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yume_to_ame2016-11-20 06:43 pm
The taming of the shrew: Chapter 16 (Sakumoto)
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: R/NC-17 (not in every chapter though)
Genre: smut, romance, bit angst (no AU setting)
Plot: Is it love or hate or attraction? They share a history of ups and downs, from teenage crushes over not talking at all to accepting each other’s presence. Finally, six months ago, Sho approaches Jun, leading to them getting together. Unfortunately they can’t be in a room together without a fight. What they share though is passion, and the only time they get along is in bed. Then, during a drunk night when Jun vents out his anger, Ohno gives him the contact details of his therapist.
At the end, there remains the question: Who actually needs to tame who?
Note: This is going to have some passionate scenes, and will also contain the typical Sakumoto angst and quite some complicated feelings ^^ It was originally meant to have short chapters - some are a little longer though.
Jun lets Sho pull him in his arms when they finally go to bed. He feels drained and exhausted, and he is certain that Sho feels similar. He brushes over Sho’s back softly. “Don’t beat yourself up over it,” he mumbles soothingly. “Just a little. Like for the next year, until my birthday… or let’s say for my next ten birthdays, when you can make everything up to me by buying me the best presents ever. I love Tiffany’s… just saying.”
It’s meant half earnest, and half as joke to light up the situation, and it seems to work because Sho smiles slightly against his neck. “Hm,” he agrees softly. “Just wait and see. I’ll be the best boyfriend you can imagine.”
Jun smiles inwardly. Letting today aside where Sho went all sick-mindgame-maniac on him, he is sure he can believe in Sho’s words. Over the years he turned into a genuinely kind person. “Just shut up and sleep, you cute idiot,” Jun mumbles, and Sho chuckles softly, like he knows what Jun indirectly wanted to tell him.
~~~
“You have a nice apartment,” Toshida comments politely. He looks nervous and worried though, much more than Jun has ever seen him before. He is probably trying to count the hints and pieces together, and Jun assumes whatever he reads into the mood and situation, is pretty bad, because his gaze wanders from the patch on Jun’s forehead to the bandage on Sho’s ankle to Sho’s face, then he looks at Jun.
“You still have that surfer-ideology going, don’t you?” Jun wants to know, remembering his talk with Sho and how Sho told him that Toshida is a lot more straight-forward when he talks to Sho.
Toshida pulls his eyebrows up. “Why?” he asks and finally a chuckle escapes his lips. Apparently Jun’s approach made him loose some of his tension. “Is it so bad what you have to tell me?”
“You know,” Jun says to diffuse the tension further while he leads Toshida to the sofa. “It’s not that bad actually. We might have overreacted yesterday by calling you.” While Toshida sits down, Jun shows him the most convincing smile he can come up with. “It’s alright. Sho-san and I talked almost all night long, and finally approached a few more difficult topics. I think it’s good now.”
To his surprise it’s Sho who stabs him in the back. Or rather: Who throws himself into the knife. “It’s not,” Sho says calmly. “It’s my fault entirely, Sensei. I wanted to know what’s bothering Jun, because I didn’t understand what was still lying on his mind. Hence I pretended I was cheating on him and played through a break-up scenario yesterday where I told him we should put an end to this. That’s when everything escalated, and Jun-san had a nervous meltdown where he could hardly breathe.”
“You did WHAT!?” Toshida exclaims in disbelief. Jun is sure he would have dropped his coffee if he had one. “Oh my god, Sho-san! Are you crazy?”
“I wanted to make him talk,” Sho admits quietly.
“And addressing the topic first didn’t cross your mind?” Toshida huffs angrily. “I never thought you would be so stup-…” Jun throws him a begging glance, and Toshida rolls his eyes but nevertheless revises his words. “…so naïve to-“
“It’s a high exaggeration to say that I couldn’t breathe,” Jun tries to interrupt the two men, feeling bad for Sho for being yelled at.
“Calling me naïve is actually almost too nice,” Sho answers Toshida, lowering his gaze nervously. “You can just be brutally honest, scold me and tell me that I’m stupid.”
“Oh,” Toshida comments grimly. “I will. Believe me I will.”
“So…does anyone want tea?” Jun interrupts them. “And just so you know… If you two continue to ignore me, I’ll get really mad! And none of you wants to see me mad today, okay?”
Sho and Toshida exchange a glance.
“And there is no reason to look at each other like that,” Jun says firmly. “So, tea, anyone?”
“You’ve developed quite some confidence,” Toshida comments dryly, but can’t help a smile. “Fine, yes, I’ll take tea. And then I would very much like to have a talk with you.”
“With the both of us together?” Jun wants to know, feeling nervous all of a sudden. Much to his surprise he suddenly finds the idea of a joint session with Sho not so bad. So, it’s not like he can’t accept the thought of having Sho around during a therapy session, but in this case he feels a bit wary. It’s too much of a difficult situation.
Toshida shakes his head. “No, this time I would really prefer to see you individually. Jun-san, why don’t you fetch some tea and the cookies my wife send you, and join me. And Sho-san…”
“I’ll wait in my study meanwhile,” Sho takes the cue immediately. “I’ve work to do anyway, and the study is pretty well isolated, so I can’t hear what you talk.”
Toshida nods. “Yes,” he says thoughtfully, watching how Jun puts two cups in front of them and fills them with damping green tea. “This is a good idea.”
Jun is not quite sure what Toshida wants from him today, but the man just asks him a few questions about his health and how he feels. Jun tries to answer without making the whole incident from yesterday sound too bad.
“You are really nice,” Jun points out after a while.
Toshida chuckles. “How come you point out the obvious all of a sudden?” he jokes, and Jun can’t help a grin.
“It’s just that Sho-san told me that you are treating him completely differently,” Jun states carefully. Since Sho’s short comment from last night this question is bugging him. He isn’t sure if it’s alright to address it, but he is too curious to hold it back.
For a while Toshida just looks at him thoughtfully, then he lets out a little sigh and a soft chuckle at once. “Sho-san won’t talk to me or open up if I am too nice to him. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to be heartless… but I have to be much more direct with him.”
It’s simple as that, and it makes perfectly sense. “And what about me?”
“It’s different with you because you are different.” Toshida sips at his tea. “Listen, Jun-san… I’ll ask you a few questions. All you need to do is to answer with yes or no.”
“Why?” Jun blinks, frowning slightly. It’s the first time Toshida uses a strategy like that on him.
“Because you are beating around the bush since we started talking,” Toshida explains. “I’m just going to make it easier for you by asking questions. You only need to answer. The only catch to it is that I only want yes or no answers. No explanation, no excuses.”
“And if I refuse?” Jun wants to know, sensing the trap already before Toshida even started.
“Well.” The man grins. “I’ve plenty of time today~ The whole day basically. It’s raining, my wife is out shopping and I can’t even go to the beach. Don’t tell me you had some comfy plans with your Sho-san?”
Jun rolls his eyes at the teasing. “I…” He sighs. “Fine,” he gives in half-heartedly.
“Good.” Toshida smiles. “So, let’s start… Did you believe that Sho-san cheated on you even before he told you?”
“Yes,” Jun admits quietly.
“Did you think about talking to him?”
“No, but I-“
“Ah, ah.” Toshida raises his hands. “No explanations, just yes or no.”
Jun frowns.
“Did it hurt you when Sho was distanced during the last days?”
“Yes.”
“Did you forget to eat properly because of it?”
Jun blushes slightly. “Yes.”
“Someone hit on you in the bar last time, right?” Toshida wants to know, probably remembering their last session when Jun told him about it. “Did you find the thought of going with the guy alluring?”
“Yes,” Jun admits, biting down on his lips guiltily.
“Because it would have meant an easy way out?”
Jun nods.
“And it felt alluring that you wouldn’t need to pick up old broken pieces of your relationship then?”
Again a nod.
Toshida looks up thoughtfully. “Don’t just nod,” he demands. “Say yes or no.”
“Yes.”
“This is only one side to it though, am I right? There is another reason why you thought about going with said guy…” He pauses. “Did the thought of revenge cross your mind? I’m doing this to Sho-san, because he did it to me?”
“Yes.”
“But you couldn’t. Because you love Sho-san?”
Jun blushes. “Yes.”
“Did it crush you when he broke up yesterday?”
“Yes”
“And when he told you it was just a joke, did it hurt even more?”
“Yes.”
“Did it hurt, because you were shocked and disappointed that he would play such a mindgame on you? Did you want to kick him for doing it?”
“Yes,” Jun admits quietly. “And, yes.”
“Did you hit him?”
“Yes.”
“Did it feel good?”
“No.”
“Did you have a real panic attack yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“And did you do anything against it by using the strategies I told you?”
Jun shakes his head, blushing slightly. “No.”
Toshida sighs. “Did it make you remember every detail of your last break-up?”
Jun nods.
“Did you two talk?”
“Yes.”
Toshida smiles slightly. “About everything?”
“Yes.”
“Do you feel good now?”
Jun frowns. Does he? He feels better, he feels like some weight got lifted from his shoulders, but really good. “No.”
“But you believe you will?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” Toshida smiles a relieved smile. “Then give me another cookie, and tell me what exactly happened.”
“What!?” Jun blinks. “I just told you.”
“You didn’t.” The other man smiles softly. “I asked questions, and you answered. But now you need to tell me in your own words.” When Jun glares at him, he bends forward a bit. “Jun-san,” he says softly. “I don’t mean to tease you or make you suffer or feel uncomfortable, but you need to say these things out loud. In your words, with your voice. I need you to repeat all the things that happened between the both of you… so often until they’ll not feel that painful and real anymore. Until they’ll lose their meaning to you.”
Jun is surprised. It’s the first time Toshida actually explains to him why he does certain things or asks him certain questions. Up to now he just did it and wanted Jun to follow, but apparently he feels that Jun is ready to know what he needs to work on from now on. “You’ll help me to forget the past?”
“Not forget,” Toshida says. “You should never forget the past. The past can always be guidance for your future, a memory, something you made important experiences with and learned important lessons from, but the past should never dictate your present life.”
Jun lets the words sink in for a while, then he nods. “Okay,” he finally says quietly, swallowing nervously. “I’ll tell you what happened.”
“And how you felt throughout it.”
Jun nods.
~~~
The next two weeks are calm. Just like after a storm. It takes a while for Jun to realize that it’s all out in the open now, that Sho knows everything and that there are no secrets between them. It feels weird, and like he just threw up, but at the same time, it’s also a calming feeling. The tension, the fears, the nervousness, the insecurities… they might not be away completely, but they are almost gone. And with each day, they are further away.
Sho hugs Jun in his sleep every night, like he is afraid that Jun will get up and leave him. And it’s Jun’s turn now to reassure Sho that he won’t just get up and go away like that, that he is as much invested into their relationship as Sho is.
During the next days they are busy with concerts and meetings, but they both try to talk to each other as much as possible, and Sho tells Jun that a few weeks ago he was actually meeting with his cousin, not any woman, and promised her to help her planning her wedding, which is why he couldn’t talk too long on the phone. “I should have reassured you more,” he admits. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think it would remember you of things that happened in the past.”
The message Jun sent him when he wanted to meet Sho for lunch, he only saw in the middle of the night when Jun was already in his mojito haze.
“Good thing you didn’t kiss that guy,” Sho half-jokes and half-complains, he also sounds a little panicked though.
“I couldn’t hurt you like that. I thought about it for a moment… how it would be to hurt you,” Jun admits honestly. “It would have been a cheap escape.” He twinkles. “And I hate cheap stuff.”
Sho smiles carefully. “You do.”
“I wasn’t able to betray you, and hurt you,” Jun repeats earnestly now. “I couldn’t.”
“I’m really happy you couldn’t,” Sho admits and eats the takoyaki ball Jun offers to him. “It means a lot to me.”
~~~
“I can’t believe it!” Toshida exclaims happily. “I want to make a photo for the family album,” he continues to joke. “The both of you, in my office, at once. It’s just too unbelievable.”
“To be honest I’m already regretting it,” Sho answers dryly.
Toshida sends him a glare. “Look who is talking about regret,” he teases back, and soon he and Sho start to bicker about something completely ridiculous, much to Jun’s surprise. He watches them for a while, grinning about the silly interaction before he goes and joins Yuko in the garden of her and Toshida’s house.
She smiles brightly. “Jun-san! Did you flee from these two silly guys?”
Jun chuckles. “Indeed.”
“Let’s have some tea,” she offers, and drags him to the kitchen where she serves him fresh ginger tea with honey. They chat a bit about random stuff, until Sho finally comes looking for him.
“Here you are,” Sho says with a pout. “You were gone all of a sudden, and we wondered where you are.”
Jun smirks. “I’m here since half an hour. Did you really notice only now that I’m not sitting next to you anymore?”
Sho blushes furiously, and shakes his head. “No, it’s not like that. I mean… I was too much engulfed in my talk with sensei, and…”
Jun chuckles and Sho lets out a sigh of relief. “You really are easy to panic,” Jun teases softly, and takes his cup with tea and the tray Yuko prepared for them, and follows Sho back.
“I’m nervous,” Sho admits all of a sudden.
Jun wishes he would have a free hand to squeeze Sho’s arm soothingly. He tries to put it all in his smile though and looks at Sho warmly. “Don’t be,” he says softly. “We are in this together. And I’m just as nervous as you are.”
They open the door to Toshida’s office. When he greets Jun with a secret wink, Jun feels at ease immediately, and he is glad that he and Sho both had time to relax a bit before diving into this probably awkward therapy session.
“Listen,” Toshida says while they all stir their tea. “I want you to do something very specific for this first session together.”
“And what’s that?” Jun wants to know while he can see out of the corner of his eyes how Sho moves in his chair restlessly.
“I don’t want you to be yourself,” Toshida explains casually.
“Huh?”
“You-” He nods at Jun. “Are going to pretend that you are Sho-san. And Sho-san will pretend that he is you. I’ll ask you questions and you’ll answer as each other. I’ll address you as Sho-san, I’ll ask you a question, and you’ll answer like as if you are Sho.”
“Like we are acting?” Jun asks nervously.
“Yes, and no.” Toshida twinkles in his friendly way. “I know you are used to act, but I don’t want you to pretend something. I want you to answer in exactly the way you think your partner would. Do you think you could do that?”
Jun tilts his head warily, before he gives himself a mental kick in the butt. “I’ll try.”
“And you Sho-san?”
Sho looks unusual pale. “Well… I… I think… I hope,” he stutters.
“How about we give it a more… relaxed try at first?” Toshida offers, and looks at Jun insistently. Jun understand immediately what he wants him to do. Loosen up the tensed situation a bit. “How about each of you gives me a self-introduction as your partner first? Jun-san, would you like to begin?”
Jun nods, a mischievous smile on his face. “Sure, I’ll start.” He coughs a bit, going for a serious expression. “My name is Sakurai Sho-san,” he starts, making Sho blink slightly. “My schedule is my hobby. In my free time I attend to my schedule, and my favourite activity is re-organizing and planning my schedule. My favourite object is my schedule diary, because I can plan my activities then.” Toshida grins while Sho throws him a somewhat embarrassed and amused glance. “My second hobby is burning food, and ruining my beautiful and stunning boyfriend’s kitchen. When I don’t plan my schedule, I normally browse the internet to shop from my favourite sex supply shop. My favourite items are a pink vibrator and black leather blind-folds. I plan on having sex every night from today on which I also wrote down in my schedule, and did I mention that I would love to-“
“Stop it,” Sho squeals, laughing and hitting Jun with one of the pillows. “If you won’t stop, I’ll make a self-introduction about how you organize your hundred shoes and accessories.”
They both giggle, and Toshida smiles in approval. “Can we start now?” he asks after a while. “Are you ready?”
Sho lets out a deep sigh and nods. “Let’s give it a try.”
~~~
“Sho-san.” Toshida looks at Jun. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay.” Jun frowns. He is sure that Sho isn’t feeling great, but also not really bad. “Just okay.”
“Why are you feeling just okay?” Toshida wants to know.
“The last weeks and months were straining,” Jun answers.
“And why’s that?”
Jun swallows, shifting around nervously. “I’m not sure…” he mumbles, but when Toshida nods at him encouragingly, he sighs. “My boyfriend is kind of exhausting.”
“You are not!” Sho huffs from the side.
Toshida glares at him. “SH!” He makes.
“Why is he exhausting?” Toshida wants to know.
“Because he is so much work,” Jun answers, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. “He is so much fucking work. And he has so many issues. I think-“
“What do you think?” Toshida asks softly when Jun stops.
“I think at one point Sho-san will stand up and realize it’s too much work to be with me,” Jun admits, dropping his role for a moment. “He will say: It’s not worth it. You’re not worth it. He is right.”
“It is,” Sho interrupts them. “You are!”
Toshida shakes his head towards his direction, and Sho shuts up. “Do you love Jun, Sho-san?” Toshida wants to know.
Jun stares at him for a while, allowing the question to sink in. “Maybe,” he finally says. “A bit.”
Toshida turns to Sho all of a sudden. “What about you, Jun-san, do you love Sho-san?”
Sho swallows visibly, wincing in his chair. He stays quiet for a pretty long time, much to Jun’s shock. “I’m not sure if I can,” he finally says quietly.
“Why not?”
“Because all he can do is hurt me.”
Jun frowns slightly, not liking the direction this talk is going to. He is about to say something, when Toshida throws him a warning glance.
“Can you forgive him?” Toshida wants to know.
“No, why should I?” Sho pauses, looking sad all of a sudden. “There are so many guys out there that are better.”
“There are not!” Jun interrupts him all of a sudden. “I already told you I will forgive you! Why won’t you believe me?”
“Jun-san,” Toshida says softly.
Jun sighs. God, this is a lot more difficult than he expected it to be.
Toshida looks at the both of them thoughtfully before he turns to Jun again. “Sho-san, can you forgive yourself?”
Jun just wants to call out a yes, because why shouldn’t Sho forgive himself? But then it dawns on him. It’s not that simple. He says it out loud. “It’s not that simple.” He glances at Sho, realizing that he probably hit the nail on its head. For Sho it’s not that simple. He wants Jun to forgive him, and even though Jun does, he first needs to learn to forgive and accept himself.
Toshida leans back a bit, and takes his cup with tea. Jun lets out a sigh of relief when he realizes that he won’t push them anymore today. “I think it’s okay for today,” Toshida says, and points at the cake Yuko prepared for them. “Eat something!”
They drive back home in silence. Jun is not sure how to break the awkward silence around them. What is he supposed to say? His own mind spins in circles, and he is sure Sho’s does to. When they are in the elevator up to their apartment, Sho suddenly takes his hand though. “You are worth it,” he says with insistence. “Please don’t belittle yourself.”
Jun lets the words sink in before he squeezes Sho’s hand. “I love you,” he says instead of an answer, because it’s so important to him that Sho finally sees it. “Please believe me that I do.”
Sho tilts his head for a moment, then he lets out a chuckle. He pulls Jun closer and kisses him all of a sudden. “I kind of want to use my favourite pink vibrator on you now,” he mumbles against Jun’s lips. It sends shivers down Jun’s spine.
He wonders how they just went from being exhausted and drained to longing for each other. But then, he doesn’t want to question it. “What else do you want to do?” Jun teases, biting into Sho’s lip softly.
“I wonder how long I can drag out your orgasm. Or let’s say: How long can I prevent you from coming~”
Jun feels his body heating up. “You want me to beg?” he asks teasingly.
“Hm
~ That’s my goal.”
“I hope you can deal with a disappointment then,” Jun teases.
Sho smirks against his lips, and wraps his arms around Jun’s waist to pull him closer. “And I hope you aren’t a sore loser,” he whispers, biting into Jun’s earlobe softly.
He doesn’t like to lose, just like Sho doesn’t like to lose. But the glance in Sho’s eyes tells him that tonight… in case Jun loses against him and Sho wins, Jun might just hit a double win.
Jun grins, and grabs Sho’s collar to drag him towards their apartment. “Less talking,” he commands. “More action.”
Sho smirks and smacks Jun’s butt lightly, before he puts his hands on Jun’s waist and follows him. “Just don’t complain tomorrow in case you can hardly move.”
Jun grins. “I told you once, didn’t I? Don’t promise too much.”
Sho laughs and kisses Jun’s neck. “Believe me, I’ll keep my promise.”
~~~
Later that week they are invited at Sho’s place for a family dinner, which Jun braces himself for days in advance. He sets an emergency meeting with Toshida afterwards. Toshida actually looks really worried this time, much to Jun’s surprise. “You look like you expect the worst,” Jun says pointedly.
Toshida sighs. “To be honest, after your last emergency call two weeks ago when Sho-san played this trick on you, which I by the way was really mad about, I’m a little more sensitive towards the word emergency from you.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Jun defends Sho immediately. “I know it was a pretty stupid move. But I mean, looking back at it now, it-“
“Funny that you see it like that. Because every time I met him afterwards, he told me you had to use your asthma spray, the one you normally only use for concerts when you are exhausted and need oxygen. He said you were hyperventilating, and how he still feels horrible about it.” Toshida points out mercilessly.
Jun blushes. “Well, yes, but… he didn’t mean to. And I hit him really hard anyways, he also sprained his ankle. So…”
“I know.” Toshida smiles soothingly. “But mind games are dangerous, especially when a couple is as tensed as you two are. Or rather were. It worked out well, gladly, but there could have been a lot of damage done.”
“He knows it too.” Jun points it out. “Sho knows it was a risky thing to do and he felt really guilty afterwards.”
Toshida twinkles in his typical good-natured way. “I know that’s why I only scolded him during the last two sessions, not three.”
Jun smiles slightly. “As long as you don’t give him that much of a hard time, it’s okay.”
“Well, thank you for your approval.” Toshida laughs. “Back to topic. I was really shocked to receive a second call. I expected the worst. But I assume it has nothing to do with Sho-san playing a trick on you?”
“Nothing like that. It’s something completely different,” Jun explains, and Toshida sighs in relief. He leads Jun to his study, and before the door is even closed behind him, Jun can’t hold back anymore and just has to vent out his anger. “This family meetings are like a trip to hell,” he huffs. “I mean seriously. A whole evening with the grandfather rambling something about samurai-friendship because he can’t accept that his grandson likes another man, the father glaring and making suggestive comments about how I’m not the right partner for Sho… one can lose his sanity. Then, always, someone starts crying. Oh dear, and you know what? His brother’s girlfriend can’t even spell correctly! And his female cousin is having an affair with her university professor. Talking about perfect partners.”
Toshida tilts his head, like he tries to solve the puzzle pieces Jun just offered him. “Family meeting at Sho-san’s place?” he finally asks. When Jun nods, Toshida smiles sympathetically. “It has to be hard for you.”
“For me!?” Jun huffs. “I don’t give a shit, to be honest. I’m only there once a year, maybe twice. But Sho-san doesn’t deserve this! They should respect him for the many things he did for the family and for what he means to the public. Damn it. How can they treat him like that? He is a good guy. Why is it so important if he likes men or women? Does that erase all the awesome things he does throughout the year or his kindness? He is freaking clumsy when being kind and a bit awkward in his compliments, but each of his compliments or nice words actually mean something. They are not just words. He doesn’t lie about these things. How dare they not respect him! They should kiss the floor he is walking on, seriously.” He tries to catch his breath before he can continue his rant, then however he sees the smile on Toshida’s face. He blushes slightly. “What is it?” he asks nervously.
“Nothing,” Toshida chuckles. “It’s just nice to see you going from doubting Sho-san and not able to show him your feelings to actually defending him – twice today, if I may add so - and being mad at his place.”
“It’s just…” Jun sighs. “I love him. Everyone should see how good he is, especially his family.”
Toshida smiles happily. “It’s probably enough for him that you see him like that, don’t you think so? You two have finally started to work with each other instead of against each other and it gives him some much needed strength.” When Jun can only shrug and nod helplessly, Toshida grins contently. “Talking about… when is your trip?”
“Next week,” Jun answers immediately, not able to hide the happy smile spreading on his face.
“So, since you are already here, let’s go through your to-do list,” Toshida points out.
Jun smiles slightly. “You mean, my not-to-do list?” Jun teases.
The other man chuckles. “You could also call it like that. So?”
“Okay.” Jun takes a deep breath. “I won’t run away from Sho-san in case we happen to argue.”
“Fine, what else?”
“I,” Jun sighs. “I will try not to lock myself in a room either. In case of a mental breakdown it would be too difficult for Sho-san to reach me.”
Toshida grins. “You will try? As far as I remember I said: You shouldn’t. Nothing about trying not to.”
Jun frowns. This guy can be a jerk too, actually, but that’s probably his job.
Toshida’s grin widens. “You were just thinking that I’m an idiot, didn’t you?”
Jun decides this is definitely not something to answer to. Instead he scribbles the rules down in his notebook. “Fine, I won’t lock myself into a room. But I will not promise not to hide in a room, door unlocked. If Sho-san enters then, it’s on his own danger. I can’t guarantee his complete safety then.”
Toshida smiles. “Sounds better to me. What else?”
“In case we argue…” Jun frowns. “I’ll try not to throw any insults at his head and-“ When Toshida is about to say something, Jun raises his hands in annoyance. “Fine,” he sighs. “I won’t simply try it… I will not do it.”
There is something else though. Something Jun doesn’t know how to address. He has lost most of his shyness around his therapist and isn’t getting embarrassed easily anymore. He has learned to be all natural around him because it makes things easier. But this here is a bit different…
“Kenichi-san,” Jun pauses, biting down on his lips nervously and in embarrassment. “I never believed I would ever ask something like that so bluntly… but… you are not only a therapist for relationships, but also…”
“For sexual topics, yes,” Toshida says casually. “It comes with being a therapist for marriages and relationships. It’s not possible to separate these two things.” He looks at Jun for a while, apparently waiting for Jun to say something, but as Jun doesn’t know how to continue, he asks more directly. “What do you want to know, boy?”
Jun, pretty used to Toshida calling him boy and young man by now (other than Sho, who sometimes tells Jun irritated that Toshida treated him like a teenage boy again), sighs. “I just wondered,” he admits.
“Kid,” Toshida laughs. “This is my job. Nothing is embarrassing. Just ask.”
Fine. So be it. “A few months ago you told me definitely not to try something… too extreme with Sho-san, didn’t you? I mean in bed”
“You want to know if I think you are ready to do it now?”
Jun shrugs nervously. “I wouldn’t ask,” he stutters. “But our last attempt failed miserably, as you know, and…”
“Jun-san,” Toshida offers him a cup of coffee and some onigiri Yuko made. “Eat something. You need to chill and calm down. Being embarrassed is actually not so much like you.”
“You are right,” Jun chuckles. “It’s more Sho-san’s forte to be embarrassed when talking about sex.” Toshida grins and Jun finally gives himself a mental kick in the butt (and takes one of the onigiri). “I’m just scared that it will fail again. It’s just the both of us on this vacation, and I really want to enjoy it with Sho-san. I would actually like to try to give him what I couldn’t last time.”
“Do you trust Sho-san?” Toshida wants to know.
Jun frowns slightly. “Truth to be told. 95% yes. There remains some doubt, but we are talking about it regularly.”
To his surprise Toshida seems to be very content with his answer. He nods approvingly, before he points with his cigar at Jun. “A safe-word, Jun-san.”
Jun’s eyes widen for a moment. Does that mean… He shakes his head, focusing immediately on what his therapist and friend tells him.
“Talk exactly about what you want to try,” Toshida continues, unusually earnest. “And when I say exactly, I mean exactly. In all detail. So that you won’t feel insecure. Don’t forget that it was a difficult situation for Sho-san too as he was almost doing something you weren’t ready for. That’s why you need to settle for being specific and it’s also why I would advise you not to play any role-plays. For Sho-san it’s probably easier to read the mood when you are just being yourself. Don’t go for tying your hands, covering your eyes and any kind of mouth-gags all at once. One after another. I would suggest the ties first, because I assume eye contact will be important for you.”
Again Jun nods, and scribbles his therapist’s advice down. Quite some information. “And, the most important-“ Toshida uses his finger now to point at Jun in what’s apparently supposed to be an intimate gesture. It fails miserably. He still looks like a casual, relaxed surfing buddy. “If I hear afterwards that you did anything like that while you were actually angry or in one of your after-fight-dazes, I will personally haunt the BOTH of you and yell at you.”
Jun laughs. When Toshida glares at him, he bites down on his lips, but he can’t help a few chuckles escaping his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he breaths out. “But… hearing such a threat from you is so unusual.”
Toshida’s lips tug, until he finally chuckles. “You…You are impossible.” He smiles. “I was trying to get my point across here.”
“You did,” Jun reassures him. “Neither Sho nor I will sink that low to try something like that while being majorly angry with each other.”
“Then I can trust you, Jun-san?” Toshida asks.
Jun nods firmly. “I promise, you can.”
“Fine, because believe me, I’ll get really mad when you guys do anything like that.” Toshida sighs. “I’ll have a talk with Sho-san this week too. And though we normally don’t do that, this time I want you to warn him that I’m going to talk to him about this rather delicate topic.”
“Sure.” Jun nods though he can’t help but pity Sho a bit. Sho is not good when talking with strangers about his sex life. “But…” he blushes. “Please be nice, okay?”
Toshida laughs heartedly. “Don’t worry, I’ll be as sensitive as I can.”
A/N: I'm sorry I couldn't update last week, but I'm back from my vacation now, and I promise a regular update each Sunday again :D
This time it's a longer chapter. I hope you won't mind ^^ Jun and Sho finally went on their joint therapy session ^^
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How nice I recovered all that I had lost and more here emerge the new chapter!
Finally start! I can not wait!!!!
Thanks again!!!
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Thanks so much for catching up with this fic!! ♥♥
*huggles*
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Ohhhhhhh!!! Look at all this progress! :D :D :D
I'm glad about everything that happened in this chapter. They talked! And joint session, yessss!
Toshida-sensei is my hero ^^
Thank you for the update! Can't wait for the next one :D :D :D
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting! ♥
(and YES, my vacation was sooooo good <3)
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I jist hope that they can retain this progress when they don't have him available for support.
I am less mad at Sho now and can understand that he has his own pressures and problems as welll, but he had better not do anything to hurt Jun again.
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Yes, they both slowly need to work on their relationship on their own. And Sho should really be careful now not to hurt Jun again.
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So good to see Sho and Jun happy together!
Can't wait for next chapter.
Thank you!
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Yes, they are finally happy together it seems, right? :-)
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gosh welcome back 😘
At least they are trying to work it out now yehey for both of them. cant wait for next chapter.
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Yes, they are trying to work things out now. And understand each other better ^^
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I was pleasantly surprised at the length of this chapter! Toshida is so great and so cute when he suddenly shifts his behavior when talking to either Jun or Sho. I'm glad that they're now more open to each other. And it's nice to hear Jun's thoughts about the mind games thing (thanks to Toshida being so cool and all).
I wonder if the family dinner shows up here... and the vacation with only the two of them *wriggles eyebrows*
Interestingly, this chapter also made me realize that the whole story is really in Jun's POV. That we cannot really see Sho's thoughts unless Jun hears it. I like it this way. :3 Thanks for this!
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True, I never switched POVs here, right? I remember, when I started this, I wanted to keep this in one POV entirely ^^
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! ♥
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I hope that the trip is going well between the two. More like, I hope there are no problem and any mental breakdown between the two (especially Jun because he's in his vulnerable state). Once again, thank you for the update! I really love your stories <3
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Haha, yes, I guess you are right. Toshida comes off as a good buddy. But maybe that's his strategy? :D You are right though, Sho can't forgive himself easily, but he is on a good way now :-)
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The trip... well... they have learned a lot up to now, so let's see where it brought them ^^
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Their therapy session together was really intense. It's really interesting how they see each other :(
But now they can work on their relationship, it's getting better between them, and that's good.
Oh I am looking forward to their vacation - I hope that they don't fight there and just have fun with each other :P
Thanks for the update, dear ❤
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Everyone seems to be worried about their vacation ;-) Well, let's see what they are going to do (fun might play a big part in it ^^)
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Welcome back~...... Hope you have great time during your vacation..😆😆😆😆
Wow..... Toshida sensei sooo greaatt!!!! Hahahahhahaha i love their progress now.. And cause i know now about sho why he do that i have less hate toward him hahahahahahha
Kkkkkkk juuunn.... Your so kind n sweeet wkwkwkwkkwk about "dont be so hard to him" wkwkwkkwkkw......
Wow!!! Id love to read your fic again n again hehehehhhee thanks for sharing 😘😘😘😘
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They finally making some progress, right? And Sho could finally explain a few things. He should watch out from now on though and be a good boyfriend ;-)
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! ♥
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I love the progress. Now Jun is willing to try something with Sho. Look forward to the next chapter
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting! ♥