Imbalance 27: Fading Away

[lilly0]

Title: Imbalance 27: Fading Away
Pairing: Sakumoto, Juntoshi
Rating: R
Genre: romance, somewhat angsty?
Plot: It's always been okay for him to be the person in a relationship who loves more.
Note: This is akhikaru 's fault, and also learashi , with their prompt tables and awesome drabble series <3  I've decided to treat this like a challenge. I'm using a prompt-table from lj, and will write these drabbles as they come to my mind, withoug planning anything in advance. It's going to be one story in the end, but the drabbles won't be posted in the correct timeline

25: Mistakes, 24: Hero, 26: Heartfelt, 01: Lively, 07: Cut, 21 Tactile, 22 Scowl, 13: Voice, 10:  Hush, 11 Morals, 08 Compromise, 15 Lower, 04 Heavy, 05 Forward, 06 Prowl, 12 Engage, 23: Journey, 02 Remorseful, 03 Dismiss, 09 Impulse, 14 Awkward, 16 Plead, 17 Caring, 18 Believe, 19 Found, 20 Shield,

 

Jun is studying a lot. And when he isn’t studying he is arguing with Sho, or having sex with him. Most of the times it’s both. The voices in his head are getting stronger again. Jun hates himself for it, for not being strong enough to stop them, for listening to them, but they drive him crazy. They take his sanity away, and all he can do is to cut the voices away by cutting into his skin, feeling a well-known calm feeling spreading inside him when he does so. It’s only during these moments that he feels actually alive, and doesn’t hate himself.

 

“Jun-kun.”

 

Jun looks up when a well-known person approaches him. “Satoshi-san?”

 

Satoshi frowns. “How long have you been sitting in the cold?”

 

Jun shrugs. He has no idea. “Not long,” he lies. Satoshi looks at him, his warm eyes sparkling in worry and at the same time anger. Jun isn’t quite sure why he is angry. “I’m sorry,” he stutters almost immediately.

 

Satoshi blinks in surprise. “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Jun shakes his head. He has no idea why he is apologizing all the time. He looks at Satoshi warily. “Aren’t you mad?”

 

“At you?” Satoshi shakes his head furiously. “Not at all.” He reaches out his hand. “Come, Jun-kun, let’s go and drink some coffee.”

 

“I…” Jun looks down at his fingers. “Sho-kun and I…”

 

“What happened?” Satoshi asks softly, carefully stroking Jun’s shoulder. Satoshi is one of the very few people whose touch Jun isn’t loathing at the moment. They didn’t have sex in a long while, probably since shortly after they ended High School. Suddenly Satoshi stopped touching him that way, but he still hugs him and holds him when needed. In fact Satoshi’s presence even calms him down at the moment.

 

“We broke up,” Jun states flatly.

 

Satoshi could have said something alongside the worst ‘Again?’ now, but he doesn’t. He just rubs over Jun’s back soothingly. “I’m sorry,” he says shakingly.

 

“Why?” Jun asks. “You don’t even like Sho-kun much.” It has to be the understatement of the century because ever since their fistfight in High School Sho and Satoshi have hardly had any interaction with each other. And if they had to do something together - because even at university they shared some classes - it was always very cold between them.

 

Satoshi shrugs. “But I don’t like seeing you sad,” he states, his voice sounding so honest that Jun feels something inside him clenching painfully. “Jun,” Satoshi says, and sounds nervous. “Sometimes it feels like you are not here anymore, like you are somewhere else. Promise me you won’t just turn invisible. Please?” There is something urgent in Satoshi’s voice, something painful.

 

Jun can’t promise something like that though.  

 

But maybe it was Satoshi’s warmth and honesty that allowed Jun to open up to him and let his guard down, and show him his tears. He lets Satoshi pull him into a warm hug, sobbing against his shoulder.



A/N: So this is during their college time. Timeline wise it's shortly before Jun's second time in hospital...
I guess subconsciously Ohno suspects something is going to happen or he is afraid something might happen... but he isn't sure either. Does that make sense?