Imbalance: 09 Impulse
Jul. 26th, 2017 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lilly0 posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
yume_to_amePairing: Sakumoto, Juntoshi
Rating: R
Genre: romance, somewhat angsty?
Plot: It's always been okay for him to be the person in a relationship who loves more.
Note: This is
akhikaru 's fault, and also learashi , with their prompt tables and awesome drabble series <3 I've decided to treat this like a challenge. I'm using a prompt-table from lj, and will write these drabbles as they come to my mind, withoug planning anything in advance. It's going to be one story in the end, but the drabbles won't be posted in the correct timeline. The art gallery is his pride, truly. He slowly started building it up after he left the inpatient care. Photography became his hobby, his passion. Of course he has another job too, because art just doesn’t pay enough. Twenty hours a week he is working at a pastry shop that belongs to his friend Shun. He loves creating chocolates and cakes, and as they sell well, Shun is eager to have him stay at his shop. He met Shun after he got back from therapy, and he and Nino decided they needed to have a social life again, and went to an ikebana class. It just so happened that only old people were there, Nino only came along once, and then there was Shun. He was calm and friendly, and Jun carefully warmed up to him.
The bell above the door indicates that someone enters the gallery. It’s early for a visitor, because mostly they come later at night. However it’s not that unusual either. It’s only when Jun hears the voice behind him that the blood freezes in his veins. “Excuse me, please, I heard you are selling photography from the last exhibition in-“ The voice trails off and gets an octave higher, in obvious shock. “Jun-kun!? Is that you!?”
Jun spins around, stumbling while he does so. It’s Sho! What… why? It can’t be!
Sho reaches out to help him, but Jun catches himself before it. Sho. It’s Sho. His heart races like crazy. How… when… he didn’t expect to see Sho again. Like, ever.
He looks older now, his face rounder, no coloured hair and piercing anymore. He looks… settled. Jun lacks the ability to put into words what he feels when seeing Sho again. It's like moments from the past are in front of his eyes again, like a movie. He is an actor in this movie, it feels like he is watching himself, falling for Sho so hard and being so dependent on him to a point where his love turned into something self-destructive. Jun tries to understand now, how it came so far, how he could allow it to get so far, but he knows he cannot change the past and he cannot win back all these lost years. He just wonders how Sho feels about everything, how he felt back then. Maybe their love was just as destructive for him as it was for Jun.
Jun tries to go for a professional smile. “Sho-san?” he asks, like they are just casual acquaintances and not to people who were bound to each other for years. Like they didn’t have a years long relationship that almost ruined their sanity.
“Jun,” Sho still stares at him in shock. “It’s really you! I can’t believe it! I… I looked for you so long. You just disappeared. You left no trace! You… are you well? Are you doing well? Oh god, I can’t believe it!”
Other than when he met Satoshi for the first time in years there is slight reproach in Sho’s voice. It’s not like Jun can’t understand it though, because he is sure Sho didn’t understand what happened. He didn’t know what truly went on. “I had no choice,” Jun says calmly.
“You had no choice but to suddenly disappear and even delete your social media? There was no way to reach you,” Sho says with insistence. “And no one knew where you were! I asked everyone!”
It makes Jun feel relieved that Sho cared enough for him to ask people about Jun’s whereabouts, and actually search for him. “You make it sound like I really hid,” Jun says with a frown, eyebrows furrowed now. “But I didn’t truly hide. It’s just that no one really cared enough to know any details about me.”
“I cared!” Sho points out, his voice shaking. “I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend, and we were messed up as kids, I was messed up, but I cared.”
“We were over, Sho-san,” Jun says. “We were so over. Even before our definite break-up. I thought it’s better for us to never see each other again.”
“But I still cared. I didn’t stop caring just because we broke up,” Sho mumbles sadly. “I don’t even understand.”
“Of course you don’t,” Jun says bitterly. “Because you never did.”
“Yes,” Sho agrees much to Jun’s surprise, his voice shivering in a way Jun has never heard it before. “Maybe I never did understand. I never tried. Never put effort into understanding anyone.”
Jun can’t do anything else but stare at Sho in mere disbelief. He is not used to hearing Sho admitting to a mistake or to any weakness in general. The Sho he knows would have been sarcastic, and easily irritated, he would have been angry, and maybe already blamed Jun for everything.
Jun’s first initial thought was and still is to throw Sho out, just to get rid of the images of the past, things that still haunt him at night, but at the same time he remembers Masaki’s advice, how it’s not helping him to cut off his past completely. He is just running. He can’t run away from his past forever.
It’s not like he hates Sho, but he hates how he himself was when he was with Sho, and how his relationship brought forward all the bad in him.
He puts the pictures in his hands aside, and before he can change his mind and turn into his cowardly self again, without thinking further he rolls up the sleeves of his sweater, turning his arms so that Sho can take a look at them. Sho stares at them for a while, his eyes widening in horror, then he looks up at Jun. “Jun…” he stutters, lips quivering. “I… what… when… it’s… I didn’t even know.”
“I know,” Jun says firmly, surprised himself by how sure he sounds. “It’s not your fault, I've learned that it's not that simple to blame something or someone for it, but still it took me years to go through recovery. So please understand that looking back is difficult for me.” He pauses. “I had no choice,” he admits quietly. “But to leave back everything I know and everything I was.”
A/N: So, Sho is back! This is pretty much very late in the timeline. Jun and Sho haven't seen each other for years, Jun went through recovery, dated Satoshi and broke up with him.
I wonder if Sho and Jun have an actual chance later on as a couple, or if things were ruined too much, to a point where they can't be mend again?
no subject
Date: 2017-07-27 10:25 am (UTC)I am happy that Jun seems much stronger here. 💜
no subject
Date: 2017-08-02 03:58 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for reading this, dear! ♥
no subject
Date: 2017-07-27 09:07 pm (UTC)Thanks for the update ❤
no subject
Date: 2017-08-02 03:59 pm (UTC)I wonder about that too... I have no idea how his relationships with Satoshi and Sho are going to continue *lol*
Thanks so much for reading and commenting <3
no subject
Date: 2017-07-28 02:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-08-02 04:00 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
no subject
Date: 2017-07-29 05:22 am (UTC)Well, I think this meeting could be good for the two of them. Jun is stronger and Sho is more mature, but it seems they still needed a real closure. Hopefully, this will turn out well :)
Thank you for the update! ^^
no subject
Date: 2017-08-02 04:01 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
no subject
Date: 2018-08-29 04:28 am (UTC)