Imbalance: 20 Shield
Oct. 17th, 2017 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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yume_to_ameTitle: Imbalance 20: Shield
Pairing: Sakumoto, Juntoshi
Rating: R
Genre: romance, somewhat angsty?
Plot: It's always been okay for him to be the person in a relationship who loves more.
Note: This is
akhikaru 's fault, and also learashi , with their prompt tables and awesome drabble series <3 I've decided to treat this like a challenge. I'm using a prompt-table from lj, and will write these drabbles as they come to my mind, withoug planning anything in advance. It's going to be one story in the end, but the drabbles won't be posted in the correct timeline01: Lively, 07: Cut, 13: Voice, 10: Hush, 11 Morals, 08 Compromise, 15 Lower, 04 Heavy, 05 Forward, 06 Prowl, 12 Engage, 02 Remorseful, 03 Dismiss, 09 Impulse, 14 Awkward, 16 Plead, 17 Caring, 18 Believe, 19 Found, 20 Shield
Ohno orders fish with rice, as always. That’s the good thing about Ohno, Jun thinks, he is steady. It’s something Jun always liked about him.
“You know,” Ohno says after Jun ordered his own food. Soba with tempura. He has gotten a diet plan from hospital and Masaki has pointed with a warning finger at him after he got released. So, Jun tries to eat properly now and not forget about it. “I thought you would never want to see me again.” He looks at Jun through such longing and loving eyes that Jun almost feels like bursting into tears. He slowly starts to understand that it probably has always been there.
“Satoshi-san,” he bows his head deeply in front of Ohno. “I’m sorry, please accept my apology.”
“Are you nuts,” Ohno stutters. “Stop it. I’m feeling embarrassed.”
“I just wanted to thank you and apologize to you, because I know that as a teen and student I would have gone crazy without you. You have always been there for me.”
“Jun-kun,” Ohno says quietly. “Please, stop it, it’s nothing really.”
Jun has tears in his eyes. “It’s just… You were so patient, you were there to catch me whenever Sho and I broke up and I felt lost. You found me every time, you protected me. And when I recovered after therapy and we met again, you didn’t stop until you found me and instantly forgave me for cutting you from my life. Though it was never your fault, though you did nothing wrong. I was so horrible. I just… I cut you from my life, although you were always there.”
Ohno takes Jun’s hand. “Stop it,” he says softly. “Please, Jun, you were sick. I knew you were sick, even when we were kids, even in college. I saw the scars on your arms although you hid them, I realized that there is more to it than just mere accidents or coincidences. But I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want to lose you and hurt you which is why I never said anything. It was wrong, I should have talked to the counsellor at college back then.”
“You didn’t know how to deal with it,” Jun says quietly. “Heck, in your position I wouldn’t have known what to do either.”
“I’m too passive,” Ohno says. “You are thanking me, but in reality I did nothing for you. I was there for you, so what? I didn’t call a doctor when I saw you were hurting. I didn’t talk to you about it. I didn’t punch Sho… well except for that one time. I didn’t try to talk senses into Sho. In a way I left him hanging too. And then I found you again, and had you in my arms, this time for real as my boyfriend, but because I was scared to lose you again, I never told you I love you and played indifferent, until you left.”
“You are too hard on yourself,” Jun says with a sad smile. “You were there. You call it nothing. But you being there is more than anyone else did for me aside of Nino. I understand a lot more now. I understand that you loved me but always tried to put me and my feelings first.” Jun’s lips quiver. “When we met again after my recovery, it was too early for me to get back into a relationship, especially with someone out of my past. I left you because I was uncertain, because I never wanted to love someone too deeply again.”
“You were afraid you would fall deeply for me?” Ohno asks carefully.
Jun nods, his eyes shimmering with tears. “I was afraid that history would repeat itself,” he admits. “Which is why I left.”
“Jun,” Ohno says after a while. “You did what you had to do. The same goes for when you cut all your ties with your past. You had to do it or you wouldn’t have recovered. Of course I was sad and worried, and maybe even angry, but once I saw you again and I looked into your eyes, I knew you just had to do it.”
“I want to focus on myself for some time,” Jun says quietly. “Satoshi-san, I… I need to find out who I am, and find my strengths for real now. It’s not recovery anymore, this time it’s about finding my real place and my real future. Only when I know myself, I can love someone else and open up to someone. I cannot promise you anything, because I don’t know how long I will need or what conclusion I will reach or…”
Ohno chuckles, reaching out his hand to tickle Jun’s chin teasingly. “Didn’t I tell you years ago, little Jun-chan, I’ll be there. Whenever you are ready, I’ll be there. You will always be my favourite junior, and if you find out that you can’t be with me out of whatever reasons I want to remain your friend, if you want to give us a real shot this time, even when it’s in ten years, I’ll be there.”
“You promise too much,” Jun complains.
“I don’t.” Ohno smiles softly. “I don’t need anyone else but you.” Before Jun can argue further, how this is just stupid and Ohno needs to go on with his life too, the latter shrugs. “I have my art. I only need two loves in my life. You and my art.” Ohno grins. “I’m simple-minded like that. And now let’s eat. I’m hungry!”
A/N: I think for Satoshi Jun is simply 'the one'. He doesn't need someone else. Just like he said: He has his art. Besides his art and Jun he doesn't really need anything.
OMG, I can't wait to go back in the timeline and post these drabbles when they were in school. We now know Satoshi actually hit Sho once. The next one will still be in our current timeline (or maybe even more into the future) and then we'll finally go back :D
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Date: 2017-10-17 10:50 pm (UTC)So I'm guessing this will be the end game pair? xD
Ohno still doesn't convince me, I'm sorry. Guess I'd have to know more about how he was with Jun (and how he will be).
Thanks for the update!
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Date: 2017-10-24 08:03 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your comment, dear! ♥
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Date: 2017-10-18 10:10 am (UTC)I am intrigued to know about the past, even though it will make me cranky, I'm sure.
*hugs*
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Date: 2017-10-24 08:03 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
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Date: 2017-10-19 08:29 pm (UTC)Not that it means anything, but I would be for: Go for it!
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Date: 2017-10-24 08:04 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! So happy to see you here ♥
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Date: 2017-10-20 03:33 am (UTC)Thanks for the update ❤
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Date: 2017-10-24 08:05 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for reading and commenting, dear <3
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Date: 2017-10-21 07:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-10-24 08:06 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for your lovely comment! ♥
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Date: 2018-08-29 09:20 pm (UTC)well... it's not just that simple....
but I want Jun with Ohno. at least, Ohno is the less complicated.