Imbalance: 06 Prowl

[lilly0]

Title: Imbalance 06: Prowl
Pairing: Sakumoto, Juntoshi
Rating: R
Genre: romance, somewhat angsty?
Plot: It's always been okay for him to be the person in a relationship who loves more.
Note: This is akhikaru 's fault, and also learashi , with their prompt tables and awesome drabble series <3  I've decided to treat this like a challenge. I'm using a prompt-table from lj, and will write these drabbles as they come to my mind, withoug planning anything in advance. It's going to be one story in the end, but the drabbles won't be posted in the correct timeline.

This is the correct timeline up to now:  01: Lively, 04 Heavy, 05 Forward, 06 Prowl, 02 Remorseful, 03 Dismiss

Jun is dancing. He has realized that dancing sets his mind much more at ease than anything else. It just feels so relaxing to do that. Masaki’s advice about finding hobbies is always in his mind, still he hasn’t even realized how dancing became a hobby for him. He likes to visit a club here and there and just dance in whatever way he feels like.

 

At the bar he orders a mojito. It’s then when he sees Satoshi again. His heart almost skips a few beats in shock. It’s like a trip back into the past to see his face.

 

A trip into his fucking childhood, and even more horrible teenage years that led to his initial breakdown in his early twenties.

 

“Jun-kun,” Satoshi approaches him with a smile. “I haven’t seen you in a long while, how have you been?”

 

Jun swallows. Satoshi reminds him of a lot of things. He was his senpai at school and college, someone who always supported him, and everything about him, except for his relationship with Sho. As long as Jun remembers Sho and Satoshi hated each other, even back in school, although they were classmates.

 

“I’m fine, thank you,” Jun says, carefully avoiding using the past tense for his statement, because he hasn’t been fine for a long while, but at the moment he is.

 

Satoshi looks around curiously. “Are you alone here?”

 

“I’m not here with Sho-san, if that’s what you want to know,” Jun says dryly, and it’s the first time in a long while he actually says Sho’s name out loud like this, and doesn’t have a breakdown afterwards.

 

Satoshi blushes. Got you, Jun thinks with a grin. He had a crush on Satoshi years ago, right before he fell completely for Sho. Satoshi was just always so… sweet, and Jun felt attracted to his caring and kindness. To Jun it seems that back then it didn’t need much for him to fall for someone. Satoshi was nice, and that was enough for him to like him.

 

In between his years long on-off relationship with Sho he had an affair with Satoshi too. It didn’t work out, obviously, because Jun still loved Sho so much.

 

“So how is Sho-san?” Satoshi asks casually, sitting down next to Jun.

 

Jun blinks, only realizing now that he might have phrased his previous statement wrongly, that it was probably misleading. And that Satoshi doesn’t even know that they haven’t been a thing for a long while already. “It’s not like that,” he says with a chuckle. “I haven’t met Sho in years.”

 

Satoshi blinks in surprise. “Is that true?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“I…” Satoshi shakes his head. “I… okay.” Jun knows why he reacts like that, why he can’t quite believe it. Satoshi knows more than anyone else how obsessed Jun was with Sho after all. It has to be hard for him to believe that Jun left Sho behind like this.

 

“You know, Jun, I tried to call you so many times,” Satoshi shifts the topic, much to Jun’s relief not asking anything about Sho. Satoshi has always been good at distracting Jun from his problems with Sho. “But it seems you changed your  number? I even visited your apartment once, but you aren’t living there anymore?”

 

Jun swallows. He changed his number because he wanted to cut off anyone he knew from the past, except for Kazu. And he changed his apartment out of similar reasons and because he was in inpatient care. “Yeah, my old phone broke, that’s why. And I didn’t want to live alone so I moved in with a roommate,” he says, deciding twisting the truth is okay.

 

He feels guilty all of a sudden. Satoshi never did anything to him. It was rather the other way round: Satoshi supported him, and caught him whenever he was about to drop too deep. And he just cut him from his life like that…

 

Satoshi nods. “So,” he says with a careful smile. “Can I have your number now?”

 

The feeling of guilt slowly disappears, and Jun is feeling relaxed again. It’s typical for Satoshi not to sound reproachful or alike. He doesn’t say something alongside the lines of: Why didn’t you give me your new number? What did I do to you to be cut from your life? Wasn’t I always nice to you? Weren’t we friends?

 

Maybe that’s the reason why Jun decides to give Satoshi his new number. He is not sure if it’s the right thing to do, because he doesn’t want to rip open old wounds, but at the same time it doesn’t feel like the wrong thing either.

 

“Care for a dance?” Ohno asks casually.

 

Jun nods, a careful smile on his lips. “Sure.”

 

 

A/N: so there is another one of my drabbles. I don't even know how much there will be. I guess, until the story feels complete? This follows the last drabble, and is set after Jun's second time in hospital and therapy.
He meets Ohno again, after he bascially left everything from his school life behind.

As for time span and age: The story starts with Jun as a young teen. Goes through his High School and college times. He is in his mid 20s here.

Comments

[learashi]

I kind of feel that it would have been better for Jun if he hadn't given his number to Satoshi. For the sake of his mental health, perhaps it would have been better to break cleanly with the past?
I guess I am feeling as mixed up as Jun obviously is. Heh.
Please keep writing these. I like it when you mess with my mind.

[lilly0]

Yes, maybe that's true... I mean for Jun it might be better to leave his past behind completely. But then Ohno was always really kind to him, so I think for him it wasn't possible to push him aside... As you said, it's a difficult situation ><
Thanks so much for your comment, dear! ♥

[akhikaru]

Well, well, well... more information, I like that!
But... seeing how things turn out for them... I wonder if this was really good or not :/
Thanks for the update! Will be waiting for the next one! :D

[lilly0]

Yeah, I wonder too... Maybe it was not the right thing to do, but Ohno was always very supportive and kind to Jun, so I guess Jun had no other option but to give him his number?
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! ♥

[leiva21]

Whether it's a wrong or right decision to give his number to Satoshi, I guess either way Jun will have to give it to him since Satoshi has asked nicely and I don't think he wants to hurt Satoshi by refusing.

[lilly0]

It's just like you said: Jun really just had to give him his number. Satoshi asked nicely, plus he was someone who always supported Jun in the past and who was a good friend.
Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥

[yukitsubute]

I don't know if it's good to give Ohno his number...but maybe it helps Jun.

Thanks for the update. 💜

[lilly0]

Yes, we don't know yet if it's going to be a bad or good decision!
Thanks so much for reading, dear <3

[yuuki_73]

sweet Ohno... hard to resist indeed.

I like your clarifying notes.