Your voice, frozen in the wind... Chapter 9

[lilly0]

Title: Your voice, frozen in the wind, surrounds me like snow petals Chapter 9 (of 12)
Pairing: KameRyo, other guest appearances
Rating: PG-13 (for this chapter)
Genre: AU, romance, bit angst (like in every romance story), It might be the hurt&comfort type of fic
Warning: It's getting a bit angsty here...
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: Being a privileged boy out of a rich family doesn’t mean you get more love. Kame knows that just too well. All day long he fights against this monster called loneliness, until a new boy joins his class. He is coming out of a different background and just as lonely as he is.
Kame fights against the feelings that are awakening inside him, not able to trust anyone around him. But then he starts to get strange anonymous messages, his heart warming up towards a person he doesn’t even know…and to this strange boy in his class.
Dedicated to: sweetspicyhot. As a belated birthday present! I really really hope you will like this, my friend!

“Dad…” Kame approached his father carefully. “What happened?”

His father looked up, realizing Kame’s presence and hurrying at his side. He put his hands on his son’s shoulders, stroking them reassuringly.

When Kame saw his father struggling with words, he felt panic spreading through his body. “Please,” he begged. “Tell me. I need to know.”

“She is gone.” His father said silently. “I’m so sorry, Kazuya. Your Mom died yesterday. … It was suicide… I’m so sorry…”

Kame let these words slip in, his body almost freezing in shock. He tried to grasp this information, understand it, but he couldn’t. His mind just went blank.

***

Every time I think I’m just a normal boy, things are starting to get complicated again. Why? Why can’t those around me and I stay happy once in a while?

The next days were busy, but not in a good way, they were painfully busy. It took Kame some while to grasp what had happened. But still…he couldn’t understand it. Why did his mother take her life? Why?

He rubbed over his face in despair when he was sitting on his bed. Why had she been so desperate? Why did she leave him? His heart ached at that thought, realizing how selfish it was and still he couldn’t shove it away. He had wished to have a warm relationship with his mother but all she had ever done was staying away from him. And now she even left him. How could she? He knew he shouldn’t have such bitter feelings, but truth was…  they just kept coming to him.

Kame sighed, glad that he was free from school right now, so he wouldn’t need to deal with everyone at the moment. When Ryo’s picture popped up in his mind, he tried to shove it away. He knew Ryo had tried to call him, he even wrote him a message. He didn’t dare to drop by at Kame’s house unannounced, because it would be impolite. And Kame was really thankful for that, because he wasn’t sure how to face Ryo now. How to tell this guy, who had never had a family, what he felt right now, his dark feelings about his mother? He didn’t want to see Ryo’s disappointed face. Ryo deserved it better… definitely. So he was glad that Ryo didn’t drop by, it was easier to avoid his calls or to ignore his messages.

Maybe it would hurt Ryo, but right now it was better like that. Ryo had enough problems, why should he bother with a heartless idiot like Kame who was still blaming his mother after she had died?

******

“I’m sure it will be alright,” Jun tried to sound convincing but the silence that greeted him from the others made him sigh sadly. He patted Ryo’s shoulder a bit. “Don’t let yourself down, okay?”

Ryo wavered for a moment, but then he nodded his head, trying to look as strong and confident as possible, but still... he was worrying like crazy. He hadn’t been able to reach Kame till now, he wouldn’t pick up his phone, he wouldn’t answer any messages. Slowly Ryo was starting to get insane here. He wanted to be there for Kame, to hug him and help him through this. After all he knew how it felt like to loose his parents… He knew about the pain, the doubts, the irrational feeling of guilt. And he didn’t want Kame to walk through this all alone…

“You weren’t able to reach him?” Jin asked carefully.

Ryo shook his head at that question.

Jin sighed. “He is doing it again… closing himself up.” He gulped when he saw Jun’s glance, realizing that this news would make Ryo even more worried, hence he tried to smile encouragingly. “But I’m sure it will only be for a few days… Have a bit trust, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Ryo answered silently, but his heart kept aching, his stomach twisting. Something was seriously off. He knew that. Hence he just had to do something, maybe he should visit Kame in person? Though it wasn’t really appropriate to do that, dropping by unannounced.

Ryo blinked in surprise when he felt how Yamapi handed him something. “What’s that?” he asked in surprise.

“The mobile number of Kame’s father.” Yamapi explained carefully. “I asked my father for it, because they are friends.” He smiled at Ryo warmly. “It’s okay to call him and express your condolences. Then you can just ask for Kame and his father will give him the phone.”

Ryo smiled at the other thankfully. “Thanks so much! You’re amazing.”

******

It was already getting dark when Kame walked across the beach, his feet carrying him towards the cottage almost on their own. But this time he didn’t feel any warmth there, the normal comfort was gone. He just felt empty.

His hands angled for the book, eyes filling with tears when he read the answer. There was someone just feeling the same like he did.

I agree. Life is mean sometimes, isn’t it? I’m feeling so empty right now… I want to be there for someone, but I can’t…

He had spent around half an hour in the cottage, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t find any peace. Not today. He sighed, standing up again to walk home slowly. At least his father was there… For the first time he really felt more at home at his actual home than in the cottage…  because at his house he wouldn’t be completely alone.

When he opened the door to their house and searched for his father, he was surprised to find him waving slightly at him, his phone in his hands. “Hold on a moment, please.” He put the phone aside, smiling at Kame softly. “Someone wants to talk to you, son.”

Kame blinked in surprise, wondering who it was from his father’s friends who wanted to talk to him. He waited patiently for his father to finish his talk, before he handed the phone over to Kame.

“Hello?” Kame said, trying to sound as politely as possible.

“Hi Kazuya.”

The moment Kame heard Ryo’s voice, his heart sank down to his knees. He felt his legs shivering, his hands trembling. He tried to gather all his strength to turn around and smile at his father, signalizing him that he would have this talk in his own room to have some privacy.

When Kame sat down on his bed, he took a deep breath. “Ryo…”

“Are you alright?” Ryo asked in concern. “I was so worried… and I couldn’t reach you. I’m so sorry for disturbing you like that, I know I’m being impolite. But I just needed to know if you are doing alright.”

Kame felt tears running down his cheeks. He felt so happy that Ryo had called him and at the same time he felt so crushed when he thought about being without him. Sadder as the loss of his mother had made him. But exactly this feeling made Kame even more determined. “Ryo.” he said with a strong voice, sounding cold. “Let’s break up.”

“What?” Ryo sounded so surprised that it hurt Kame’s heart even more.

“I thought I could love you… but I can’t. Sorry.” Kame bit his lips, even he had to admit that he sounded like a total jerk here.

“You don’t like me?” Ryo asked, voice sounding broken.

“I just said it, didn’t I?” Kame mumbled, trying to sound frustrated.

Ryo stayed quite for a moment. “Why?” he asked out of a sudden, his voice trembling. “Did I do something? Is it because I’m an orphan? Am I not good enough?”

Kame felt the heat running through his body when Ryo asked these questions. He shivered a bit, pulling his legs up, while he pressed one of his hands against his throat to stop the sobs that wanted to escape. “It has nothing to do with any of these reasons, Ryo. I’m sorry. But please accept it.” With that he hung up, letting the phone drop down, before he curled up in his bed, angling for a pillow to press it against his body. He wanted some warmth now and he longed for nothing more than these slender arms that were able to give that to him.

But it was over now. He had ended it and he had no other choice but to live with this from now on.

A/N: I'm so sorry for the angst here. Kame's really confused and sad. But It's going to get better.


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