Imbalance: 03 Dismiss

[lilly0]

Title: Imbalance 03: Dismiss
Pairing: Sakumoto, Juntoshi
Rating: R
Genre: romance, somewhat angsty?
Plot: It's always been okay for him to be the person in a relationship who loves more.
Note: This is akhikaru 's fault, and also learashi , with their prompt tables and awesome drabble series <3  I've decided to treat this like a challenge. I'm using a prompt-table from lj, and will write these drabbles as they come to my mind, withoug planning anything in advance. It's going to be one story in the end, but the drabbles won't be posted in the correct timeline.

 

 

“Preventive, Jun,” Nino says, nothing of his usual snark in his voice. His eyes are clouded with worry, and it’s not like Jun doesn’t understand him. He knows where his worries are coming from. “Just to be safe.”

 

“No,” Jun says firmly, shaking his head. “No! I was there once, and I decided never to go back.”

 

“But it helped you back then,” Nino argues and Jun can feel Nino’s gaze following him while he puts some photographs on the wall. Out of the corner of his eyes Jun can see how Nino shifts around nervously. Bless him. For a very long time he was the only friend he had and the only one he could trust. Maybe he still is the only one he trusts, because most of the time he doesn’t even trust himself.

 

“It did,” Jun answers honestly, because he can never lie to Nino, not after everything he did for him. He can also never say no to him. If Nino pushes the subject for real, he knows he will follow his advice. “But I never want to get to the point again that I need it.”

 

“There is no shame in going to a psychological clinic,” Nino says softly. “No shame at all, you know that?”

 

“Not to the place itself,” Jun answers, his voice shaking when he thinks what led him there. “But what I did, and everything surrounding it is shameful for me. My love for Sho was shameful, and wrong. It made me sick. I loved him too much. I should never love someone to that extent again.”

 

“Is this why you left Ohno-kun?” Nino steps closer now, helping Jun with fixing the pictures on the wall of his gallery.

 

Jun turns his head, away from Nino. Thinking about Ohno hurts. “I left him because he doesn’t love me. I’m never going to this emotional place again. If he doesn’t love me, I’ll be better off alone.”

 

“It sounds so awfully rational,” Nino comments quietly.

 

“I have to be rational,” Jun mumbles. “Remember the last time when I wasn’t. If I get too deeply involved again…” Jun’s voice trails off, he doesn’t want to say it.

 

If he gets involved again, falls too deeply in love and gets tossed away again, there might not be a way back this time.

 

“Since I’m 15,” he says quietly. “It’s either been Sho or Satoshi. Sho, Satoshi, Sho, Satoshi. All the time. Maybe it’s fate that it always turns out bad. And I should finally accept that it can’t be any of them. That I’m better off without them.”

 

The scars on his arms have faded pretty fast, but he knows his emotional scars will take a long time to leave. He cannot risk it to have old wounds opened again, this time by Ohno. Who knows what will happen then? The next time Nino might not be in time, and a stay at the hospital won’t help him.

 

Nino wraps his small arms around him, giving him short but warm hug. “Maybe, Jun-kun, maybe that’s true. Maybe not.”

Comments

[learashi]

Oh.
This is much worse for Jun than I thought.
You are breaking my heart along with Jun's.

[lilly0]

It's indeed a lot worse than imagined >< Tbh I didn't even plan it that way, but it's starting to turn out... well... you'll see. But I promise you a positive ending <3
*huggles*

[matsupie]

I'm Sad :'(

[lilly0]

Sorry for making you sad *hugs*
I promise in the end Jun-chan will be a lot better!

[akhikaru]

Oh wow! D:
Damn... just how bad did things get before? I'm intrigued!
Thanks for the update! :D

[lilly0]

I kind of have the feeling this is going to be a bit angsty - not sure how that happened though ^^
(not sure if I'll reach your level of angstiness though :D)
Thanks so much for reading!! ♥

[hsiahsirafzi]

Okay i didnt realize you have this fic before. But this certainly raised my curiosity. Im really curious about o lot of things after readings these 3 drabbles. I'm looking forward for more explanantion and more interesting stuff to happen. As expected from you never failed to make me interested in reading. Thank you for writing and sharing

[lilly0]

Thanks for finding this, and reading and commenting! ♥
This is a drabble series I'm currently writing <3 I can promise you that there will happen a lot ;-)
*huggles*

[yukitsubute]

Oh ooor Jun, it seems both are not good for him 😞

Thanks for sharing ❤

[lilly0]

I a way they both don't seem good for him. At least at the moment...
Thanks so much for reading! <3

[leiva21]

Did Jun met Sho again after leaving Satoshi? What did Sho did this time?

If only Jun can meet someone else rather thank those two... But I guess it's really hard when Jun thinks that no one will love him.

My heart breaks T-T

[lilly0]

Let me try to summarize the situation up to now (it's still a bit complicated with the time gaps ^^)
Jun and Sho and Satoshi... their relationships were really complicated. Basically Jun was with Sho most of the time in his teens and early twenties, whenever they broke up, he sometimes was with Satoshi.
At this point of the story, it's after college, and it's after Jun was in hospital for the 2nd time. He is doing better mental-wise here, basically he is recovering. He hasn't met Sho for a long time, but he met Satoshi coincidentally again and at one point they got together. They somewhat broke up again though.

Sho didn't return yet, but we all know that Sho will return at one point, right? :-)

Thanks so much for reading this!! ♥ I promise it will be clearer once we have more drabbles!

[yuuki_73]

this is really bothering me because I always have the feeling that I am the one loving more... everybody!!! I am the one loving more, doing more, being more....
I receive some back... but never seems enough... I don't know....