Imbalance: 14 Awkward
Aug. 22nd, 2017 08:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lilly0 posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
yume_to_amePairing: Sakumoto, Juntoshi
Rating: R
Genre: romance, somewhat angsty?
Plot: It's always been okay for him to be the person in a relationship who loves more.
Note: This is
akhikaru 's fault, and also learashi , with their prompt tables and awesome drabble series <3 I've decided to treat this like a challenge. I'm using a prompt-table from lj, and will write these drabbles as they come to my mind, withoug planning anything in advance. It's going to be one story in the end, but the drabbles won't be posted in the correct timeline01: Lively, 07: Cut, 13: Voice, 10: Hush, 11 Morals, 08 Compromise, 04 Heavy, 05 Forward, 06 Prowl, 12 Engage, 02 Remorseful, 03 Dismiss, 09 Impulse, 14 Awkward,
Nino stares at Sho like he is an alien, a being from a different planet. Jun has dragged Sho to their place, mainly because Sho was genuinely worried about him and genuinely relieved to see him… and he had a genuine breakdown, something Jun hasn’t seen ever before. After Jun showed him the scars on his arms, Sho went into panic mode, his breath rattling. Jun had to call the ambulance. The old Sho would have never reacted like that to anyone. It’s not like Jun feels comfortable having Sho somewhere close to him, but unfortunately his common sense tells him he can’t let things be like they are now.
“Why is he here?” Nino silently whispers towards Jun while they are preparing something in the kitchen, looking at him accusingly.
“Because I want to move on,” Jun answers quietly. “I want my past to be my past. Sending him away, and hating him, just to love him again is an old pattern. I want to deal with him like any other person would do.” He pauses. “He is not a bad person, Kazu.”
“He was an ass, a jerk to you,” Nino points out. “Can’t you remember? The many times he hurt you? When he pushed you away? When he was unfriendly?”
“I didn’t forget anything,” Jun says quietly. Sometimes the past still hurts. “I still don’t understand why he was that way, but I know that he was in a very bad place too. He was a horrible boyfriend, but he never did anything to me. He was messed up, just like I was messed up. He is not at fault for my sickness. I was the one who cut myself, not him. He is not even the reason for it, he is just the trigger. It took me long to realize that.”
“I approve of that,” Masaki intervenes in their talk. Nino called him immediately when he saw Sho, apparently fearing the consequences of Sho being here. Sometimes Jun wonders if Nino is truly over all the things that happened, and all the things Jun did to himself. “When you see him what do you feel?”
“I feel sad and embarrassed,” Jun admits quietly.
“Why?”
“Sad because of all the memories, good and bad ones, and for how everything went down for the both of us. Embarrassed for how addicted I was to every kind word that left his lips, for how addicted I was to him. It’s like I couldn’t even see anything else but him. I was dependent on him and this relationship. I wonder how pressured he felt.”
Jun takes the sushi Masaki hands him and walks back to the living room. He can see how Masaki is holding Nino back, forcing him to stay behind.
“Do you want to eat something?” Jun asks quietly, not really looking at Sho.
Sho stares at the food blankly. He is older now, there are a few wrinkles gracing his face. His hair is brown, expression serious, there apparently is not much of that angry kid left in him. “You said it’s not my fault. But it is.”
“Did you take a knife to cut me?” Jun asks dryly.
“No.”
“It’s not your fault,” Jun says with insistence. “It’s a mental disorder, a mental sickness, which comes from a time long before the both of us were together.”
Sho looks at him through huge eyes, he looks sad. “I will never forgive myself for the pain I most likely put you through. We both know that had I been more sensitive, more considerate, looking at other people aside of myself, I would have noticed something was off. We were sleeping with each other and I didn’t even see or feel your scars, that’s how blind I was.” He pauses. “Satoshi was my best friend once,” he admits quietly. “We were childhood friends. He was always there for me, until I turned into this asshole I was in school. I ruined our friendship too. He hasn’t talked to me since years, since that incident in the schoolyard.”
Jun stays quiet. He is not sure what to say to these words. A part of him, a petty and angry part, has always wished for Sho to feel forever guilty and miserable, to suffer endlessly, but seeing him now, he realizes that it doesn’t help him that Sho feels miserable, that it doesn’t make himself feel better. Having Sho look at him through this sad eyes does not make him feel good.
He is responsible for his own happiness.
“The tuna sushi is particularly good,” Jun says quietly. “Taste it.”
A/N: It felt so weird to write how these two interact with each other again, after years. Well, I think we can say that Sho really changed? I'll eventually post a few drabbles with Sho/Jun as teens, and young!Sho.
The schoolyard incident will be revealed too ^^
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Date: 2017-08-22 06:48 pm (UTC)Poor Nino. I can see why he is so nervous, but Jun seems to be handling this well.
I am glad that Masaki is there too though.
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Date: 2017-09-05 06:59 pm (UTC)He had some growing up to do ^^
Thanks so much for reaidng!! ♥
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Date: 2017-08-23 03:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-09-05 06:59 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
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Date: 2017-08-24 04:39 pm (UTC)It's good that he has Masaki and Nino around to support him too :)
Thank you for sharing this with us! :D
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Date: 2017-09-05 07:00 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! ♥
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Date: 2017-08-27 06:19 pm (UTC)Thanks for the update 💜
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Date: 2017-09-05 07:01 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your comment, dear <3
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Date: 2018-08-29 04:34 am (UTC)