Shattered Smile: Chapter 3
Oct. 20th, 2017 09:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lilly0 posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
yume_to_amePairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG-13 (for now?)
Genre: romance, hurt&comfort
Plot: Young and ambitious medicine student Sho gets hired by wealthy Matsumoto-san to tutor his 19-year old son Jun. Jun spent months in hospital, they say, but now wants to get into a college. Soon Sho realizes that tutoring Jun is not all he needs to do. Jun seems to be broken, hiding from the world and not even opening up to his family anymore. I want to see him smile again, his father said, but no one tells Sho anything about what happened to Jun... It's incredible hard to put the broken pieces together again but Sho wants to try.
Note: This is my belated birthday story for
cielmelodies . I'm sorry it's soooo late!! I hope you will like it! Jun is like a lost puppy that needs to be cuddled.
“I wished he would talk to anyone,” Masaki mumbles sadly. “Last time I caught a glimpse on him – coincidentally – he looked so pale and fragile. Nothing like before. Like someone broke him.”
“Does he talk to your father?” Nino wants to know.
“Hardly,” Masaki explains. “Only to Matsumoto-san, and only when he is asked a question. But that’s about it.”
“He talks to me, I think,” Sho mumbles, blushing when he realizes the other two are staring at him now. “I mean, I tutor him, and he gives me answers and all…” he stutters, mentally kicking himself for saying what he did, because for sure Jun’s old friends will feel bad that Jun basically talks to a stranger but not to them.
To his surprise Nino nods though. “Makes sense,” Nino mumbles.
“How so?”
“Because he does everything his father tells him,” Masaki explains. “It wasn’t like this before. Jun actually hardly listened to his father. He was super-rebellious, but it seems like he wants to…”
“… obey.” Sho’s eyes go wide. All the time Jun agrees on everything and doesn’t say no when his father or he tell him to do something. He just wants to obey his father. He even wants to study law just to please him. He feels guilty for whatever reason.
“He is killing off everything he was before,” Nino points out. “His dreams, his hobbies, his wishes, his relationships. I think he doesn’t want to remember…”
“Maybe he blames us for not being there to save him?” Masaki asks.
“No,” Sho mumbles, recalling the way Jun hides behind his hair and how he stares at the ground all the time. “It’s more like he is punishing himself.” The realization makes Sho feel incredibly sad. Jun is just 19, he should be happy and have fun and meet with his friends. He should do things he enjoys and not lock himself away from the world.
“Promise me to try to help him,” Nino begs. “Because as it’s now you are the only one he talks to. You are not his father, which means he doesn’t only talk to you because he has to. He probably does because he misses talking to someone.”
Sho nods tentatively.
“Here,” Nino reaches out his phone, and Sho looks at it dumbfounded, not sure what Nino wants to show him with it. It’s only after a minute that he realizes it’s not just a photo with Nino and a random friend at the beach, but a photo with Jun. Jun has tied his hair back in bun, a huge smirk on his face, eyes sparkling in mischief while he has thrown an arm around Nino’s shoulder. He is sunburnt and looks so confident that Sho is inclined to believe he has a secret twin brother.
I want to see the light back in his eyes again, his father said. Jun hasn’t understood yet that his father doesn’t want him to turn into an obedient kid that suppresses all emotions but that he simply wants his child back.
“I will try to help,” Sho nods earnestly. He is not going to drop Jun. He doesn’t even know why, but he has touched his heart already, and Sho knows he wants to help him.
~~~
When he is walking back home, without Masaki, because the latter is staying behind and chatting with Nino, he realizes how much of a good friend they both are. He has never had any friends himself. Not like that. He has had classmates he kinda liked, but none of them even remotely cared for him like these two do for Jun. He has always studied most of the time and focused on other things.
Sho swallows when they realisation hits him. Somehow Jun is the first sort-of friend he has. Weird, isn’t it? He is the one supposed to help Jun, and now he already feels so attached to this guy himself.
When Sho reaches the house he sees a dim light coming from Jun’s window much to his surprise. Is Jun still awake? Or did he just wake up and go to the bathroom? Despite the light in Jun’s room Sho tries to be as silent as possible, he takes his shoes off at the entrance door and taps upstairs silently, just drops his bag and jacket in his room and sneaks to the bathroom. In case Jun sleeps he doesn’t want him to wake up. While he brushes his teeth he does wonder though why Jun is still awake. It’s way past 2AM and even if he didn’t sleep when Sho left to go out, why would he still be awake now?
Sho puts his toothbrush aside and frowns slightly. Before going back to his own room, he carefully approaches Jun’s. There is dim light coming from under the door. Jun does not sleep with his light on, Sho knows because this part of the corridor is always pitch-black normally. For a moment Sho lingers in front of the door, feeling creepy by doing that. He is about to walk away again before someone actually sees him being creepy when he hears a soft rustling sound, just like before he left.
Damn it. Sho frowns. It’s just a feeling, and probably silly, but… He knocks against the door, deciding to just go with what his sixth sense tell him. The rustling noise stops. “Jun-kun?” he whispers and opens the door carefully.
He needs a while to adapt to his surroundings, he has never been in Jun’s room before. When he finally sees Jun, the sight in front of him makes him freeze. Jun is half sitting, half lying on the floor, somehow squeezed between the table and the wall. “Jun-kun!?” Sho calls out, closes the door behind him and hurries towards Jun.
Jun looks at him in exhaustion while Sho moves the desk away. It’s only then that he realizes that Jun probably wasn’t able to get up alone, caught in a position that made him stuck. Sho feels angry all of a sudden. “Are you nuts!?” he yells angrily. “How long are you lying on the ground?”
Jun looks away, cheeks flushed, but Sho cups his chin and turns his face to make him look at him. “You were already lying here before I went out, weren’t you?”
Jun nods meekly.
“Why the heck didn’t you call for help!?” Sho huffs, while he grabs Jun’s arm, carefully pulling him up and making him sit down on his sofa, before he stands in front of him, hands on his hips. “You could have gotten hurt like this! Or catch a cold! There is no shame at all to ask for help! Were you seriously planning to lie here until morning when Aiba-san wakes you up?”
“I’m sorry,” Jun stutters.
“Everyone here is worried for you and always thinks about your health! How about you do that too?” Sho scolds. “I get that you don’t want to bother anyone and that you feel embarrassed, but I guess you simply stumbled and dropped in a way where you couldn’t pull yourself up anymore, am I right?”
Jun nods.
“The next time something like this happens you are going to call for help, you hear me?”
Again Jun nods, his lips quivering slightly. To Sho’s horror he has tears in his. Sho lets out an exhausted sigh and sits down next to Jun. He puts an arm around Jun’s shoulder and pulls him into a warm hug. “Sorry,” Sho says softly. “I didn’t mean to scare you by yelling at you.”
“You were right with scolding me,” Jun says quietly, his voice shaking slightly.
Sho smiles softly, his fingers brushing through Jun’s hair soothingly. Jun’s body feels a bit cold, probably from sitting on the ground for too long. “It’s okay now. Let’s prevent it from happening again, alright?”
Jun looks up at him through his big eyes, teardrops caught in his long eyelashes. He looks so beautiful that Sho has to take a little breath to calm down.
“I’m sorry,” Jun says again, looking like a lost puppy again.
“If you keep making this face and looking like a scared puppy the wolves will come out and eat you,” Sho teases.
Jun blushes. “Wolves don’t eat puppies,” he mumbles.
“Are you sure?” Sho teases. “Because wolves eat just anything.”
Jun stares at him for a while and something about the way he looks at him openly makes Sho so happy. Two weeks ago Jun was still hiding behind his hair, only looking at the ground.
“But you said you’d protect me,” Jun points out carefully “Didn’t you?”
Jun’s innocent question takes Sho’s breath away. He hasn’t expected this reaction at all. He thought Jun would maybe get embarrassed or shy or even angry, but not remember Sho’s words.
“I will.”
Even though he might be the wolf himself.
~~~
“No,” Sho states firmly.
“But why?” Jun shifts around nervously, hands playing with the sleeve of his huge sweater. He is wearing one that is at least two sizes too big for him, swallowing half of his body, and has a hoodie attached to it which Jun just pulled over his head. It’s so big it almost covers half his face.
“I told you: No hiding your face!”
“But we are going outside,” Jun mumbles.
“So what?”
“They might talk to me.”
Sho sighs. So that’s it. “We are going to stay away from public places. And I’m here too. If you feel uncomfortable when people approach us, just rely on me.” He points at Jun’s huge hoodie. “But I will only accompany you if you change your clothes!”
Jun blinks. “You are not going with me like this?”
“No,” Sho states firmly, though he obviously would go anywhere with Jun, no matter what Jun wears. To his surprise the latter turns around and goes back upstairs without saying anything. Sho shifts around nervously. Did he upset Jun? Is he being too pushy?
He is still wondering if he should ask Aiba-san for help when Jun comes back, carefully climbing down the stairs with the help of his crutches. He is wearing a loose black vest and a black hat.
He is still hiding, but it’s a small step forward. Sho smiles proudly. “Good,” he says, offering Jun his arm. Jun returns his smile carefully, and it makes Sho’s stomach flutter in joy. “Let’s go.”
Jun needs more time to walk, obviously, but he tries hard and Sho does his best to adjust to his tempo. Sometimes Jun tries to walk on his own without relying on Sho’s arm or shoulder, and Sho lets him while watching him carefully, to be there in case he falls. His heart jumps when Jun sometimes grabs his arm or shoulder by himself, without apologizing or hiding his need for support. It makes Sho happy that Jun seems to rely on him now and accepts his own borders.
They take a small even path towards the lake. Sho has already seen it a few nights ago when he was out with Nino and Masaki, but seeing it now with Jun is different. Jun leads him through a narrow path though which worries Sho instantly.
“Are you sure this is the right path, Jun-kun?
“Yes.” Jun blushes. “It’s one of my favourite spots at the lake. But if you don’t want to… we could also…”
“I would love to see your favourite places,” Sho interrupts him softly. He wishes Jun would slowly get more confident around him and not always self-doubt himself.
Jun doesn’t say anything but his cheeks are coloured in a light pink. Almost like a peach. Sho wishes he could pinch his cheeks a bit to intensify the colour. Maybe one day, he thinks, maybe one day he can.
He almost blushes at his own thoughts.
Jun’s favourite place happens to be the most idyllic spot Sho has ever encountered. It’s a small clearing next to the sea with a beautifully ornate bench and a small table. There is a small beach with flat stones leading the way into the water.
Sho makes sure that Jun sits down on the bench safely before he himself excitedly walks around to look at this beautiful spot of nature. When he comes back to Jun, he realizes he probably went a bit overboard with his excitement. “Sorry,” Sho stutters. “I’m a city-boy.”
Jun chuckles, and it’s the first time Sho actually sees him smile or laugh. It’s such a beautiful sound that Sho wishes he would hear it again. As fast as it came it’s gone again, and it seems like Jun suddenly realized he laughed, and bites down on his tongue to hold it back. He looks guilty all of a sudden.
“You should laugh more,” Sho advices softly while he unpacks the box Aiba-san gave him. It’s filled with little snacks for them. “You have a beautiful laugh.”
Jun looks away, sudden pain flashing in his eyes. “Why are you so scared to laugh?” Sho asks quietly, reaching out his hand to cup Jun’s cheek and turn his head to face him. To his surprise Jun not only lets him, but also rests his own hand against his. “Jun-kun,” Sho urges carefully. He has never been one to pick his words particularly carefully or to overthink what he says, but somehow with Jun many things are different. “Your family wants you to be happy, you know that, don’t you?”
Jun shakes his head quietly, but doesn’t pull his hand away. “I can’t…”he mumbles. “I can’t go back to it. This time I’m going to make it all right. I’ll do whatever they want me to do.”
It’s a lot more than Jun normally tells him, yet Sho doesn’t get it all. Where can’t he go back to? What the heck happened? Sho already figured a while back that Jun does everything according to his father’s wishes to please him. He has basically erased all his own wishes and dreams. But what for?
“What made you so sad, Jun?” Sho digs deeper. Jun’s eyes shift to the side, and Sho knows that’s as far as he can get for today. He moves his hand away from Jun’s cheek and brushes through his hair. “Do you want to hear a poem?”
“A poem?” Jun asks carefully.
“I brought the book with poems I’m currently reading with me,” Sho explains, noting with surprise how there is an interest sparking in Jun’s eyes. He decides to go with the flow. He originally wanted to study a bit of biology with Jun, but now… “I thought we could build our lesson today around literature.”
~~~
“Satoshi comes home this weekend,” Matsumoto says with a bright smile while they are having dinner together. Jun looks more tired than usual, probably because he went outside, but his facial colour looks fresher. After his father’s announcement though he gets pale.
“Satoshi?” Sho asks curiously, eyeing Jun, but the latter just looks away, not saying anything.
“My other son. Jun’s older brother.”
Sho nods and listens in awe, when Matsumoto tells him about Satoshi who studies law and is doing well, it seems. However, Sho notices how Jun keeps quiet throughout the whole talk and at one point even excuses himself and goes to his room. “Is there a problem between Jun and his brother?” Sho asks bluntly. He has learned that in this house he is getting much further when he voices his thoughts directly.
Matsumoto tilts his head. “Satoshi loves Jun dearly. Actually he is very protective of Jun. A little overprotective even. He has always been like that. When Jun and I fought he always stepped between us.”
Jun can actually argue and fight with someone? Sho can’t even imagine that Jun was actually able to argue verbally. He is so shy and nervous. And if Satoshi loves his brother so much, why will Jun react so badly to the news that his brother visits them?
“Really?” Sho blinks. “But Jun’s reaction just now…”
Matsumoto keeps quiet for a moment. “You know, one year ago Satoshi tried to stop Jun from…” he pauses. “Well, he might want to tell you himself about it,” he finally says. “But you know, it’s all in Jun’s head. That’s the problem.”
A/N: I'm kinda addicted to shy bunny!Jun hiding behind his huge oversized sweaters. *lol* I realized while proof reading this, that it's a recurring image I put in this fic. :-)
So, we now know that Satoshi is Jun's older brother, and that something is off between them. Well actually a lot of things are off.
no subject
Date: 2017-10-20 10:43 pm (UTC)Spot! Will reply once I wake up ^^What happened to Jun? :o tbh, I don't really like the way his father goes "it's all in Jun's head" >> That's such a... callous way of saying it, as direct as it is. >> I feel bad for Jun. I wonder what he did, or what happened to him and why D: I hope Sho can help him ASAP. Poor bb deserves more love, even if he doesn't feel so.
I shall eagerly wait for next week's chapterrrr :3
no subject
Date: 2017-10-27 05:55 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your comment, my dear! ♥
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Date: 2017-10-21 02:13 am (UTC)Don't give up Sho! Make him open up himself to you!
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Date: 2017-10-27 05:56 pm (UTC)Sho is really working hard to make Jun open up, right?
Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
no subject
Date: 2017-10-21 02:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-10-27 05:56 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
no subject
Date: 2017-10-21 09:16 am (UTC)I feel really sorry for Nino and Masaki though. It must be so hard for them to not be able to talk to Jun, and try to help him out of his pit of despair.
Sho seems to be making some progress. I wonder what will happen when Satoshi returns though. It seems that Jun will be very distressed.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2017-10-27 05:58 pm (UTC)You are right, it is really hard on Masaki and Nino, because they are bascially locked out, and they can't just walk to Jun's place (like his father)
Yes, out of specific reasons Jun is distressed because Satoshi returns...
Thanks so much for your sweet comment and support, my friend! ♥
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Date: 2017-10-22 03:42 am (UTC)But I wonder what happened D: Was Satoshi involved somehow???
Will be waiting for the next one! Thanks for the update ^^
no subject
Date: 2017-10-27 05:58 pm (UTC)Well, something indeed happened between Satoshi and Jun...
Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
no subject
Date: 2017-10-22 07:56 am (UTC)Hope finds the perfect situation in time to take Jun into his arms and just ask him what the hell happened. And it is just in his head - get to make him realise that too.
Taking "accidentally" poetry with you while going to a romantic lake with a guy you find cute ?!? I am not sure that was what Mr. Matsumoto had in mind ... (thinking ahead I hope that he is really happy with whatever makes Jun happy).
no subject
Date: 2017-10-27 06:00 pm (UTC)Jun really needs Sho's presence. (Haha, yes, what a nice coincidence for Sho that he had romantic poems with him ^^)
Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
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Date: 2017-10-23 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-10-27 06:00 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
no subject
Date: 2017-11-03 02:38 pm (UTC)I am curious about Ohno.
Thanks for the update 💙
no subject
Date: 2017-11-19 07:22 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for reading and commenting! ♥