Shattered Smile: Chapter 8

[lilly0]

Title: Shattered Smile Chapter 8/8
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, hurt&comfort
Plot: Young and ambitious medicine student Sho gets hired by wealthy Matsumoto-san to tutor his 19-year old son Jun. Jun spent months in hospital, they say, but now wants to get into a college. Soon Sho realizes that tutoring Jun is not all he needs to do. Jun seems to be broken, hiding from the world and not even opening up to his family anymore. I want to see him smile again, his father said, but no one tells Sho anything about what happened to Jun... It's incredible hard to put the broken pieces together again but Sho wants to try.
Note: This is my belated birthday story for cielmelodies . I'm sorry it's soooo late!! I hope you will like it! Jun is like a lost puppy that needs to be cuddled.

 

 

Sho needs a while to regather his senses, for a few minutes he is just standing next to Jun, looking out of the window as well and noting the thick raindrops angrily falling down on the ground. Then he brushes his fingers over his arms before he takes Jun’s hand into his. “Can’t sleep?”

 

“No.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

Jun looks at him in surprise. “Really?”

 

“Yes,” Sho reaches out his hand. “Come?”

 

Jun nods, taking Sho’s offered hand and walking back with him. They take the stairs slowly, Sho giving Jun the time he needs to walk upstairs.

 

“I…” Jun pauses in the middle of the corridor.

 

Sho understands nevertheless. Instead of accompanying Jun to his room, he takes him to his own. They both snuggle under the blanket. Jun rolls to the side, looking out of the window, while Sho hugs him from behind.

 

“It was raining that day,” Jun says all of a sudden, voice hoarse. “But before that it didn’t. The thunderstorm came unexpected. We didn’t expect it. We wanted to grab some burgers and then go to the lake and chill. I was so mad that day,” he mumbles.

 

Sho hugs him closer. “Why were you mad?”

 

“I had a fight with Satoshi. We never fought before. I don’t even know how it started. I just remember that he slapped me, and god was he right to slap me. I was such an awful brother.”

 

“You weren’t,” Sho says softly. “I know  you weren’t.”

 

“How do you know?” Jun wants to know without any accusation in his voice. It just sounds bland.

 

“Satoshi told me,” Sho explains. “And your father too.”

 

Jun stays quiet for a moment. “I tried so hard to be like Satoshi for years, but whatever I did it wasn’t enough.”

 

“Jun, your father doesn’t expect you to be Satoshi, he for sure told you last week when you reconciled.”

 

Jun nods, and Sho instantly feels relieved.

 

“There is no one who is a better Jun than you are,” Sho says softly. Jun’s body feels warm in his arms, and Sho can feel the tension subsiding.

 

“I hated fighting with Satoshi,” he admits. “I felt angry, and sad. And although I was out with my friends, I only thought about him, and then I thought how I would need to go back home, and how I would probably get into another fight with my father, and…” He swallows. “That night I actually wanted to disappear.”

 

“What?” Sho blinks.

 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Jun begs quietly.

 

“I won’t,” Sho promises, because he knows whatever plan Jun had in the past it’s different now.

 

“I had my passport with me and some money. I was almost 18 anyways. I was ready not to go back anymore. I felt like I couldn’t. I was so tired of it all. Like I was constantly running, but I would never reach a goal. Like I would never do something or reach something that would be worth of my family.” He stops, and for a while Sho just listens to Jun’s breathing. He is not prompting him to say anything or asking questions. If Jun wants to talk, he will. “When the rain started we were getting off the motor cycles. There was a small bench next to the street, with a little umbrella. We were chatting, Yuki, one of my friends, made a joke, and everyone was laughing. I didn’t even listen, because my thoughts were somewhere else. When the truck came, no one of us noticed, the driver was too fast, and lost control. I don’t remember anymore, I just remember how I screamed and how we tried to run away, but it  hit us all. I felt nothing then. I didn’t even see anything. It felt warm first, and then cold. And then I woke up.”

 

When Sho feels tears on his fingers, he feels worried. “Jun,” he says softly.

 

“I woke up, and no one told me first what happened. I just realized dad was there a lot, almost all the time, that’s how I knew something was off. When they told me… that all the others are dead…” he coughs “I was so sad. And so mad. Why did they die, and I survived? I was the one who wanted to leave, not them. I should have been the one who was dead. It would have made things easier for my family and-“

 

“Jun,” Sho says firmly, shocked by Jun’s gloomy thoughts, stretching his body to grab Jun’s shoulder and turning him around so that they could lie face to face. He tries to phrase his words as careful as possible. “Listen… Everyone goes through bad times with their parents, all siblings fight, and every son argues with his father. None of this makes you a bad person. The wish you had, that you wanted to leave does not mean you deserved to die! While you are being eaten up by guilt, Satoshi and your father are too.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jun asks quietly.

 

“Satoshi feels like it was his failure as an older brother, that he couldn’t stop you. That he snapped, instead of reasoning with you. He thinks nothing would have happened if he had done a better job as an older brother. Your father thinks he failed the both of you completely, and if he hadn’t put so much pressure on you all the time, and accepted you for who you are, nothing bad would have happened to you and you would still be his old Jun.”

 

“He hates old Jun,” Jun mumbles sadly.

 

Sho pulls him in a hug. “He loves old Jun. And he loves new Jun. Because he loves Jun.”

 

Jun clings to him for a while, shivering, and Sho worries if he has done the right thing in letting Jun talk about everything. He is not a therapist, and if Jun breaks down now and has a panic attack, what is he going to do?  To his relief though the shivering stops after a while and Jun’s breath evens out.

 

“I love them,” he mumbles. “I love my family.”

 

“They love you too.”

 

“I don’t want them to feel guilty.”

 

Sho brushes over Jun’s hair softly. “As long as you feel guilty, they will too. You know that. It’s why you try so hard.”

 

“Sometimes it’s hard,” Jun admits. “Like tonight.”

 

“But in nights like these just rely on me,” Sho says warmly. “I will be there. You don’t need to keep it all inside. Share it with me.”

 

Jun nods. “Dad is really being so nice and caring and patient,” he admits. “I’m not used to it, and I don’t know why he is like that now. He changed so much, I want to make him proud. I want to repay his  kindness.”

 

Sho smiles. “You are really similar to him, Jun, he probably just needed some time to realize that he is looking into a mirror sometimes. I think it’s also the reason why you clashed sometimes.”

 

He can almost feel Jun blinking in surprise. “Satoshi is like my mother,” he finally admits.

 

“Yes, and you are like your father.” Sho chuckles. “Two hot-tempered and stubborn guys just had to clash.”

 

“Hey,” Jun complains, annoyance in his voice. “Who are you calling stubborn!?”

 

Sho has to fight hard not to giggle and laugh at Jun’s frown. He is so adorable, and after Sho’s initial first insecurities when they met for the first time it’s surprisingly easy to get cute emotions out of Jun. He can’t wait to see what else he can tickle out of him.

 

Jun’s breath is going steadier now, he is probably going to fall asleep soon, and Sho himself suddenly doesn’t mind the thunderstorm anymore.

 

“Don’t leave me, please,” Jun mumbles sadly, the remnants of his trauma probably going to remain forever.

 

“I won’t.”

 

~~~

 

 

“Is this really okay?” Matsumoto asks in worry. “You embarrass me by taking the train. You can drive with me and Jun.”

 

“Thank you,” Sho smiles. “But I would like to visit my sister on the way back home, buy a few things, and then I should visit my mother.” He pauses. “Well… Jun-kun and I, tomorrow,  we will…” he pauses, unsure how to ask Jun’s father that he takes his son out on a date.

 

“Yeah yeah,” the man waves him off casually.

 

“You don’t mind?” Sho asks, face feeling hot in embarrassment.

 

“What should I say,” the man grins. “After all I got my son back from the dead, and I trust you to watch out for him, more than any woman could. I told you when I hired you, didn’t I? All I want is for him to be happy.”

 

Father complex. Totally.

 

Sho has to grin though. He feels happy for Jun. “Are you going straight home? I’m still helping Jun with his studies after all. I wanted to send him some information about the universities he might be interested in.”

 

“I just want to go shopping with him,” Matsumoto explains. “We need new curtains. And I got tired of my wardrobe from last season. You might not know it, but Jun likes fashion a lot. I thought maybe I could spoil him a little when he finds something he likes.”

 

FATHER COMPLEX for real. This time Sho can’t keep his laugh. When Matsumoto narrows his eyes, his glare suddenly resembling Jun’s, Sho raises his hands  in defence. “I’m just happy you get along so well,” he admits.

 

Matsumoto blinks before he smiles brightly. “Me too.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

Jun strongly refused being picked up at a home like a helpless school girl. He said he wants to meet Sho right in front of the restaurant, like any capable person would.

 

He is proud like this. But it’s nothing Sho can’t cope with. Especially when he sees Jun approaching him, ten minutes too late, wearing black jeans and silver-grey shirt with the first two buttons being open and a loose tie wrapped around it in a casual manner Sho himself never managed to pull off.

 

“I’m sorry for being late,” Jun blushes. “I underestimated the time the subway would need, and I’m still so slow.”

 

He has brushed his hair back a bit, styled it properly, and even wears a thick wristband and long silver necklace.

 

He has dressed up, Sho realizes. It’s a date! A real date!

 

“No problem, Jun-kun.” He smiles happily. “Shall we go inside?”

 

Jun nods. When Sho sees a few guys staring at Jun like he is their prey, he grabs Jun’s hand possessively. “My boyfriend,” he grumbles only for him and Jun to be heard.

 

Jun chuckles lightly. He smiles on of these genuine real smiles Sho loves so much. And Sho swears to himself to make Jun smile as much as possible, no matter what the future will hold for them.  


A/N: I'm so sorry for updating so late! But my motivation.... >< It's still kinda hard to gather enough motivation to post, but well... here it is, the last chapter! :-) 
I think Sho will give his all to make Jun happy, right?