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yume_to_ame2017-04-26 06:35 pm
Rays of sunshine (Sakuraiba)
Pairing: Sakuraiba, hints of Junba
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, one-sided
Plot: Sho loves Aiba's smile the most, but unfortunately Aiba's smile is the brightest when he smiles at someone else.
Note: Written for
akhikaru from her wish meme list (it's your pompt nr. 3) :D Hope you will like it!
Aiba has a smile that will easily light up the room and turn every sadness into joy. And if it will not spread pure joy than at least it will diffuse gloomy feelings. Aiba’s smile is always real, and beautiful, and raw, he never needs to fake it. He is literally sunshine. Sho knows it because he has watched Aiba for so long.
He loves the smile Aiba shows him when they meet or hang out. It fills his stomach with warmth and makes his heart swell with love. Aiba always smiles honestly, a smile full of caring and interest. Sometimes he would smile encouragingly at Sho and just show him his support with it. His smile is open and true, and warms Sho’s heart because there is so much friendship in it.
Aiba has many different smiles. The one he shows Nino is the one with pure trust and joy, holding nothing back, no matter if he looks ugly while grinning stupidly or not. He will eat ramen and spit it out again because Nino says something funny, not caring if it’s gross or not. He is the closest with Nino, and probably shows him his most honest smile.
The smiles directed at Riida are ones with understanding and patience, and respect. Sometimes he will have a teasing smile though and be amused.
The smile Aiba shows Jun however is the most different one. He will be careful not to let it turn into a weird grin, like with Nino. It won’t ever be one of teasing amusement like with Riida. And it’s not full of friendship either, like the ones he shows Sho. He will not smile uncontrolled at Jun.
It took a while for Sho to understand why Aiba isn’t as real and raw in his emotions when it’s about Jun. Why he would carefully smile while checking his reflection in the mirror. Why he would sometimes smile although Jun doesn’t even say something interesting. Why sometimes his smiling lips would tremble slightly if Jun was angry. Whey his smile was strained and sad when Jun was sad. Why he would laugh when Jun didn’t even say a funny joke. Why he had a blissful smile sometimes when he came to the rehearsals together with Jun, stating they had met each other coincidentally on the way.
Sho’s heart aches when he puts the pieces together and understands. He watches how Jun and Aiba leave the room and hence leave the rest of them alone for a while. His heart feels like it’s breaking into little pieces. Did he wait too long? Why did he wait so long?
Nino plays on his Gameboy. “You need to let go, you know that, Sho-chan do you?”
Sho nods. He knows.
Ohno throws them a surprised look but doesn’t inquire further when Nino shoots him a warning glance. Nino reaches out his hand and squeezes Sho’s arm. “He respects you so much,” he says softly. “He always talks highly of you. He likes you so much.”
“But he doesn’t love me,” Sho states, his voice bland even to his own ears. It hurts so much that he can’t even voice his pain. His heart feels numb.
“No,” Nino says looking at Sho with equal worry, sympathy and honesty in his eyes. “He doesn’t love you.”
~~~
There are moments in which Sho thinks he should fight for Aiba, show him that he is perfect for him, that he will always put him on a pedestal, that he will always think of him, and be the perfect boyfriend for him.
But he knows he can’t. “I won’t do anything stupid,” he promises Nino when they are alone, and Nino went for a drink with him.
“Don’t tell that me,” Nino says quietly.
Sho looks up, eyes wide. “What do you mean?”
“He knows.”
“Who?” Sho asks in horror, and begs inwardly that Nino will tell him that Jun knows about his feelings, because really that would be the less embarrassing option.
“I’m so sorry,” Nino blurts out. “I never wanted to tell him. But Riida heard us talking the last time, and didn’t get anything at all, that idiot. And he asked me what we talked about when Aiba-chan was back and you weren’t there, and…”
“And Masaki connected the pieces,” Sho starts. He buries his head in his hands. “Shit, Nino, what am I going to do now? He was never supposed to know!”
“I know,” Nino says quietly. “I kicked Riida’s butt later. But he doesn’t think low of you because he knows. Masaki would never judge you or think bad of you.”
“I know he doesn’t,” Sho states, but the fact that Aiba didn’t know how much he loved him was his only protection from this horrible misery called reality. Like… damn it, it’s like his perfect mask was ripped down, and he is all vulnerable and naked now. His professional attitude was all he had to protect himself.
“I know,” Nino answers quietly, squeezing Sho’s hand. “I know, Sho-kun.”
~~~
Sho wishes Aiba wouldn’t smile at him that way. He hoped that maybe he would show him pity, because even this would have been better, but Aiba just smiles sadly. “I’m so sorry, Sho-chan, I’m so sorry,” he says, and his lips quiver.
“Don’t apologize,” Sho says with a hoarse voice.
“I really like you,” Aiba blurts out. “But not…”
“I know,” Sho says, his heart clenching painfully by the knowledge. He knew it all along. “You don’t love me.”
“I’m so sorry!” Aiba says again, and Sho is scared he might burst into tears soon. He isn’t smiling anymore.
“Aiba-chan,” Sho takes a deep breath. Aiba’s smile is the most beautiful thing in the world, he won’t let him lose it now. “Don’t feel bad. I’m happy to have you as my friend. We are still friends, aren’t we?”
“Of course,” Aiba blurts out.
“Just do me a favour though,” Sho begs.
Aiba looks at him curiously, full of hope that he can do something for Sho. “Of course, what do you want?”
“Don’t tell Jun-kun. I don’t want him to feel bad too. It’s enough that you know it. Please let my feelings remain as private as possible.”
Aiba nods, a smile curling around his lips. Sho knows he has lost entirely when he sees this smile. All it needed to appear was the mention of Jun’s name. Aiba probably doesn’t want to have the perfect, textbook boyfriend. He wants Jun, who talks to his bonsai trees, and teases him, who would fanboy sillily over a movie, who would cook for Aiba and force him to eat healthy not because he wants to please him but because he wants him to be healthy. Aiba wants Jun, who will be emotional sometimes and get angry, and won’t hold back his feelings.
Sho hasn’t seen it before, and it strikes him as even more painful when he does. Aiba’s pure smile full of love gets reflected in Jun’s. Jun will check his reflection in the mirror to see if he looks silly when he smiles, he will try not to grin too broadly because he would look silly then, he will laugh when Aiba makes a joke that isn’t even funny, he will smile softly and full of warmth when Aiba is nervous, smile sadly when they have a fight.
It’s the moment in which Sho realizes and learns that he can’t destroy any of his friends’ smiles.
He will get over it, he knows it, because he has to. Eventually one day he will be able to return Aiba’s smile, honestly, and purely as well, a smile full of friendship. Until then he has his friends, his family, and work, and he has Nino who knows his pain, who understands it, in a way that makes Sho wonder why he understands so well.
Nino nods towards him, showing him a supportive and encouraging smile. “You are strong, Sho-kun.”
Sho nods. “I know.”
Sho loves his friends, and his band. He will never do anything to hurt or damage them. He loves all four of them. And he loves Aiba’s pure smile. It shines the most when he looks at Jun. Just like Jun’s shines the most when he looks at Aiba.
Aiba’s smile is the reason Sho fell in love with him. Which is why he just can’t destroy it. He knows he will give his all to protect it.
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YOU WROTE IIIIT!!!!
I was having a shitty day, and this totally cheered me up. Ironic, because it's angsty, but I reeeeally wanted to read something like this :D :D :D :D
That last line, daaaamn!
Loved it! ^^
Thanks for writing it!!!
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♥
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That was so beautifully written and Sho is so loving to allow Aiba his happiness with Jun without interfering .
And what was up with Nino?? Who is he referring to??? *curious*
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Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥ I think in the end Sho understood that he will only remain a friend for Aiba, and he doesn't want to destroy Aiba or Jun.
(Nice that you caught up on Nino by the way. He might have his own unrequited feelings...)
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Second, lemme just point out a few parts that made my heart ache even more: Nino saying - oh so bluntly - that Aiba doesn't love Sho AND THIS:
"It’s the moment in which Sho realizes and learns that he can’t destroy any of his friends’ smiles."
AHHHHH. It hurts. I loved it. A lot. Thanks for sharing this with us! :)
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I know this is a bit on the angsty site, right? So glad you liked it despite that <3
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sankyu for sharing this ^ - ^
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! ♥
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Thanks so much for sharing this, I really loved reading it. <3 *hugs*
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thank you for sharing this
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