answers need to wait though. First of all he needs to get Jun back in his room and be sure that he isn’t hurt. It’s probably the same trail of thoughts that made Satoshi retreat so fast. His brother’s safety comes first, that’s how much he loves him.

 

Sho carefully pulls Jun up and holds his arm and waist tightly to help him upstairs and back to his room. Jun is quiet all the time, and when he sits down on his bed, Sho dares to ask. “Do you hate your brother so much, Jun-kun?”

 

Jun has tears in his eyes when he shakes his head. “I love him. He is the best brother in the whole world. It’s all my fault.”

 

Sho frowns in worry at the way Jun’s voice cracks in despair, he pulls him into a comforting hug. “It’s not, Jun-kun. Your family loves you.”

 

“I don’t deserve their love.”

 

~~~

 

 

Once the doctor arrives, they leave him alone with Jun to give Jun some privacy. To their relief, nothing major happened. Just a few bruises.

 

The doctor gives Jun some painkillers and a sleeping pill for him to finally sleep tonight. Then he tells them to proceed as they did up to now, and that he is happy about the progress Jun  is making.

 

Once he is away and Jun is asleep Aiba-san brings them each a glass with whisky, he looks relieved too.

 

It’s about time, Sho thinks, when he remembers how Jun cried in his arms and told him how much he appreciates his brothers. “I want to know what happened a year ago.”

 

 

A/N: So, Satoshi is here, but Jun is not happy? And Sho already seems to have developed a... let's call it liking in Jun :D  So, wolf!Sho can somehow lure bunny!Jun out of his room?
Oh, and for everyone who is getting impatient (like Sho) about the accident - a lot will be revealed in the next chapter! Promise!