Your voice, frozen in the wind... Chapter 9

[lilly0]

Title: Your voice, frozen in the wind, surrounds me like snow petals Chapter 9 (of 12)
Pairing: KameRyo, other guest appearances
Rating: PG-13 (for this chapter)
Genre: AU, romance, bit angst (like in every romance story), It might be the hurt&comfort type of fic
Warning: It's getting a bit angsty here...
Multi-chapter
Disclaimer: I don't own them or anything else JE-related. But the story is mine of course^^
Summary: Being a privileged boy out of a rich family doesn’t mean you get more love. Kame knows that just too well. All day long he fights against this monster called loneliness, until a new boy joins his class. He is coming out of a different background and just as lonely as he is.
Kame fights against the feelings that are awakening inside him, not able to trust anyone around him. But then he starts to get strange anonymous messages, his heart warming up towards a person he doesn’t even know…and to this strange boy in his class.
Dedicated to: sweetspicyhot. As a belated birthday present! I really really hope you will like this, my friend!

“Dad…” Kame approached his father carefully. “What happened?”

His father looked up, realizing Kame’s presence and hurrying at his side. He put his hands on his son’s shoulders, stroking them reassuringly.

When Kame saw his father struggling with words, he felt panic spreading through his body. “Please,” he begged. “Tell me. I need to know.”

“She is gone.” His father said silently. “I’m so sorry, Kazuya. Your Mom died yesterday. … It was suicide… I’m so sorry…”

Kame let these words slip in, his body almost freezing in shock. He tried to grasp this information, understand it, but he couldn’t. His mind just went blank.

***

Every time I think I’m just a normal boy, things are starting to get complicated again. Why? Why can’t those around me and I stay happy once in a while?

The next days were busy, but not in a good way, they were painfully busy. It took Kame some while to grasp what had happened. But still…he couldn’t understand it. Why did his mother take her life? Why?

He rubbed over his face in despair when he was sitting on his bed. Why had she been so desperate? Why did she leave him? His heart ached at that thought, realizing how selfish it was and still he couldn’t shove it away. He had wished to have a warm relationship with his mother but all she had ever done was staying away from him. And now she even left him. How could she? He knew he shouldn’t have such bitter feelings, but truth was…  they just kept coming to him.

Kame sighed, glad that he was free from school right now, so he wouldn’t need to deal with everyone at the moment. When Ryo’s picture popped up in his mind, he tried to shove it away. He knew Ryo had tried to call him, he even wrote him a message. He didn’t dare to drop by at Kame’s house unannounced, because it would be impolite. And Kame was really thankful for that, because he wasn’t sure how to face Ryo now. How to tell this guy, who had never had a family, what he felt right now, his dark feelings about his mother? He didn’t want to see Ryo’s disappointed face. Ryo deserved it better… definitely. So he was glad that Ryo didn’t drop by, it was easier to avoid his calls or to ignore his messages.

Maybe it would hurt Ryo, but right now it was better like that. Ryo had enough problems, why should he bother with a heartless idiot like Kame who was still blaming his mother after she had died?

******

“I’m sure it will be alright,” Jun tried to sound convincing but the silence that greeted him from the others made him sigh sadly. He patted Ryo’s shoulder a bit. “Don’t let yourself down, okay?”

Ryo wavered for a moment, but then he nodded his head, trying to look as strong and confident as possible, but still... he was worrying like crazy. He hadn’t been able to reach Kame till now, he wouldn’t pick up his phone, he wouldn’t answer any messages. Slowly Ryo was starting to get insane here. He wanted to be there for Kame, to hug him and help him through this. After all he knew how it felt like to loose his parents… He knew about the pain, the doubts, the irrational feeling of guilt. And he didn’t want Kame to walk through this all alone…

“You weren’t able to reach him?” Jin asked carefully.

Ryo shook his head at that question.

Jin sighed. “He is doing it again… closing himself up.” He gulped when he saw Jun’s glance, realizing that this news would make Ryo even more worried, hence he tried to smile encouragingly. “But I’m sure it will only be for a few days… Have a bit trust, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Ryo answered silently, but his heart kept aching, his stomach twisting. Something was seriously off. He knew that. Hence he just had to do something, maybe he should visit Kame in person? Though it wasn’t really appropriate to do that, dropping by unannounced.

Ryo blinked in surprise when he felt how Yamapi handed him something. “What’s that?” he asked in surprise.

“The mobile number of Kame’s father.” Yamapi explained carefully. “I asked my father for it, because they are friends.” He smiled at Ryo warmly. “It’s okay to call him and express your condolences. Then you can just ask for Kame and his father will give him the phone.”

Ryo smiled at the other thankfully. “Thanks so much! You’re amazing.”

******

It was already getting dark when Kame walked across the beach, his feet carrying him towards the cottage almost on their own. But this time he didn’t feel any warmth there, the normal comfort was gone. He just felt empty.

His hands angled for the book, eyes filling with tears when he read the answer. There was someone just feeling the same like he did.

I agree. Life is mean sometimes, isn’t it? I’m feeling so empty right now… I want to be there for someone, but I can’t…

He had spent around half an hour in the cottage, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t find any peace. Not today. He sighed, standing up again to walk home slowly. At least his father was there… For the first time he really felt more at home at his actual home than in the cottage…  because at his house he wouldn’t be completely alone.

When he opened the door to their house and searched for his father, he was surprised to find him waving slightly at him, his phone in his hands. “Hold on a moment, please.” He put the phone aside, smiling at Kame softly. “Someone wants to talk to you, son.”

Kame blinked in surprise, wondering who it was from his father’s friends who wanted to talk to him. He waited patiently for his father to finish his talk, before he handed the phone over to Kame.

“Hello?” Kame said, trying to sound as politely as possible.

“Hi Kazuya.”

The moment Kame heard Ryo’s voice, his heart sank down to his knees. He felt his legs shivering, his hands trembling. He tried to gather all his strength to turn around and smile at his father, signalizing him that he would have this talk in his own room to have some privacy.

When Kame sat down on his bed, he took a deep breath. “Ryo…”

“Are you alright?” Ryo asked in concern. “I was so worried… and I couldn’t reach you. I’m so sorry for disturbing you like that, I know I’m being impolite. But I just needed to know if you are doing alright.”

Kame felt tears running down his cheeks. He felt so happy that Ryo had called him and at the same time he felt so crushed when he thought about being without him. Sadder as the loss of his mother had made him. But exactly this feeling made Kame even more determined. “Ryo.” he said with a strong voice, sounding cold. “Let’s break up.”

“What?” Ryo sounded so surprised that it hurt Kame’s heart even more.

“I thought I could love you… but I can’t. Sorry.” Kame bit his lips, even he had to admit that he sounded like a total jerk here.

“You don’t like me?” Ryo asked, voice sounding broken.

“I just said it, didn’t I?” Kame mumbled, trying to sound frustrated.

Ryo stayed quite for a moment. “Why?” he asked out of a sudden, his voice trembling. “Did I do something? Is it because I’m an orphan? Am I not good enough?”

Kame felt the heat running through his body when Ryo asked these questions. He shivered a bit, pulling his legs up, while he pressed one of his hands against his throat to stop the sobs that wanted to escape. “It has nothing to do with any of these reasons, Ryo. I’m sorry. But please accept it.” With that he hung up, letting the phone drop down, before he curled up in his bed, angling for a pillow to press it against his body. He wanted some warmth now and he longed for nothing more than these slender arms that were able to give that to him.

But it was over now. He had ended it and he had no other choice but to live with this from now on.

A/N: I'm so sorry for the angst here. Kame's really confused and sad. But It's going to get better.


******
Note: Dear friends and readers! Thanks so much for all your support <3  To thank you I opened up a Request Post. If you feel like requesting a one-shot with a specific pairing or situation you can do so HERE.

Comments

[lilly0]

SPOT for sweetspicyhot

[sweetspicyhot.livejournal.com]

This chapter is very sad, but you do such a wonderful job writing it--it is beautiful.

I understand Kame here and i think Ryo does too--which is why he will not give up ultimately (*best guess*)

Kame has just lost his mother and now all the questions will remain unanswered forever and she will never return and be the mother he was hoping for.

This loss is catastrophic---when we grieve we are not completely ourselves ne. We are a wound that walks and talks. And who knows about this better than Ryo.

True the way that Kame treats Ryo is wrong--but he believes he is doing the right thing for both of them however misguided he is, whatever his reasons.

I will wait for the next chapters. This story is awesome. Thank you for this update.

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your lovely comment, my friend!! ♥

I felt a bit guilty for that chapter because it was rather angsty. Poor Kame. He really was totally lost and not himself here. And poor Ryo, getting hurt like that and not even knowing what's going on.

But we'll see what they are going to do now. I can only promise you that someone will have a very strong appearance next chapter :D

[lilly0]

SPOT for mari02

[mari02.livejournal.com]

oh hello dear!

thanks so much for updating! it's a nice thing to read something about this story before i go on hiatus :D :D

so i was right. something happened to kame's mother. i just wonder why she did that. also, if things are somehow connected to ryo. cause thre's a twist, right? i'm not sure if it's already a break up because it is clearly expected for someone as confused and closed as kame.

but it was really sad when ryo was helplesly asking kame why he wants to break up with him. because he's an orphan? gosh that really stings. ryo sounded like a kicked and miserable puppy. i'm pretty sure that even though kame doesn't want to hurt him, ryo's going to be affected. he's emotional even he's closed, after all!

thanks so much for this chapter! i hope you can update regularly so i can have a little feast when i get to have internet connection again! hahaah!

*hugs*

[lilly0]

I'm so happy that I posted this in time and you could still read it before your hiatus.
Hope you'll be back soon!! <3

The Kame/Ryo break-up was really bad, right? Kame is devastated right now and not really himself. And Ryo is totally crushed of course. He has many doubts and Kame kinda feeded them. ><

Thanks so much for your lovely comment!! I'll try to update soon, so that you'll have lots of things to read when you come back. ♥

[yukitsubute]

SPOT

OMG Kame, what are you doing??????? -_-'
I can understand that he is broken and sad, but probably Ryo is the one who can help him best. ><

Poor Kame though, it must be really hard for him to get through this...he is so broken, and totally down. I want Ryo to hug him, now! Go there and care about him, even though Kame was an idiot here! Go there, cuddle him and then slap him for bein so stupid. ><

Kame really hurt Ryo....Ohhhh....it's so sad....*cries*
“Did I do something? Is it because I’m an orphan? Am I not good enough?”
OH GOD....my heart is breaking...>< Stupid Kame! *slaphim* Don't talk like this with Ryo-chan....
Can't Yoko go to Kame and telling him what he thinks about his behaviour?! I think he can do this quite good, it's about his little Ryo after all. ^^

I hope they can overcome this break up and get together again. I really hope Ryo doesn't give up here, because of Kame's stupidity. ><

Did I mention how stupid Kame is?! ><
I don't really pity him, even though it's sad what happened, but his behaviour towards Ryo....*headdesk*

The others are so sweet, especially Pi...how he gave Ryo the number of Kame's father. <3 That's so cute. And Jin and jun are also worried about Kame, aren't they?
He close himself up again, that's no good. talking about his feelings woud be much better, and Ryo would for sure listen and care about him. So he should let him...*glareatkame*

I agree. Life is mean sometimes, isn’t it? I’m feeling so empty right now… I want to be there for someone, but I can’t…
My hear tis breaking, can you hear it? KAME DO SOMETHING, OPEN YOURSELF TO RYO!!!!!


Ryo is sooooo sweet when he calls Kame. <3 I could hug him, really. <3 He doesn't want to be impolite, but he wants to hear his friend, and to care about him. <3 Stupid Kame!!!!!

Thanks so much for this chapter, me wants more. ^_______^
I am totally into this story. <3

*hugs*

[lilly0]

WOW! Thanks so much for your encouraging comment, dear!!
I'm so glad that you liked this update ♥ Though it was rather angsty...

Poor boys. Kame is totally lost and crushed. And Ryo got hurt too because of that. I guess he doesn't even know why and what's going on.

Let's see how Ryo is going to handle this. But I can promise you one thing: One person will have his great appearance next chapter. Not telling you who it is though :D

Thanks so much for your lovley comment <3

[lou-rules.livejournal.com]

Eeeeeeeehhhhhhh!!????
At first I was happy to see an update because I had a very bad day. But then, Kame's mother died, and he broke Ryo's heart (along with mine T_T).
But thanks for the update anyway, I guess?
I just hope Kame will take back his words very soon! Please!
Thank you for sharing as always :D

[lilly0]

*HUGGLES*
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! ♥
I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this angsty chapter and for the cliffhanger - I'll try to update soon! Promise!

[anayid-kid.livejournal.com]

thank you so much for updating so fast <3
Kame's mother suicide and he want to break up with Ryo?? why? You should stay with him and be strong together to move on with your life, Kame...
I just hope that Kame will take back his word and apologise to Ryo for making him hurt...
thanks as always ^^

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! ♥
I'm so happy that you liked this!! <3
Kame was totally out of it and not really himself, wasn't he? ><

[lybrint.livejournal.com]

Why?
...

I have no clue what to comment in this chap ^_^ Sorry dear~
Nice chap n thank U 4 updated =)

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting, dear!! ♥
I'm glad that you liked it, even though it was kinda angsty ^^'
*huggles*

[lybrint.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm okay with the angsty, but the situation really make me dizzy ^_^v

[niini-xd.livejournal.com]

Awww No!!! Kame, you are hurting yourself and Ryo more this way... But I know everything will be okay!! :) <333 Can't wait for next chapter!!! <3333

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your lovely comment!! ♥
I'll try to update soon *huggles*

[ecatheriina.livejournal.com]

ARGH!!! Kame I'm so going to slap u ><
Poor my babe, Ryo T0T
Hope he won't feel depressed and instead will try to find Kame's true reasons ><

Thanks ^^

[lilly0]

Thanks so much for your lovely comment!! ♥
I know, poor Ryo >< Kame really was not himself here...
I'll try to update soon <3

[jorian1108.livejournal.com]

ohhh, I intended to finish the whole story in one go and comment only under the final chapter, but this here.... Sweety, this was kinda shock to me... People in such situation behave strangely, I can tell, I've been there myself after my mom passed away while I was in high school... But why Kame tries to push Ryo aside this way? Ohhhh, I must calm down, taking the story too emotionally!

[pinkynishi.livejournal.com]

NO. NO. NO.

NONONONONOO.

NO >=(