Shattered Smile: Chapter 5

[lilly0]

Title: Shattered Smile Chapter 5
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG-13 (for now?)
Genre: romance, hurt&comfort
Plot: Young and ambitious medicine student Sho gets hired by wealthy Matsumoto-san to tutor his 19-year old son Jun. Jun spent months in hospital, they say, but now wants to get into a college. Soon Sho realizes that tutoring Jun is not all he needs to do. Jun seems to be broken, hiding from the world and not even opening up to his family anymore. I want to see him smile again, his father said, but no one tells Sho anything about what happened to Jun... It's incredible hard to put the broken pieces together again but Sho wants to try.
Note: This is my belated birthday story for cielmelodies . I'm sorry it's soooo late!! I hope you will like it! Jun is like a lost puppy that needs to be cuddled.

 

To Sho’s surprise Satoshi and Matsumoto nod at his request. “You deserve to know the truth,” Matsumoto admits. “First I thought it might be better for Jun to tell you everything himself, but I think I just ran away from the truth myself.” He pauses. “Just where to start?”

 

“I will start,” Satoshi offers. “My part of the story. You know, Sho-san, at the night from his accident Jun and I had a major fight.” He looks at his father, almost like he asks for help.

 

“Jun was very sportive and liked action. He was driving the motorcycle,” Matsumoto explains.

 

Satoshi nods. “This night he wanted to go out with his friends. I never liked his friends. I thought they were bad for him, and driving at the night was too dangerous. Father did forbid him to do it, but Jun didn’t really listen to him.”

 

Like any teen, Sho thinks silently, he didn’t listen to his father either. But doesn’t say it out loud. “So what happened?”

 

“I wanted him to stay at home. One thing led to another, and we had a huge argument. I probably said some hurtful things, and he did too. We never argued before,” Satoshi pauses. “I always covered for him. I know I shouldn’t, yet I did. It was irresponsible. So this night I threatened to tell everything to our father. He got mad and yelled at me. At one point I lost my nerves and slapped him. Then he left.”

 

So, it’s guilt. In Satoshi’s case it’s guilt.

 

Satoshi looks miserable. “The thing is, I’ve always been bad with words. If I would have been more sensitive that day… and tried to reason more with him instead of yelling at him,” he mumbles. “Maybe nothing would have happened.” He has tears in his eyes. “Jun was more rebellious than I was, but he wasn’t that rebellious, just a normal teen. Jun’s friends, except for Nino-kun, were all happy-go-lucky guys. I thought they were no good at all, and definitely not good enough for Jun. They were going out, having girlfriends, they were never serious. I thought so low of them, but they didn’t deserve…”

 

“Deserve what?” Sho asks sharply before it dawns on him. “Oh my god.”

 

“Jun was the only one who survived this night. None of them deserved to have their life taken away from them.” Satoshi looks at him in despair. “You know what’s the worst? The accident wasn’t even their fault. I thought I could all blame it on them even after their death, but then police found out that they weren’t even driving when they got hit. They were sitting on a bench next to the street, a truck driver lost control over his car and ran right into them. Nothing. They did nothing.”

 

“His friends died,” Sho stutters. Now everything makes a lot more sense, he thinks. Poor Jun. He didn’t deserve this.

 

“It’s not Satoshi’s fault,” Matsumoto intervenes. “And also not Jun’s. It’s mine.” He rubs his temples. “I used to go pretty hard on Jun,” he explains. “He is different than Satoshi. I should have let him do things at his own pace, instead of pressuring him so much. He was only constantly disobeying because I stressed him out, and the reason Satoshi covered for him all the time is because I did not have any understanding for him at all. As a parent, when your kid stops talking to you and you stop to listen to it, you really failed it.” He pauses. “We argued about tiny things like why he didn’t hit a full score on a certain test and alike. At first he tried, but at one point he obviously gave up and didn’t listen. For me back then he was a good-for-nothing son and I wished he was like Satoshi.” He chuckles bitterly. “Now I just wish to have my good-for-nothing son back, because this one at least smiled and was happy. Everything went so far because I couldn’t accept him for who he was. It’s all my fault.”

 

Sho lets all the information sink in. Nino’s words make more sense now too, and also his statement that Matsumoto made a complete change in his behaviour. Jun’s behaviour makes sense too. “That’s why he obeys you so much now.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Matsumoto blinks.

 

“You two think he hasn’t forgiven you, am I right?”

 

Satoshi nods.

 

“But he thinks it’s all his fault,” Sho points out.

 

“What?” Matsumoto blinks. “Did he tell you?”

 

“No, it’s obvious.” Sho lets out a sigh. “He does everything you want him to do. Every word and wish from you he obeys without any objection. He even wants to study law, because you are a lawyer and because Satoshi is becoming one. He has killed all his dreams and wishes because he thinks what happened is his responsibility. He is trying to be the perfect, obedient son he couldn’t be before.”

 

“I don’t want him to be anyone else,” Matsumoto admits sadly. “Ever since I got the phone call from the police and rushed to the hospital to see him through the window at intense care, I just wished for him to wake up again, and do all the things he wants to do. Whatever it is, whatever he wants to be.” He has tears in his eyes. “They only let me look at him through this window. I wasn’t even allowed to sit down on his bed or hold his hand or talk to him because they were fighting to save his life.”

 

“You love him so much,” Sho points out. “All you are doing now is to try to make him happy. You need to let all the guilty feelings behind.”

 

“I swore to myself, if I’m going to be so lucky to have my son back, I will do everything for him. Everything, whatever it takes. This time I’m going to do it right. Although I think it’s too late.”

 

“It’s not,” Satoshi mumbles. “It’s not too late. I’ve never seen someone change like you did.”

 

Matsumoto raises his eyebrows. “How about you take your own advice,” he suggests.

 

Satoshi blushes.

 

“The thing is,” Sho muses. “That Jun will probably never go back to who he was. If you have something like this happen to you, the losses, the pain, the sickness, you can’t go back anymore. There is no use in wishing he would be his old self again.”

 

Matsumoto has his forehead furrowed, looking at Sho thoughtfully. “You are right,” he says. “Wishing for him to become his old self again, is basically the same story all over again. Wishing for him to be someone he can’t be.”

 

“You have to tell him all this,” Sho begs. “To hear it from you and to understand, it will make him at least leave this part of his past behind. It will make him understand that you two don’t hate him and that he deserves your support. No one can ever make him forget what happened and the people he lost, but at least he can learn to handle it with your help.”

 

Matsumoto takes a sip from his whisky. “Sakurai got himself a good kid,” he muses.

 

Sho smiles slightly. “Sakurai wasn’t always happy about his rebellious, good-for-nothing son either. I even had a piercing in school and I still have a gang tattoo.”

 

“No way,” Matsumoto says, raising his eyebrows.

 

Sho lifts his shirt slightly, revealing the skull tattoo on his left hip. “I’m lucky though,” he mumbles sadly. “Because what I did was a lot more dangerous than what Jun did. I could have easily been hurt too.”

 

Sho isn’t sure how long they talked but at one point the alarm on Matsumoto’s mobile goes off. “It’s time for Jun to take his medicine.”

 

For a moment they are all quiet, then Satoshi gets up. “Let me do it,” he says with newfound resolution.

 

“And if Jun kicks you out of his room, if he throws a fit, if he is spellbound,” his father asks daringly. Sho takes a wild guess he wants to prepare his son for all eventualities.

 

“He is my little brother, I can’t be scared of facing him all the time. Sho-san is right. I never tried to approach him, I will do so now. If I can’t forgive myself, how can I expect him to come around me again.”

 

Matsumoto nods contently and hands him the little package with Jun’s meds. Once Satoshi is away, he looks at Sho thoughtfully. “Sho-san, I have a favour to ask from you.”

 

“Of course, what it is?”

 

Matsumoto smiles. “You are saying yes, even before I asked you?”

 

“It’s about Jun, so yes.” Sho states firmly.

 

“Have an eye on him, will you?” Matsumoto asks. “He is a good kid. Sensitive and caring. I want him to be able to fully develop his personality. Once we move back to the city next week, he will need someone to be more than just a tutor.”

 

“Jun is my friend,” Sho states firmly. “I already told him I won’t just leave him once we are back. And I most certainly don’t want to receive money for being at his side.”

 

Matsumoto grabs a cigarette, eyeing it thoughtfully. “I know what you see in him,” he finally says.

 

Sho feels his blood freeze in his veins. What…  oh my… how did this man know!? But then Jun is his child, and he seems to care deeply and watch carefully. “I…” he shifts around nervously. “More than anything I want him to smile.”

 

“I know, which is why I have nothing to object…” He pauses. “At least not much. Just, you know this is going to be difficult for you?”

 

Sho smiles. “I’ve never liked it simple anyways.”

 

 

~~~

 

Sho has to fight the urge to head to Jun immediately. He wants to know him well and see how he is doing, but Satoshi is his brother and he has the right to have some private time with him. When he doesn’t return in what seems forever, Matsumoto gets up to check on them, and doesn’t return either. So, Sho assumes it’s going well for them.

 

He feels happy for Jun. Jun deserves some happiness after all that happened to him. Hence he goes to his room, takes his book and lies down in his bed. He doesn’t want to sleep yet, he feels too restless but eventually he falls asleep.

 

A knock against the door wakes him up. When he opens it, he looks right into Jun’s red-rimmed eyes. He looks like he cried. “Jun-kun,” he says softly, he reaches out his hand to touch Jun’s cheek, his thumb brushing over the sensitive spot right under his eye.

 

Jun shows him a careful smile. “Thank you, Sho-kun.”

 

“I didn’t do anything,” Sho argues.

 

Jun shakes his head.

 

“Always so stubborn,” Sho mock-complains.

 

Jun smiles at him and it makes Sho’s heart flutter. “I didn’t know how they feel,” he admits.

 

“They didn’t know how you feel either,” Sho points out. “Did you tell them?”

 

“I tried to.” He looks embarrassed all of a sudden, looking to the side.

 

For a moment Sho is surprised, then he chuckles, and opens his arms. “Come,” he says.

 

Jun takes the invitation and lets Sho hug him tightly. “What happened is not your fault,” Sho whispers into Jun’s hair. “It’s not your fault. Even if you were driving, it wouldn’t be.” He pauses, swearing to himself that he is going to repeat these words as often as Jun needs them to hear.

 

Jun doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t pull away from Sho’s hug either, that’s not a bad sign.

 

 

~~~

 

Satoshi has a brother complex. That’s what all the others have told him, and now Sho knows what they meant. They are having breakfast all together, just that this time he didn’t have to drag Jun along. He came by his own will.  And Satoshi fusses over him like crazy, he even argues to put marmalade on his bread.

 

Matsumoto watches the scene before he grins. “Well, Satoshi, you might want to switch places with Sho-kun, so that you can feed your brother properly.” He turns to Aiba-san. “Aiba-san please cut Jun’s meat in small pieces for lunch. It’s easier for Satoshi that way.”

 

Aiba-san laughs, while Jun blushes and Satoshi glares.

 

“I can eat by myself,” Jun mumbles after a while.

 

It’s the first retort Sho has heard him give towards his family up to now. Although it’s not even a real one, but by the happy glance in Matsumoto’s eyes and by the way Satoshi immediately apologizes for being such a busybody, he assumes they are equally happy about it.  

 

~~~

 

While Jun is having therapy Sho talks to Matsumoto a bit longer. “How many of Jun’s friends died that night?” he asks carefully.

 

“Three,” Matsumoto answers. “They were actually four friends, but one of them wasn’t with them that night, because he was sick that day and didn’t join them. His name is Shun. I saw him sometimes standing outside of the hospital and looking up to Jun’s window, but I didn’t dare to approach him.”

 

Shun…

 

“Do you have his number or address?” Sho asks carefully.

 

Matsumoto stares at him in surprise. “Do you want them to meet?”

 

“I want Jun to find closure. And if it’s true that Shun was outside, not daring to visit Jun, he needs closure too. When you are left behind, you feel horrible.”

 

Matsumoto nods. “I’ll let my secretary get the address for you.

 

Sho nods. Shun is an important step to take, because he is out of the same circle of friends, and he survived too just like Jun. The next step needs to be Masaki and Nino.

 

 

A/N: I was debating with myself if I should update this weekend or not, because there is hardly anyone online. But then I thought... since it's a birthday fic I should definitely update ;-) 
So now we know know what happened to Jun, and why he is like he is!