Imbalance 29: Spirit

[lilly0]

Title: Imbalance 29: Spirit
Pairing: Sakumoto, Juntoshi
Rating: R
Genre: romance, somewhat angsty?
Plot: It's always been okay for him to be the person in a relationship who loves more.
Note: This is akhikaru 's fault, and also learashi , with their prompt tables and awesome drabble series <3  I've decided to treat this like a challenge. I'm using a prompt-table from lj, and will write these drabbles as they come to my mind, withoug planning anything in advance. It's going to be one story in the end, but the drabbles won't be posted in the correct timeline

25: Mistakes, 24: Hero, 26: Heartfelt, 01: Lively, 07: Cut, 21 Tactile, 22 Scowl, 13: Voice, 10:  Hush, 27: Fading away, 11 Morals, 08 Compromise, 15 Lower, 04 Heavy, 05 Forward, 06 Prowl, 12 Engage, 23: Journey, 02 Remorseful, 03 Dismiss, 09 Impulse, 14 Awkward, 16 Plead, 17 Caring, 18 Believe, 19 Found, 20 Shield, 29 Spirit, 28 Open

 

Sho laughs, and it strikes Jun that he hasn’t seen him laughing at all before. He is stunned to see this kind of Sho. How he is chatting with the nurses, making silly jokes for his patients, being attentive and sweet.

 

Jun feels too many emotions at once to be able to name them all. He is surprised, and impressed, at the same time he feels sad and also bitter that the Sho of the past wasn’t like this. He feels irrationally angry, because he knows Sho had a difficult past too and that he was hurting too, still how much easier could it have been for both of them if this Sho already existed in the past.

 

“You have changed so much.”

 

Jun stares at Sho like he has lost his mind. Sho is the one giggling and joking with others now. How dare he tell Jun that he changed!? “Is that so?” Jun says with a frown.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sho stutters. “I said something wrong didn’t I? I didn’t mean to make it sound bad.”

 

Jun stares at Sho in surprise. He is apologizing. Sakurai I’m too fucking cool for my punk-rock shirt Sho is apologizing for something? Sakurai stop staring at me you punk or I will punch you Sho is actually able to sound so soft? “I…” Jun shakes his head.

 

Sho looks at him pleadingly. “Jun-kun, please, tell me when something is off. I would never forgive myself if I would do you wrong again. Actually I cannot forgive myself for the  past…”

 

“You changed so much,” Jun blurts out finally. “You changed so much, it’s hard for me to accept that you weren’t like this before. And now you tell me I am the one who changed…”

 

“But you grew so strong,” Sho points out nervously. “That’s what I meant. You fought so much. You are like a phoenix rising out of the ashes.”

 

Cheesy, so freaking cheesy, yet it’s somewhat true too, because he almost died. Just that Jun doesn’t feel like a hero at all. He takes another spoon full of his potato salad.

 

“Is this all you eat for lunch?” Sho asks in worry.

 

Jun looks up at him in surprise. This is exactly what he meant previously.

 

“I know I can never erase the past and my ignorance, and I can never change what happened,” Sho says all of a sudden. “I can never take back all the hurtful things I said, and the many times I pushed you away.” He looks down at his fingers in embarrassment. “When I was ill I realized what kind of a horrible person I was before. I never want to hurt someone so much again, I want to-“

 

“It’s okay, Sho-kun,” Jun says when he sees tears glittering in Sho’s eyes. “I have fought hard to leave the past behind. Now you need to do the same. We both deserve a future for all the bad things that happened to us.”

 

Sho nods but he doesn’t look convinced.

 

Jun chuckles. “And this is not the only thing I ate today.”

 

Sho smiles genuinely, and it makes Jun feel surprisingly content. It’s not like before when he felt like each of Sho’s smiles was like a sign of heaven and he would have done everything for him to smile, this is a different feeling. He feels like he is on eyelevel with Sho for the first time in his life. And it feels good, not to hate himself anymore for his feelings and his relationship and for who he is.

 

“I need to thank her,” Jun mumbles.

 

“Whom?” Sho asks curiously.

 

Jun just shakes his head with a smile. His mother made him give his life a second chance. He should visit her grave on Sunday.



A/N: This is also a newer one. In which Jun is already recovering. And Sho got his shit together too ^^